Crisis Time again !!

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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loveandrespect
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Crisis Time again !!

Post by loveandrespect » Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:33 pm

I'm trying to stay strong during yet another crisis. I've been a mess for 24hrs. My AS turns into a monster on drugs. I know what I have to do to preserve my own sanity, and yet here I am trying to stay in contact with him trying to keep him calm and not do anything stupid, like hurt his wife or himself. He has been kicked out of home. His wife contacts me asking for advise so I try to help her. My communication with them both is not alot. I send him a message and he responds with one word. I try to leave him alone but I know he is alone with no support and his mind is reeling also. I know he is an adult and he will choose his own path and that I can't cure, control or cause this situation. I understand all these things, so how do I stop crucifying myself??? I am strong when I talk to his wife but I am a mess at all other times. I'm afraid for them. I say the serenity prayer, I pray, I plead to HP for intervention. I know that we will get through this one way or another no matter what happens but I'm still an emotional mess. I don't have a program available to me, I can only get support from what’s written online. Please send me some words of wisdom to help me stay afloat.
Thank you for listening.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Fri Dec 22, 2017 9:09 pm

Sorry you are going through this. Addiction is truly a family disease and impacts so many people. Especially during the holidays, it just seems to amplify everything.

My experience is somewhat similar -
My husband left on his own accord the last week of June. He came back the first week in August, went to rehab and then back to our home. The second week of Sept I kicked him out. Devastatingly but I knew it was the right thing to do. His mom and I have become very close through the process. She was there for me to vent to, to help with the kids and has my back 110%. Now that I’ve requested no contact until he gets his life in order, he’s reaching out to her more for guidance and support. So now I’m helping support her however I can...giving her bits that I’ve learned through working my program. We both realize he has to help himself...we didn’t cause it, can’t control it and can’t cure it but it’s so nice to have someone that loves him as well to talk with. To analyze each situation to make sure I/we make the next right move. My firm boundaries are out of love and in an effort to make him face the consequences of his choices without fluffing the blow. Hopefully it creates a ripple effect and perhaps he will seek treatment again soon.

However...safety is a number one priority and if you fear for the safety of your daughter in law and any children involved please don’t hesitate to address those concerns with her. There are plenty of places she can go to weather through the storm.

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vscook
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by vscook » Fri Dec 22, 2017 9:28 pm

You mention that you only receive support via the internet. Have you checked the Nar-anon website at www.nar-anon.org to see if there is a face to face meeting in your area? If there is not, try Al-anon - the programs are very similar. Keep coming back - you are not alone!
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

loveandrespect
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by loveandrespect » Fri Dec 22, 2017 10:05 pm

Thank you for your words. I do not live in the USA. Even if my AS wanted to go into rehab there is not guarantee that he would get in within 6 months.
The support systems here can not cope with the need. We live in a rural area so that further impacts on the problem. Its just a mess.
Communication with him is minimal but I try to send a message to let him know that I am here and I love him no matter what. I am on tender hooks wondering if I am going to get a call from the police. In the meantime I am supporting my Dil and grandchildren with the help of the other grandparents, they are also struggling to come to terms with everything. I do not live in the same town as them so that's even harder again.
Its tough - really tough

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endoftheroad
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by endoftheroad » Fri Dec 22, 2017 11:52 pm

Alrighty sister, so here you are, in the heart of Naranon support, so if you are connected to the internet, you are capable of the best support possible even though you do not have person to person support. In crisis, we do what we can do :)
If you can scroll through Announcements and Topics, you will find information on Online Meetings that happen here 3x a week. If you are abroad somewhere, you will have to figure out the time zone based on EDT here in the States. Come join these meetings.
You will also find lengthy information on the 12 Steps of Naranon. You can also order information from Naranon.org. The Naranon 36 is a good manual to beginning your Step work.
This may all sound like a lot of work when in crisis, but is the basis to sanity when dealing with an addict. We come to believe that we are powerless over their addiction, and come into our own power to lead our lives.
You will hopefully be able to share this information with your loved ones so that you are not all spinning on the crazy wants and needs of your Addicted Loved One.
My AS was and is an ass on drugs and I have come to learn that I can't tolerate or live with him or around him in addiction. And he has to want recovery himself, not up to me. He has hurt many and leaves a daughter of 6 behind. But we all have learned to stand behind the child. And I do not live to keep his story alive, he will have to do this down the road. In the meantime, I support his mom, her family and my husband. Amen.
I hope that you will keep coming back and feel the love and support of many who have walked your walk!
This is the easier softer way.....

loveandrespect
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by loveandrespect » Sat Dec 23, 2017 1:33 am

Thank you. I will try and work the time difference out. I think your 8pm might be our 4am so am not sure whether this will work for me.
Reading this forum and comments from everyone does help. I am so grateful that I found this site.

I hope your Christmas day is peaceful surrounded by family or friends who care
((hugs)) to you all

Ma1954
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by Ma1954 » Sat Dec 23, 2017 2:15 am

So sorry, I am in the same boat as you. I am trying to be detached. I am trying not to keep checking my phone. And leave it be for now. There's nothing more I can do. Just pray for AS. Hugs, Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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endoftheroad
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by endoftheroad » Sat Dec 23, 2017 2:16 am

Generally we do not cross talk but I will write a PM to you!
This is the easier softer way.....

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flash
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Re: Crisis Time again !!

Post by flash » Sat Dec 23, 2017 10:02 am

Sending light and love to all that are suffering.
A crisis is a difficult time and I found it so hard to focus on anything but the situation at hand.
Sometimes just repeating the serenity prayer was the only thing from my recovery I could remember.
Also reaching out as you are doing. Reaching out to my sponsor and program friends was a life line.
May you flow through this crisis in the hands of your HP whatever that may be
Love,
Donna

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