How do I help my kids?

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Eph6v13
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Joined: Fri Dec 08, 2017 8:00 pm
Location: North Carolina
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How do I help my kids?

Post by Eph6v13 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:36 pm

My 5 (almost 6) year old daughter is really struggeling with the fact her Daddy has been out of the house for 2 months. She told me last night "Daddy is never coming home, I just feel it". She is not wrong. There is a chance her Daddy won't come home. She also told me she never wants to find me on the bathroom floor like she found her Daddy. The incident she is referring to was the straw that broke this Momma's back, and my husband had to leave.
I am doing everything I can to answer her questions. She has been told that Daddy is sick but she can't see it. He is staying with his parents and has seen the kids (supervised) a handful of times. I even allowed him to come for presents Christmas morning. He just could not be here when the kids woke up.
It is so hard to comfort her and know what to say to give her peace about everything. She is old enough to know something bad is happening in our lives but I don't feel like she is old enough to know what that is. She feels like her Daddy has left HER, and doesn't want to be around HER. He rarely calls. When he has seen them it's because his parents have asked. It's just sad. It is one thing to hurt me it's a whole nother beast when my babies are involved.
Does anyone know of any resources or outlets to help children? Again she is almost 6 and too smart for her own good sometimes. ❤

Blue Sky
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Re: How do I help my kids?

Post by Blue Sky » Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:49 pm

Hi. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is horrible when our children are hurting. I am not sure of children's literature but finding a good children's counselor may help. Also letting her teacher know may help. Often schools have counselors that she could meet with during the school day. I teach and I always like knowing when things are going on so I can assist and modify things for the child. Our counselor helps in various ways. I am praying for you. Peace and love.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: How do I help my kids?

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:52 pm

I have a 11 year old son and 4 year old daughter. My AH was also asked to leave and hasn’t lived here since mid-Sept. My 11 year old has bottled it up inside him and is now super controlling the things he can (like his sister and his studies) but the 4 year old is very very vocal! Right in front of everyone at the daycare Christmas party... “I thought my dad would be here. I haven’t seen him in weeks. He doesn’t live with us anymore” as I tried to force feed her grapes and cupcakes to fill her mouth :) it was devastating. At every Christmas function she’d find an adult to talk to about her daddy and not having seen him in “years” she would say. If only the addict faced the consequences of their choices and not the sweet little faces of innocence.

I found that sitting down with her and letting her see that we both want daddy to be better and that I’m sad too was helpful. To just get it off her chest and get my 11 year old to open up too in the confines of our home helps a little. The holidays have been hard because they see everyone else and can’t fathom why he isn’t around. There’s no great approach I’ve found apart from being there the best I can for them both. My daughter goes in to surgery soon...it’ll be her third one. She’s always hysterical coming off the anesthesia and I know she’ll be screaming and crying for daddy who will not be there. Being solo mom is tough. Praying for a miracle!

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