Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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slm219
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Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by slm219 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 6:59 pm

No matter how hard I work at this......I still think I am losing my mind some days. A few weeks ago, I was driving somewhere and thought I saw my AS (whom I have not seen in quite awhile) walking, so I turned around, heart beating...saw he went into a post office while I was turning around....so I waited outside, he came out and guess what.....NOT my son.... Felt like such a stalker...I would of sworn it was him.

Today I was in a local Wawa and was walking out the door and lo and behold I see my AS in line for a sandwich....his back was towards me and he was dressed just like my son, same build, etc.....I walked up and he turned around and guess what...NOT my son....

I keep thinking I see him everywhere.....good grief....I have tried so so hard but it is always with me.

Just some days I feel like I am losing it ......especially this time of year.....we lost my AStepson 8 years ago on Christmas Eve due to this dreaded disease...the call that no-one wants. And now every year as it approaches I feel like that phone is going to ring again.

Trying to stay focused.....we are having 25 people here Christmas Eve and I swore I was not going to get nuts and I am going to ENJOY it......we have 7 grandchildren and we love having them all here..... So tomorrow is another day and I am going to spend a quiet night and watch Chevy Chase Christmas Vacation.....and regroup.

TFLMS and Thank You all for being here.
Sharon
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

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flash
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by flash » Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:40 pm

So understandable.
I'm not at all surprised that you would think you see him in someone that looks familiar.
Who wouldn't?
I know I would and I don't care how many years of program I had.
I would also probably not be kind to myself and get angry that I was spending so much of my time focusing on him.
Accepting our thoughts for that, just that, what they are is not easy.
We expect so much from ourselves.
Be kind to yourself. Let yourself have these thoughts and then as you're doing try to bring your focus to something you enjoy.
May you have a peaceful and loving holiday.
Love, Donna

MarieW
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by MarieW » Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:02 pm

That has happened to me. Or I see a kid about my son's age who is obviously homeless and I'm overcome with sadness. The other day I saw a young man sitting alone on the side of the road and I couldn't get him out of my mind. I was driving down the road crying. After I ran my errand, I drove back to where I saw him, thinking I'd offer to buy him a meal (or something...I wasn't really sure...), but he was gone.

This disease gets under our skin and won't let go. All I can do is refocus, hit up a meeting and carry on.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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hopefulNE
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by hopefulNE » Sat Dec 16, 2017 2:24 am

Sharon,
I have had that happen to me too, with my AD...every thin young blond girl, they all dress and look alike. Then they turn around and I can see it's not her...even happens sometimes when I (supposedly) know where she is...crazy. It must be much harder when you haven't had contact for a length of time.
Enjoy "Christmas Vacation!" It's one of my holiday faves, a real tradition, watch it every year after Thanksgiving to kick off the season.
Be kind to yourself.
(((Hugs)))
Pat
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

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endoftheroad
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by endoftheroad » Sat Dec 16, 2017 3:23 am

Oh me too Sharon! I did this many times awhile back. I think it is the dream that we need sometime just to catch a glimpse of them1

Unfortunately, I know where mine is now and I would not go to see him at all. He is in a city sponsored shelter using with many other users and are protected there by the social system. I try really hard to screw my head around to that thinking but the vision would be too much for me!

Often at this time of year, I give away money, umbrellas, coats and groceries. There is so much criticism of the street addict, but they are just like our kids aren't they. I don't wish a bottom on any of them but great enlightenment.

Hugs to you, stay close! ox Susan
This is the easier softer way.....

Ma1954
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by Ma1954 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 6:37 am

TYFS! I am trying to stay away from my AS/RAS and keep my boundaries in place. It is so very painful. Love Chevy Chase movies! Merry Christmas! Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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belkar1
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by belkar1 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 6:48 am

It happens to me also.

My son is thousands of miles away. We do not know where he is again, he did call weeks ago to say he was released from jail. Homeless staying at the Salvation Army shelter.

You are definitely NOT alone in this one.

Love
Belkar

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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by DeanW » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:34 am

Yes, I've done it too - My son who is a non-A has completely disengaged from his entire family of origin...for his own reasons known in his heart only by him. We all miss him desperately but I felt we couldn't keep trying to see him even once a year when he had rejected us so clearly..it was creating big issues in his life. So, now we wait and hope it's not forever.

Once I was at a small restaurant with my husband - near where his in - laws live. I thought I saw him...a young man came in and stood talking to the hostess for awhile. I was facing him. My husband didn't see him. I stared - couldn't take my eyes off him but was paralyzed in my chair. I literally could not have gotten up. As he walked away he glanced toward me, smiled, and continued walking out the door. Was it him? I don't know. While it truly looked like him he had on a coat that didn't look like something he would wear. But, it's been so long - I wouldn't really know. I hope it wasn't. Because this person saw me, for sure, and walked out the door.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 11:28 am

My heart races when I pass by a truck that resembles my AH... I’ve yet to encounter him unplanned but my heart beats out of my chest when I think I see him.

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Shelly
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by Shelly » Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:11 pm

Yes, there are many days I feel I am losing my mind. I would not wish this pain on anyone and I cannot imagine causing my parents to worry about me like AS does. About 20 years ago I went through the same thing as you....thinking I saw my son all the time and the feelings I had are still etched in my mind. At that time I didn’t realize drugs were invloved, but I just wanted to see him so much. Today My son is 46, no doubt about about the drugs except he still denies that he has a problem. He avoids me unless he wants something. I have pleaded with him this last week just to let me hear from him. I just can’t understand how he can be so cruel and disrespectful to not take 2 minutes and send a text. I think I just do not fully understand how drugs effect the mind. I keep asking over and over why would someone act this way. May we all find some peace during the holidays and find ways to calm our ❤️.

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Ronni
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by Ronni » Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:40 am

When my son was homeless and had disappeared, I kept thinking I saw his red truck everywhere.

I'd get frantic with worry, I'd see a red truck parked somewhere, and I'd often turn around and drive by where it was parked in case it was his truck.

Sometimes I'd see a red truck driving, and I'd follow the thing until I could determine if it was my kid's or not. Funny thing is that I have no clue what I'd have done if any of these sightings were in fact of my kid.

Even now, when my RAS is three years into his recovery, I have occasionally seen a man on the side of the road holding a sign who looks just like my boy, and my heart races and I start to get that panicky feeling, even though rationally I KNOW it can't possibly be him for all the logical reasons...other side of town, he'd be at work right now, I just saw him yesterday and he was obviously fine, he couldn''t have gotten this bad this fast etc. Doesn't matter. Triggers, man!!!

Addiction, the gift that keeps on giving. :roll:
My son's addiction is something that happened TO HIM. It is NOT something he did TO ME.

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lbogie
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Re: Seeing my son everywhere .....not really......

Post by lbogie » Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:56 pm

I can relate!!! My Son is currently in jail but we still cringe with sadness when we see people on the side of the road.
In my mind, that IS my Son. This disease is horrible. I am grateful, "Grateful" that my Son is in jail this year. He's in a better place than he was a year ago out on the streets. Keep the Faith and Help anyone we can.
Hugs,
Lois
“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

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