Should I just go?

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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hannahmm
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Should I just go?

Post by hannahmm » Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:35 pm

My sister has been using meth and assorted opioids for the past 8 years. She has been able to clean up before but is now in the worst state she has ever been. Practically off the grid/homeless, she has no phone, no ID, no job or car of course; is completely transient, only comes into our lives once in a while by phone call from burner phones. We also believe she is being trafficked and her communication controlled because of the abruptness of the calls and the fact she has nothing to offer in exchange for the copious amounts of drugs but her body. The last two times anyone saw her in person, she was in a state of psychosis.

The times between phone calls are getting longer and longer and I hit a wall last week, had (another) terrible dream of her dying alone, afraid, sick, and started deliberately trying to find her, the same way my mother has in the past. I haven't been able to reach her by any of the phone numbers but someone (also clearly intoxicated) answered one of them and gave me an address. I want so badly to jump in the car and run to her. I haven't personally seen her in years. I haven't heard from her in months. Its almost Christmas and I haven't slept in days just worrying about her. My mom has tried to confront her before, and its backfired, and I don't want to push her further away by startling her or having the police go there; when she can't think straight she gets angry, runs and withdraws even further.

The address is 2 and a half hours from me. I could go tonight. But is it worth it? I am so torn, and so scared for her. I don't want her to pass away without knowing that I love her so much, I would go anywhere to find her, because maybe that's what she needs to hear in order to want to get clean? I haven't had the chance to tell her in ages. Have I lost my mind in desperation?

DeanW
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Re: Should I just go?

Post by DeanW » Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:07 pm

The older I have gotten I have decided to do what I feel I need to do in situations that seem desperate. Two times I got up in the middle of the night and drove 800 miles to see my brother. He was not an addict but he had a heart attack and I had a feeling. I came back after the first trip thinking he was going to be ok - the 2nd time I was told not to bother coming - I did anyway. He looked great when I first walked in...talked with me for about 15 minutes and then went back to bed and died a few hours later. I am so glad I made those trips.

But, addiction is different, right? We never, ever know when death will occur for anyone, non addicts, addicts. But for an addicted person - each day is not your "normal" dangerous. Can you do anything for your sister? Maybe not. Would it help you to see her? It may but it may also be even worse than you imagine.

Christmas season brings out great compassion in our hearts. I don't know if it is the right thing for you to do but I think many of us wish we could see someone we love tonight - whether that person is addicted or not. God bless.

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whitedove
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Re: Should I just go?

Post by whitedove » Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:19 pm

If only we could love our addicts clean....addiction would be a thing of the past...and no need for this forum. If you decide to go, will you be safe? That is very important. Only you know whether you must go.

I know that I have often gone to see my AS in the midst of active use....I never know what reaction I will get...anger, fear, paranoia, resentment, rarely cooperation. I often went with the belief that this time it would be different....this time I could save him....that never happened. I wish I could erase the memories of things I have seen him do or say...yet I understand the compelling need to go.

Good luck, whatever your decision is, we will be here for you.

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endoftheroad
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Re: Should I just go?

Post by endoftheroad » Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:10 am

I have had this kind of conversation with myself for years. My addicted son lives in a shelter with other addicts. I, however, let a clean and sober friend of his check in on him and he lets me know how it is. I also have a friend in the PD who checks in on him. I have developed these contacts over time.

I have called the PD for wellness checks before just to make sure he was on 2 feet. None of this is easy. But I know I am not a doctor, a counselor or a psychiatrist. I am a mom who loves my kid, but is my kid in there? Your sister may not be the gal your remember, she may not even remember you. Sadly, addiction and alcoholism devastate the body mind and soul.

We can't give you advise, but I will heavily suggest you do NOT do this alone. Take someone familiar with 12 Step program, we like to travel in pairs, in groups if we can. We don't do this alone. I have found that dealing with addiction is too much for me.

You have our hearts tonight and whatever wisdom we can give you. But take a moment to step back, pray for clarity. You will know what to do.

Peace to you!
This is the easier softer way.....

hannahmm
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Re: Should I just go?

Post by hannahmm » Mon Dec 25, 2017 3:24 pm

Thank you for all of the support. My mom recommended that I do NOT go...she may or may not even be there, and if she is, she may hide, or be hidden or abused by those living there. My mom and the detectives she’s been working with to are operating under the assumption she is being trafficked and I don’t understand, if they know the people she is with are so bad, and she’s in such bad shape, why they can’t just arrest them? Why they play this delicate game and tell us to wait, just wait it out...like she has time, after being on a bender for the past 3 months.

I’m trying to not let my emotions get the best of me, and trust that somewhere in her head she has the memory of how much I love her from our last conversation. Every day I find myself crushed with panic that I might never get to speak to her again. But if I go after her and she disappears because of it, I suspect this feeling will only get worse.

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rosegold
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Re: Should I just go?

Post by rosegold » Mon Dec 25, 2017 3:41 pm

When I am worried about where my ALO is I remember someone on this forum reminding me that her Higher Power knows where she is . . .

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endoftheroad
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Re: Should I just go?

Post by endoftheroad » Mon Dec 25, 2017 5:39 pm

Hannahmm. I am writing youa PM.
This is the easier softer way.....

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