Major steps forward, then steps back

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Hopeful731
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Major steps forward, then steps back

Post by Hopeful731 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 10:59 pm

Hi everyone,

It's been awhile, I am finally on break from my first semester of my master's program.

I was doing really well in letting go of my bf's recovery, to the point where it was no longer a daily thought anymore. I actually spent the past four months not worrying about him, to the point of not even needing to talk about it in therapy (I didn't even notice, my therapist did). For whatever reason, I had an aha moment and really found compassion and understanding of this disease. I honestly thought it would have been sooner since I'm in recovery, was a chronic relapser and getting time sober took just that, time. It also helped that he maintained the boundaries that I requested so his disease wasn't in my face, and I was super busy with ft job and school.

Last week he told me about a relapse and how he now has to go to meetings (per his counselor). 2 years ago I would have had a lot more to say, including "told you so", but not only did I not say it, I had no desire to say it. It was like he was someone else telling me about it, I had no emotional attachment to the information. I was so proud of how I handled it, and how my HP guided me through the letting go process. He even commented on how much easier it is to talk to me about it when I don't react, but rather I respond. It seems that once I decided that I choose to stand by him with this, it got a whole lot easier bc I wasn't trying to control it, or him.

However, the thinking has been slowly easing it's way back in. The "need to know" being the main issue. It sort of came to a head at a meeting we attended. On the one hand I was so happy he was trying a meeting (and how God works in mysterious ways, his counselor was at the meeting and it was not planned), and its wasn't even a codependent happy, I was excited to try this meeting too bc it was a completely different type of addiction program. But still, days after his honesty, I found myself being crabby to him. Then I lost it on him about past behavior. Ahh it's like 5 steps forward, 10 steps back. There was one particular incident that I overreacted to bc I felt like he's always asking me to do something. But I didn't say no. It's on me when I do things I don't want to do. What's worse was that I wasn't even aware of it, completely oblivious until I snapped. That's my disease. I didn't know that I didn't know.

So, now I know and I'm working on focusing on me again. Thank you for letting me share.

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jeanette
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Re: Major steps forward, then steps back

Post by jeanette » Tue Dec 19, 2017 8:51 am

Just like an addict
I can succumb to MY old way of thinking, my old patterns
and can be right back - maybe not at step one
but certainly not where I had gotten to.

But, I also know where to go,
to get back on my program
I know to make my amends
to learn from my mistake
and to continue to grow and
become the person I know I can be.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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DianeB
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Re: Major steps forward, then steps back

Post by DianeB » Tue Dec 19, 2017 11:10 am

I think that we are all human....at lease to one degree or another.

Being so, both addict and non addict, we succumb to somewhat less than stellar and
less than perfect behavior.

No matter what I am labeled....mother, sister, friend, wife, co dependent, woman,
crazy, loving, etc....I am still imperfect. Perfectly imperfect.

Celebrate it! It means you are human! Pick yourself up, forgive yourself if necessary,
and continue to strive to be the best. That's what keeps me going.

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Jade11
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Re: Major steps forward, then steps back

Post by Jade11 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:07 pm

I'm a newbie to this program and I find myself slipping every day. Sometimes several times a day. Thanks to Nar Anon I'm learning to be patient and gentle with myself when this happens. After all I'm only human! My mistakes aren't Failures, they are learning experiences. And for me these tests are from my HP, given to me to help me grow. With each trip up I learn a firmer way to walk my path and how to better avoid the holes in the road. As long as I can keep pushing myself to get back up, I trust that my stumbles will help me on my way. Thank you for sharing, Keep coming back!

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