Not feeling well 2

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Ma1954
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Not feeling well 2

Post by Ma1954 » Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:11 am

my son keeps texting me for help. I can't help him. I feel really sick over this. I do feel like running away :( .
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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jeanette
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by jeanette » Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:19 am

there came a time where I had to block my husbands texts.

They were not healthy for me
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

judyg
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by judyg » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:27 am

Sometimes the only thing that helps is the serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Praying that you find your serenity.

Judy

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Hopefulmom
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by Hopefulmom » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:35 am

My help for my daughter was hurt.I have learned this. Remember the 3 C's,bless you during this time.

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DianeB
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by DianeB » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:47 am

Each time I helped my son, I drove another nail in his coffin.

That is a sobering thought.

I blocked texts that disrupted my balance and peace.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Wed Dec 20, 2017 10:48 am

BUT....there comes a point in time when not helping is actually helping.... When not saying anything actually speaks volumes.

Hugs! I know the "tied in knots" feeling in your stomach over this.

Let Go, Let God
Nothing changes if nothing changes

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L8N
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by L8N » Wed Dec 20, 2017 11:30 am

I sure do remember how bad it felt to disengage, to detach, from my RAD (in recovery, JFT) when she was at the height of her addiction. It really felt like I would die of a heart attach or a broken heart. I couldn't quit crying, worrying, obsessing. Even before I found nar-anon and this forum, I knew I had to stop doing the same things if I wanted things to change. It was beyond hard. I feel for you. I know how these feelings make us physically ill.

The first thing I did was to stop sleeping with my phone. I made up my mind that I could not function if I did not get some sleep. One night at a time, I continued with this change and enforced my boundary--no calls answered from when I go to bed until I wake up. For me, it was accepting that even if the worst did happen, I would be better able to cope if I had gotten some sleep. The best way I could help my ALO was to first care for myself.

Guess what? The world did not end. My ALO continued to text during the night, but finally she realized that my phone was off while I was sleeping, so no amount of texting or calling would make a difference. Addicts manipulate. When they can't manipulate you anymore, they move on to the next person who will get on the crazy train with them. I feel incredibly fortunate that my ALO has chosen rehab and recovery, just for today. Addiction is a lifelong struggle, and relapse is always a possibility.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We are here for you. It can get better, however your ALO decides to live life.
Meetings, sponsor, steps--like your life depends on it.

<hugs>
L8N

DeanW
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by DeanW » Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:05 pm

"Not feeling well" - I used to say that when I was overwhelmed with the intensity of something I knew in my heart was out of my control. "Tied in knots" someone mentioned...yes, we've all felt it, I think.

For encouragement, I can tell you that I do feel better today. I keep myself busy and moving forward. Life does not stay the same. I do practice self care - as much as I can. I do focus on my husband and my grandsons, often. Heaven forbid, if my grandsons start making unhealthy choices I will have to deal with that - for me and with my husband. I cannot control what other people choose to do. Think of it! If you could, there would be no addiction, period. Our best efforts do not work for our adult children. THEIR best efforts for themselves can improve their lives. Our best efforts for ourselves can improve ours. God bless. I know this is so hard.

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whitedove
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by whitedove » Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:49 pm

I too understand the feeling of needing to "flee"...that is my first inclination when under stress...I can't count the number of times I though "If I just grab my passport and drive to the border......."
I too had to stopped sleeping with my phone, I made it clear that I no longer could tolerated middle of the night phone calls. When I lack sleep the problems of the world become overwhelming.
Dealing an addict is like dealing with a sick toddler...no amount of reasoning will help. Know you cannot control their behavior...or anyone's behavior, for that matter.
You can control what you do....the first steps on the road to your recovery

God Bless

Suejan
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Re: Not feeling well 2

Post by Suejan » Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:51 am

I know how hard it is to ignore their pain-the opposite of what you have spent a lifetime doing- from the moment their born our instinct is to nuture and protect.
But if you can see it another way- the more desperate they get- the more likely the possibility of change is. They don't say the “gift” of desperation without good reason!
I kept telling my son that the the only help I would provide was help to access treatment. I blocked him- did not respond to any calls- until I saw an incoming one from our local town crisis center. I didnt even know we had one!!
I answered that call- the first one in over a week- and heard him say “mom- I give up. Please help me with recovery.”
We did- it lasted 6 months and while it was not the “for ever” time- it was good clean time and helped bring him to where he is today:)
If I had taken the first call- gone with my natural inclination. Nothing would have changed.
My experience anyway— just dont beat yourself up for changing the status quo.
Susan

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