What’s the point?!

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
Pa95
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 11:59 am
option_firstname:

What’s the point?!

Post by Pa95 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:17 pm

What’s the point of an addict telling you they love you and want their family if all they do is lie cheat and steal?

User avatar
SDIN2T
Posts: 736
Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2014 1:13 pm
Location: Desert SW
option_firstname: JR

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by SDIN2T » Wed Dec 13, 2017 7:43 pm

There is no point listening to what an addict says.

There is no point in trying to talk to an addict.

There is no point in trying to reason with an addict.

There is no point in trying to make sense out of something that doesn't make sense.

There is no point in trying to change an addict.

There is a point in accepting powerlessness.

There is a point in believing it's possible to live a happy life regardless of what the addict does or doesn't do.

The point is: Work the Naranon program like your life depends on it.

:JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

Pa95
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Dec 13, 2017 11:59 am
option_firstname:

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by Pa95 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 7:55 pm

I understand that I guess I’m just trying to rationalize since it’s hurtful to think he didn’t truly love me in the 2 years I spent with him

User avatar
LKSG8R
Posts: 142
Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:42 pm
option_firstname:

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by LKSG8R » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:55 pm

I have accepted that there is no point in being hurt by anything my addict says or does. Just as I can't trust the promises or proclamations they make, nor should I believe the punishing things they say or do. I'm human so sometimes I still hurt, but now it's a more general sadness that addiction exists in this world and that it happened to my husband and son.

Trying to rationalize the irrational will get you nowhere. I hope you choose to move past that. Good luck in nursing school! Thirty-something years later and I still love being a nurse.

Lisa
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

User avatar
jeanette
Posts: 1026
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:38 pm
Location: West Virginia
option_firstname:

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by jeanette » Thu Dec 14, 2017 9:23 am

In my experience -

my LO did love me, he did want his family, and the life we build together -
however he had mental and emotional demons and did not know or
believe that they could be held at bay by anything but the drugs -

It didn't make his words or his feelings any less true

However he could not show me love in a way I wanted
and he could not participate in the family in a way I wanted.

I loved him, but often I didn't like him a lot.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

User avatar
belkar1
Posts: 897
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:11 pm
option_firstname: Carmen

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by belkar1 » Sat Dec 16, 2017 8:53 am

I know on some level my son loves me. For me that is a given, the first sound he heard was my heart beat.

The disease of addiction is a hard task master, it will lie, cheat, steal, hurt, destroy everything in its path. It is a parasite that kills its host slowly, also sucking the life out of everything around it.

So what is the point ?

I will NOT allow this disease to take both of us.
I will NOT allow my son to steal from me, I learned that lesson
I know he lies, every word out of his mouth can twist me into a pretzel, so I do not allow it.

I could go on but I think you get my picture. My job is to become as healthy as I can, not to internalize, the pain he feels. It is his not mine to carry.
When I came here I was just as sick as he was, only in a different way. I did not understand that at first, after many years I believe I have learned how to live a different life.

Does it hurt sometimes YES, I am human, I am the mom of an adult man who suffers from a disease. As of today it can only be put into remission not cured. However that does not give me the right to allow myself to be taken too. I have value, I have compassion, I have love to give, I am not finished living my life. The best way I can, one day at a time.

I work my program with every fiber of my being, because my life does depend on it.

Love
Belkar

Trying
Posts: 292
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2014 6:00 pm
option_firstname:

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by Trying » Sat Dec 16, 2017 9:36 am

I've learned it's not a question of love - it's an issue of disease. From my experience, and from the many, many, many addicts in recovery that I've heard speak, I've learned that THEY DO LOVE US. For the most part they are not lying when they tell us that (I say that because perhaps there are a handful of addicts out there simply using those they claim to love) but they are very, very sick, and the love is not enough to prevent them from engaging in behaviors they need to engage in in order to get the next high. The disease is just stronger than that. I've work hard to not take it personally, to make boundaries to protect myself as best I can and to remind myself that my addict is sick.

When my addict is using and says "I love you" I take it only for that. I don't expect that to mean "I love you and therefore I won't lie to you, I won't manipulate you, I won't steal from you, etc.". It just means he loves me. He is powerless over the rest when he is in active addiction. Then it's all about boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

I questioned for a long time if my addict boyfriend really loved me, and I know he does. He is just very, very sick.

Hang in there, and keep coming back. This program seriously works if you put your energy into it.

User avatar
DianeB
Posts: 2922
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:04 pm
Location: Southwest Georgia
option_firstname: Diane

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by DianeB » Sun Dec 17, 2017 12:14 pm

There is no point.

An addict lies. Tryhing to discern the truth is impossible and an effort in futility.

However, the real point is....what about you. What do you want for your life?

Is this it?

I hear in your words that if only he loved you all would be well...

not so much.

It isn't about love with addiction.

Well....even that is not so much. It is about love in one important way. Love of
ourselves and understanding that we have the right to a beautiful, joyful and
serene life.

That was the point for me.

User avatar
IsaJ26
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:49 pm
option_firstname:

Re: What’s the point?!

Post by IsaJ26 » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:45 pm

when someone asks me how I'm doing...I say fine. There's so much about my life that is fine, but it is overshadowed by my ALO's lives and my concern for them. I can't, or choose not to go into the details with the people asking my how I'm doing...I just say, I'm fine. I guess, or I'm supposing that when our loved one's say I love you, maybe they mean it, but they choose not to talk about all the other things in their life that does not line up with that. What's the point? I guess I choose to make something out of things I don't understand.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests