Over the years

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Over the years

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 11:41 am

I sometimes get so caught up in my current situation and analyzing what's currently happening that I forget to look at the larger picture. While five months seems like an eternity, when you look at the larger picture it's a small grain of sand on the beach of a lifetime. Granite, that small grain of sand has very sharp edges and hurts tremendously when you step on it or even think about it.

I wish I had a story of success for my marriage right now. I wish I could say how we've been through the lowest of lows and we're coming out of it. I don't yet and that sucks. But what I can say is that I'm relying on my higher power (for me is God) and accepting this journey as ours. I'm taking it one day at the time for myself and my children. I'm allowing myself to cry and grieve and also allowing myself to make plans again and do fun things for myself and the kids. Day by day, trusting that this will work itself out. Trusting that the boundaries I've implemented will create the future and life ahead that will benefit us all.

While getting so caught up in the current situation of my life and the hopelessness I feel, I've often overlooked a very similar situation of hope. My AH's mother struggled with alcohol for many, many years. It's my understanding that she drank/partied alot when she was younger but stopped for many years. As an adult with nearly-adult children she spiraled. I often resented her for all that she put us through. She totaled many vehicles due to alcohol, she trashed many a vacation, racked up a few charges against her, her marriage fell apart (other variables with that too), we'd get phone calls at 3am that she was in the hospital and we needed to show up to take her home once they released her, phone calls that she had wrecked but didn't know where she was and had people searching for her all night, she was living out of her car at one point, and on and on and on. At that time my husband wasn't in full-blown addiction but he wasn't very stable so I did my best to take the brunt of it so as not to cause any unnecessary stress that might trigger him (which in hind-sight was how I lived my life unsuccessfully). I built up resentment towards her. She once showed up to pick up our son and I felt uneasy when she left with him - that surely she wouldn't be drinking and then coming to get our son - confirmed, she had! After that she wasn't allowed to take my son anywhere. She could come visit, but it was supervised. She came to his soccer game and I saw her drinking liquor in her car before his game. It was difficult to live through but she had to face her consequences.

I'm here to say that she lived with us for three years while she tried to get her life back on track. She got a legitimate job, picked up side jobs, joined AA, got multiple sponsors over the years. She did relapse while living with us - at least once that I know of because she also got a DUI that night. It was enough to zap her right back to where she needed to be. She's living as a fully functioning adult, on her own now, and I couldn't be more proud of where she is today. And with everything that she, herself, has gone through she's in a position to be the person she needs to be for her son during his current time of crisis. She moved out this year into her own place which she purchased...about the same time my AH moved out to pursue addiction full time. At first I wanted to continue my resentments towards her - I wanted to blame her for what my husband was doing, although also knowing he was responsible for his own actions. I'm still working through all of those emotions...

I'm hopeful for my AH, that he too will get his life on track, but it's comforting for me to see her successes at regaining her life and the hope that reflects for the rest of us. Her strength to hold on to her sobriety and truly work her program is inspiring.

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Re: Over the years

Post by jeanette » Wed Dec 13, 2017 1:24 pm

I love your analogy of the grain of sand

Thank you for sharing your story!
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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Re: Over the years

Post by Jade11 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 3:00 pm

Thank you for sharing! I also loved your idea of a small grain of sand on the beach of our lives.
I feel such a difference not living in fear of the unknown tomorrow. I've been turning over a quote in my head lately: "Today is the first day of the rest of my life." Only in my head I say it: "TODAY is the first day of the BEST of my life." Every day is a day for us, One Day at a Time. xx

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