Stuck between addict and alcoholic

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2017 12:42 am

Stuck between addict and alcoholic

Post by Rhonda » Tue Dec 12, 2017 1:10 pm

Ahhhh! So frustrated with my ALOs. My in denial alcoholic bf I live with doesn't believe in any of this program nonsense I'm a part of. My 20yo AD has been in her first rehab and 3rd sober living house for about six months. She also doesn't believe in the 12 steps and wants to get away from those "other irresponsible immature addicts". They tempt her and she once again failed test and was evicted yesterday. She's a couple hours away from me. For the last couple months she's been asking to come home to get away from them and save money for 2-3 months to get a normal place to live. Well she hit a deer yesterday and has an undrivable car. BF has had enough of "my way" and is going to go get her and car, bring her home, control everything, and parent her like the 15yo brat she is acting. He's sure it's been my bad parenting that's "allowed" her to get in this mess. He will also call her dad several states away and make him come get her and father her appropriately.

While I understand he is naive and just doesn't know better about how to deal with addicts, and has not chosen to learn anything, I do appreciate his concern and will to fix it. I'm strong enough in my program to believe I didn't cause it no matter how hard he tries to make me believe it. I know I can't control it nor cure it. I guess he'll have to learn that himself. It is causing difficulties between us. I try to ignore his drunk rantings and not take things personally. He only shares his feelings when drunk, otherwise he keeps them bottled up.

I don't want her coming home. I don't want to enable. She's perfectly capable of handling things herself. This feels like going right back to where we were six months ago. I was willing to let her stay here a couple months to save some money to move on like a responsible adult, with some boundaries we agreed to. But then she lost her car and we live in a rural area and I'm going to have to drive her around. And now bf has this idea he can fix her. They are both very stubborn and I'm easily manipulated. Oh dear lord I don't want to be here for this. I can deal with his junk and for the most part hers (still got some "that's my baby" mama issues), but the two at the same time?!

My plan is to just let it pan out the way it's going to. Let them deal with each other and keep me out and of it. Let go and let God. I didn't cause it, can't control it, can't fix it. I think they will both learn something. I hope so at least.

How does one cope with those who don't believe in this program and tell you you are doing the wrong things? I go to both naranon and alanon. I'm still a baby. I don't have a sponsor. This board has been a great support for me and I've learned so much.

User avatar
Posts: 732
Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2014 1:13 pm
Location: Desert SW
option_firstname: JR

Re: Stuck between addict and alcoholic

Post by SDIN2T » Tue Dec 12, 2017 2:34 pm

How does one cope with those who don't believe in this program and tell you you are doing the wrong things?
It's none of my business what others think of me or the things I do.

And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

Posts: 207
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Stuck between addict and alcoholic

Post by Ma1954 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 3:40 pm

I also have said that I will let the cards fall where they may. I don't want anything to do with my son's bad choices. I seem to get sucked back in all the time. That's where I have to be a stronger person and stick to my boundaries. TYFS. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Posts: 2434
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:10 pm
Location: SF Bay Area, CA

Re: Stuck between addict and alcoholic

Post by MarieW » Tue Dec 12, 2017 5:15 pm

I always go back to the Serenity Prayer. What can I change? What can I not? I make a list:

I can't change:
That my son is an addict.
Whether or not my son uses drugs or seeks recovery
How or if my son works his recovery
My son's decisions and actions
That my husband is an addict
That my husband is choosing not to take any action to improve his health
How others react to me working my program and making changes to my life

What I can change:
Where and with whom whom I live
How I spend my money
Who I spend time with and under what circumstances
Where my attention is focused
How I work my program

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

User avatar
Posts: 897
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:11 pm
option_firstname: Carmen

Re: Stuck between addict and alcoholic

Post by belkar1 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:33 am

How do I cope ?

By working my program like a junk yard dog. My son many times in his long history of addiction has told me do not use that nar a non stuff on him.

I do what works for me and that is this program, meetings, talking to my sponsor (who is now my friend) revisiting my steps. Reading, posting, coming to meetings here works.

My sons recovery or not is his, how he works his recovery is none of my business. I have learned how to have a life no matter what he is doing. Is it simple NO, but so much better than living in his life and addiction.

It all comes down to my choices, how I choose to live my life. When I came many years ago I was just as sick as my son only in a different way. When I began to work with a sponsor, and made a decission. To take care of me, was the best decission in my life.

Today I have a life, and live the joy in it everyday.


Blue Sky
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2015 5:21 pm

Re: Stuck between addict and alcoholic

Post by Blue Sky » Wed Dec 13, 2017 7:52 am

Beautifully said and inspirational. Thank you!!!

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 2 guests