Feeling lost.

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Feeling lost.

Post by Eph6v13 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 10:49 pm

I am having a hard time communicating boundaries with AH. I am trying to regain some peace in our home for myself and our two children - he is currently living with his parents.
My husband is addicted to prescription pain medication, prescribed to him for chronic pain. He is unwilling to admit he is addicted, even though he admits to self medicating and not taking his meds as prescribed. This along with alcohol has been a problem for years. It's as if he is a functioning addict.
Three weeks ago he started seeing a new doctor. She has taken him off of Percocet and started him on Suboxone. He is adamant this is not for addiction but a new course of pain management. Suboxone is their long term plan. I was really hoping he would say he was going for treatment but that does not seem to be the case.
I am really struggeling with is. I can not ever see letting him come home as long as he is on ANY type of mind altering substance. I don't know how to explain this to him. I dont know if it is even realistic because of his chronic pain. As I've mentioned before, I don't see the pain anymore.
Our marriage has fallen apart. There is no trust. I don't know or like this man that I am married to. All of this started 6 months into our marriage and we are almost 8 years in.
I am trying to find a new normal for the kids. They want their Dad and the handful of times he as asked, I've let it happen - supervised. I feel as though his parents are making him see the kids. That they want them, not him. It is really sad.
I want more for my children and more for myself.
I appologize for the rambling. I just feel lost this evening.

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Re: Feeling lost.

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Wed Dec 20, 2017 12:57 am

I've learned lately to rely heavily on my higher power (for me it's God) and on the 3 C's that I learned here - I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it. My husband is also not living with the kids and I right now and I fully understand the lack of seeing the kids as frequently as we'd hoped for. It's really difficult for all of us and being a completely solo mom is really difficult too. Hugs to you, you aren't alone. There's hope and peace in the midst of all this, so don't be discouraged.

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Re: Feeling lost.

Post by jeanette » Wed Dec 20, 2017 8:18 am

When I separated from my husband, he started to realize what he was loosing

Then he started with what HE wanted
HE wanted to see me
HE wanted to see the cats (no kids here)
HE missed living in the nice house.

My thoughts -
I had been living with his addiction for years
I was no longer the naïve young girl he had married

I had lived through things
I had seen more of the world
I had learned more

this did not mean I didn't love him
but I did not like the decisions he was making
and how he was choosing to live his life

and as an adult I could choose not to have that
(at least directly and all the time)
in my face

for me, it was a decision of IF we would still be a couple
based on how he had changed (addiction due to pain, and alcohol)
and how I had changed.

It wasn't easy and many times it was uncomfortable
but in the end
it was more comfortable than living with addiction.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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