Its allways darkest before the dawn

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Suejan
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Its allways darkest before the dawn

Post by Suejan » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:30 am

I think of dawn as a new day- new begining- new starts.
I have experienced very dark days with addiction. Eventually I grew to understand we all needed those dark times. For me -to get stronger, strong enough to know when I had to stop.
For my son- to plunge so far into unknown depths with no support, so he could hurt badly enough to want to make the efforts to change.
It didnt happen quickly, it took several years, 3 programs that did not stick. He had to lose everything- gain some back- lose it again- and again- until he realized he was out of options. Even when he knew what he wanted and needed to get better- the darkness did not surender him easily. He fought battle after to battle to get sober and try to last more than 3 days without drugs. It never worked. He had no program- no beliefs- no peer support- no belief in his ability to change.
But- when we were at our darkest- we had the strength to say no more to him- and mean it. When he was at his darkest he finally gave in- asked for help- and meant it. There was no joyful music- the scene didnt end there- rosy and all good.
We helped him, he flipflopped numerous times over his decision. We had a 2 hour ferry ride- 2 hour drive- he either slept or argued- thats all I remember about it. We arrived- he wanted to leave then. We left him, went back home and spent anonther two weeks defending our stance- he was not coming home- if he left he was on his own- no money- no support- big city- huge homeless and substance misuse population. His choice.
But the dawn came- he stayed. Almost 7 months now, 17 more to go. He is where he needs to be. I had a letter this week, he is working his way through his issues behind the addiction- his ethical and moral issues. His comming to terms and accepting responsibility for his actions during those dark days. He apologized for not writing more, but was open enough to confide that writing was a trigger for him- he truly was quite a profuse writer when high- and I really appreciated understanding why communicating via leter was tough.
I dont know what happens tomorrow- but I have faith- and thats new. He has faith- and is doing just what he needs to for today. He now has program, peer support, work ethic and gratitude.
So while things can get so ugly and dark- it seems like it has to get there- before a new day can dawn and change can happen. I look at every tough thing that happened as a step on the bridge that had to be there to get to the other side.
I hope when you are feeling the darkness the way I did- that you deepen your resolve and do whats right for you, and remember that this could be the time that the pain is great enough to effect change- yesterday got us to today:)

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belkar1
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Re: Its allways darkest before the dawn

Post by belkar1 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 7:11 am

Thank You,

For shareing with us.

Love
Belkar

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janiemarie
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Re: Its allways darkest before the dawn

Post by janiemarie » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:58 am

Thank you for giving me some hope this morning
My 28 yo AD still struggles
My ex continues to help give her a soft place to land so that she never truly feels the darkness and never realizes the damage thats been done to herself and to those who love her most.
He continues to love her to death
I have no control over either of these things
It's just so very difficult and sad
I pray everyday that she feels the darkness and chooses to reach for the light
“And this too, shall pass away.” How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!”
--- Abraham Lincoln

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Its allways darkest before the dawn

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 10:03 am

This hits home for me. Thank you for sharing.

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hopefulNE
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Re: Its allways darkest before the dawn

Post by hopefulNE » Fri Dec 22, 2017 1:25 am

Susan,
Beautiful and inspiring.
I love what you said, "yesterday got us to today." Hopefully it will be a better day.
So glad your son found a long term program (so badly needed) and that JFT he is clean and in recovery. So glad you are here with us sharing YOUR recovery story.
TYFS,
Pat
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

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flash
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Re: Its allways darkest before the dawn

Post by flash » Fri Dec 22, 2017 7:18 am

Absolutely beautifully stated.
I just read somewhere else about every dark time we had leading us to exactly where we are supposed to be.
While we are in those dark days it is hard to imagine this is the plan
Awareness, acceptance and action. The action of moving forward and standing strong is not easy.
You give many hope with your words.
TYFS
Love, Donna

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