To be right or to be happy

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Jade11
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To be right or to be happy

Post by Jade11 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 12:52 am

I read an article about communication and one line really stuck out to me: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?
Wow, I thought, now that's a question. I have never really asked myself that before.
Not too long ago I would have had a hard time answering that. Being right meant a lot to me. My need to be right may have looked like pride or stubbornness on the surface. Now I recognize it as a lack of self value. Being right meant so much to me because I cared so much what others thought of me. If they agreed with me, I felt validated. If they disagreed, I felt rejected.
This character defect of mine really came to light in my marriage. I hardly ever win an argument with AH. Fighting to be right or make him SEE what I thought was right brought me a lot of anger, heartache and stress. I'm sure he felt the same. Over time it seemed less about communication and just about who had the last word.
I have learned that I would rather be HAPPY than right.
The more I can let things go and agree to disagree, the happier I feel. I'm learning to validate my beliefs instead of chasing the approval of others. It's really not easy for me but the more I do it, it gets easier and I feel better.
Applying this to my relationship with AH, it means I can respect him and his beliefs even when they're not the same as mine. It means I can release the need to tell him what I think is right. It also means we can have a lot less fighting and arguing in the home, so we can both have more peace.

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jeanette
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Re: To be right or to be happy

Post by jeanette » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:33 am

I have learned that "right" is often actually an opinion.
What I believe to be "right" is often someone else's "not right".

so I have chosen happy!
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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janiemarie
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Re: To be right or to be happy

Post by janiemarie » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:42 am

Great Share!
Funny how my HP puts things right in my path when I need to learn a lesson or work on an area of myself!

Was talking with a friend just yesterday who was telling me how when her grandkids were arguing or tattling how she would sit them down and ask if they'd rather be right and continue the argument or if they'd rather be kind and just let it go and be happy playing!

I struggled so with the need to be right. And with no self worth I would give every argument I could think of from every angle to justify and prove why I was right!
What a waste of energy!

I now try to let my validation come from within knowing I have made the next best choice for myself. Given it the thought, time to let a situation unfold, acceptance that others are entitled to their own realities that I have no power over to control.

Like you said saves alot of arguments and stress
And I find it frees up a whole lotta energy to be used on much happier things!

TYFS!
“And this too, shall pass away.” How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!”
--- Abraham Lincoln

Claytonmomof2
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Re: To be right or to be happy

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 9:59 am

It's certainly been one of my traits over the years...to not only be right but to thoroughly explain why I'm right until I've convinced everyone around me why I'm right. Because I knew that I was right and could validate it. I think that person is still within me but due to circumstances I simply haven't had the energy to fight to be right these last few years and I don't really miss that. I have found that by not fighting to be right that I'm empowering those around me to speak their voice and I'm able to better value their opinions and perspectives. Plus...it saves me time and energy by not trying to be right which I've learned to value more.

Great share and so very true.

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