New here and looking for advice

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Pa95
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New here and looking for advice

Post by Pa95 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:12 pm

So I’m new here. I was with my boyfriend for 2 years who I found out had been on meth and other things the whole time. Anyways a few months back he swore he was off and clean and wanted our family. I have 2 boys that aren’t his. And anyways now I’m pregnant and I kicked him out because he isn’t clean and he told me to never contact him again. He hasent contacted me he usually does but he is probably with someone else or using heavily. I don’t figure he will try to Be in the child’s life but my family and his is telling me to get rid of it well not in those words but that’s how it seems. I don’t know what to do and if I do have the child I am hoping he won’t try to Be involved. But is there a chance he will pop up?
Last edited by Pa95 on Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 12:28 pm

Hugs to you!

I can tell you from my experience that addiction is a progressive disease and unless the addict decides to seek help/treatment that there's nothing beyond setting our own boundaries that we can do to help them get better. I will say that my husband was in active use while I was pregnant with my daughter and for the few months after her birth. He was even arrested when she was four months old. Each person is different and for my husband, he tends to cycle with his addiction. We had a few really good years prior to this most recent fall out that he's having with addiction. My children are precious to me and I wouldn't change that for the world. My husband was actively using during my daughters pregnancy and I was a teen mom during my sons pregnancy. Neither pregnancies were ideal. I did consider adoption when I was pregnant with my son but ended up not pursuing that and for me, I'm so glad I didn't.

MarieW
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by MarieW » Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:51 pm

Welcome to the Forum. No one has a crystal ball or can tell the future. I certainly can't predict what the addicts in my life will do. I try to stay focused on what is happening NOW and make the best decisions I can for me.

Before I found Nar-Anon and started working the steps, it was very hard for me to tell what was in my control and what wasn't. Because of this, I didn't make very good decisions. I kept worrying about and trying to change things that were not under my control and weren't in my "hula hoop." Mostly I tried to control and change my son and husband. As you can guess, it didn't get my anywhere, but it did get me a whole bunch of anger and resentment.

Have you found a meeting (Nar-Anon or Al-anon) in your area? The best thing I did was to start going to meetings and working the steps. I ordered literature and started reading. Slowly, the right things to do became more clear.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

Pa95
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by Pa95 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 5:33 pm

I am a full time nursing student and also work full time plus the kids so I dont have much free time that’s why I found this website. I figured you guys would have some experience or advice on how to better handle this situation. I think I took the right step in telling him to leave as now he doesn’t have a place to stay and hitting his bottom might cause him to act. But then part of me wants to not care at all no matter what his potentional outcome is.

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vscook
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by vscook » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:06 pm

Welcome to the forum. We do not give advice, but we do share our experience strength and hope. You will get out of this program what you put into it. Meetings, sponsor, steps are the way to go. Find a face to face meeting in your area and/or attend online meetings. Online meetings are held every Sunday, Monday & Wednesday at 8 pm Eastern. I hope you will join us.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

Pa95
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by Pa95 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:15 pm

How do I join online tonight

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vscook
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by vscook » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:20 pm

There is a button at the top of the page that says Online Meeting. Just click on that & it will take you to the Chat Room.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

MarieW
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by MarieW » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:22 pm

To join the online meeting, just click on the words "on-line meeting" at the top off this page. You can read all about the format in the posts under Announcements.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

yogini
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Re: New here and looking for advice

Post by yogini » Thu Dec 14, 2017 1:01 am

I'm new too. Meth is a terrible drug. So sad when children are around addiction. I grew up in a violent alcoholic home and spent years recovering.
4 years ago my mum died suddenly and then my brothers wife left him soon after and he started on cocaine and then crack and then meth. He was such a sweet person, he's really changed and he has really messed his life up. After 18 years of working hard and doing well, he has blown his divorce. He got evicted this week and is on his third night of sleeping in a U-Haul. I've finally persuaded my dad to stop sending him money, he is going to send me money so I can pay for a motel and send him a gift card for food and maybe a gas card if they still exist. He's so sneaky though. I'm disabled and I've got the killer flu and I've spent hours today dealing with him, my dad, his now ex-wife, her lawyer, his lawyer and I ended up with my heart pounding and feeling like I'd taken meth (which I never have) When he is ranting on I feel like I've taken it.
I'm too sick to go to a real meeting so I am very grateful I found this website and actually figured out how it works!!
Thank you for being there
Lesley (yogini)

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