His Phone

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Blue Sky
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2015 5:21 pm
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His Phone

Post by Blue Sky » Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:05 am

Good morning all,
First thank you for your consistent support. My AD or says he is working a program at the methadone clinic, but yet drinking and messing with his prescriptions, is out of my house now and living in his car with his girl friend. Of course he is the victim and blaming me for kicking him out when he drank even though that was my boundary. This seems somewhat silly after all that but I am struggling with whether I shut off his phone or not. I want to make each move carefully knowing I have to live with the potential negative consequences of it. He owns the phone. He is not speaking to me but that has happened for years and only heard from him when he needed something. He said he may never be able to forgive me for this. ( I almost started laughing when he said that). He and the gf who left the option of a sober house to live with him in his car, have a child. Her mom and sisters and myself and my daughter are raising her. She is ten months old. The gf used fentanyl while pregnant and lost custody to her mom throughout the ten months she has been alive. We are now going to go to court to share guardianship. These are the last two things for me to resolve in order to release some things from my mind. All that to seek thoughts on canceling his phone? Canceling with a few days warning? or just leave it be for a while and make the decision later? I know this is a simple thing in respect to the other big things we go through but I never cancelled it before all these years (10) of his using. Thank you for your time. Love and Peace.

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endoftheroad
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Location: California
option_firstname: Susan

Re: His Phone

Post by endoftheroad » Thu Dec 21, 2017 1:04 pm

Oh yes, I do remember doing the phone plan boogie about 4 years ago. Thankfully, I recovered from not having control over that issue.
My AS who has been in and out of recovery for 8 years mostly owned his own phones, but I carried the plan and usually paid the bills :)
I don't know about your ALO, but mine was 25 before I understood he was a man and could own his own phone plan as well.
But, I was able to look at his phone records :o :o I was snooping into his life all the time and finding out all of the crap he was doing!
Certainly not good for my mental health!
I gave him notice one day and he had a fit and told me that he was working with a narcotics division officer and that he needed this phone line for some dealer to get ahold of him :shock: :shock: :shock: Oh whoa...........I remember swimming laps and thinking, good lord, that dealer has access to my plan too! I jumped out of the pool, called our carrier and poof! He was off of our plan!

Addicts will always blame everyone around them for every wrong doing in their lives.....I have to remember that I did not cause his addiction, I can't control his addiction and I surely can't cure his addiction.

When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, mountains will move for you!

You have been around awhile, do you have a sponsor or a program buddie to call? In these situations, I find a meeting and talk to the people who have my back!

Keep coming back.
This is the easier softer way.....

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hope4today
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Re: His Phone

Post by hope4today » Thu Dec 21, 2017 1:25 pm

I look at the phone plan the same as I look at auto insurance. I am not going to pay for a phone plan nor am I going to pay for auto insurance unless it is my own.

Blue Sky
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Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2015 5:21 pm
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Re: His Phone

Post by Blue Sky » Thu Dec 21, 2017 1:35 pm

Thank you both for your help. I do not have a sponsor or buddy. The local meetings are on a night, I so far have not been able to go to, so I use this forum.

DeanW
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Re: His Phone

Post by DeanW » Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:19 pm

Phones really bother me. I want to get them for my grandsons as - well, even as a developmental thing. I did get 2 for them a couple of years ago - and their parents took them. Sooo, I cannot even do this for them. I had to get comfortable with this concept. Enabling via the children...can't do it. When I paid for phones on my plan - I looked at the calls and texts and it was nerve wracking. My daughter is sober now for some time, but I don't want to know who she is calling or when. So, I can't pay for phones. And, remember, when you pay for something it just opens up that much money to be used for drugs.

I actually think the phone issue is a big one - for them. I told my daughter I was removing her from the plan in a month and did it. She's had a LOT of trouble keeping phones and it has created issues for her that I could solve easily by adding her at a lower rate than she is paying. I just cannot.

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