Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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whatnow65
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Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by whatnow65 » Wed Dec 20, 2017 5:08 pm

My AH will be in a rehab facility on Christmas. He chose to return to rehab after he relapsed within a couple weeks of his first 30 day stay. I’d like to be prepared with a couple short and sweet sentences when nosey extended family (aunts/uncles) ask why he is not at the Christmas gathering. Because of his addiction he missed atleast 1 other family event and because our family is small, they may have heard something from one of my more immediate family members who are aware of his situation. I am looking to be honest but direct.

I’d appreciate hearing how you may have handled this type of question before. I got a lot of good responses from my home group but wanted to ask here as well. Thank you.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Wed Dec 20, 2017 5:27 pm

For other reasons, my AH hasn’t been at many family gatherings this year. I dodged questions as much as I could but ultimately silenced the elephant in the room by addressing with each person specifically ahead of time. Just told them we were going through a difficult time and I appreciated their prayers and requested it not be mentioned at the event or to others.

I’d be interested to hear what other suggestions you received that may be helpful...

DeanW
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Re: Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by DeanW » Wed Dec 20, 2017 6:13 pm

IF I felt like I wanted to I would say, “oh, he’s taking care of a health issue!” IF they were nosy enough to ask more I might say “personal health issue”. And change subject.

I struggled with this bc I don’t want to lie outright but I felt strongly I didn’t want to divulge things that might be hurtful.

Of course there are times - not holiday gatherings- times involving my grandsons when their well being came first. I had trouble even with this in the beginning. I got over that and learned to separate helpful people from gossips.

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endoftheroad
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Re: Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by endoftheroad » Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:42 pm

Oh wow, this is such personal thing to explain to folks at the holidays. I always keep it simple with questions about my AS.
He has not been around for 4 Christmas' and now family is quite aware and compassionate and we do not talk about it. Love that.
In the beginning, I said too much. But I learned his story was Not my story and if I tried to explain, it brought about too many questions. I had to remember that no one can understand the struggle of an ALO and our struggle unless they walk in our shoes.
All that being said, I would simply say, he couldn't make it today. He is taking care of some important business. And then I would change the subject to their loved ones. I have learned that most friends and relatives like to talk about themselves :shock: Ha, ha!
I try not to stress about what may be or may not be. I like to go with the flow, enjoy my party or get together! Part of aging is being less concerned about others and more interested in ourselves!
This is the easier softer way.....

Ma1954
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Re: Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by Ma1954 » Thu Dec 21, 2017 7:47 am

maybe, 'he has a stomach virus'. This should keep them away from you too! I went to visit my Mom at the nursing home for her last Christmas with my AS in tow. The whole family visited. My son sat there nodding out. His cousins sat there snickering about it. At the time, I didn't know what that meant. How clueless of me. My Mom was blind so she was unaware, thank goodness. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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jeanette
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Re: Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by jeanette » Thu Dec 21, 2017 8:44 am

Sorry, but he's not able to attend.
He sends his best wishes and I will let him know you were thinking of him.

Repeat that last sentence up to three times when the same person continues to pressure for more info - after that -

Look - I was trying to nicely say it is none of your business where he is, but you didn't get that.

I can be nice, until I can't be.


I learned the nosiness is just that - a desire for gossip and to be in my (and LOs) business.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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vscook
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Re: Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by vscook » Thu Dec 21, 2017 9:59 am

Such a great answer Jeanette. I don't think I would say it three times - once should be sufficient.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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whatnow65
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Re: Where's (insert addicts name here) this Christmas?!

Post by whatnow65 » Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:25 pm

Thank you everyone, I knew I could count on you.

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