Thank you. From a Newbie.

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Eph6v13
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Thank you. From a Newbie.

Post by Eph6v13 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:43 am

I just found this group and am so glad I did! The strength you all show by sharing your stories and supporting each other is incredible and gives me hope!!

My husband is an addict. He has a history of abusing alcohol and prescription pain medication. He acknowledges his issues with alcohol, says he uses alcohol as a "coping mechanism". He learned that term from a counselor and has latched on to those words trying to make it acceptable.

The pain medication is a whole other beast. My husband has had four surgeries, for two different injuries, in the last seven years. He has been prescribed narcotics continuously for the past five years, with no end in sight. He is under the care of a pain management doctor who is aware that he has not been taking his meds as prescribed. All they do is switch to something new for a few weeks and then put him back on Percocet.

In October I realized just how badly his addiction was controlling me. I sought out a counselor and am being treated for both anxiety and depression. His disease had become all consuming for me. With two small children I knew I could not continue to go down this path. It wasn't fair to them to have a father who is not present (physically yes, mentally not at all) and a mother so swrapped up in trying to fix everything that she can't concentrate on anything else.

After my first session with the counselor I spoke to my husband. I told him in order for us to be able to work on our marriage, I needed him to go to rehab first. He said he didnt need rehab because he had not had a drink in 8 months. He replaced alcohol with pills, A months prescription would be gone in a number of days. The morning after this conversation he proceeded to get so drunk that he couldn't get off the bathroom floor. The kids and I left him there for his parents to pick up. I haven't allowed him to come home since. This is the second time this year he has been put of our home as a consequence to his alcohol and drug use. I'm afraid this time it's for good.

He has no intention of getting off of the drugs because he is in "chronic pain". After nursing this man through 2 injuries and 4 surgeries I can honestly say his "pain" today looks a hell of a lot different than it has in the past.

I've decided it's time to find me again. To focus on my sweet babies and building a life for us. I'm not sure where he fits in and I am becoming more and more ok with that. Thank you for sharing your stories and for listening to mine!

MarieW
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Re: Thank you. From a Newbie.

Post by MarieW » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:49 pm

Welcome to the Forum. My husband also gets his pain pills from a doctor. He had the bad luck of getting into a pain management program for a bad back ten years ago when the prevailing philosophy was that no one should be in pain and oxy was the solution.

He is currently living in a board and care home because two years ago he broke his hip and leg as a result of mixing pain pills with beer and he still wont walk. In the previous year, he got a DUI and broke his wrist. I moved out three years ago. Over the years, as the pill use continued, his world got smaller and smaller until there was no room for me. In the process, he destroyed his relationship with our daughter. Our son began stealing his Dad's pills when he was 17. Now at 24, he is a full blown heroin addict, though just for today he is clean.

At no time has my husband admitted that he was an addict or seriously sought recovery. At some point, I decided I had to let go or spend the rest of my life being dragged down by his disease. I wish I had found Nar-Anon much sooner.

Keep reading and posting. Attend our on-line meetings. Find a face to face meeting in your area (Nar-Anon or Al-Anon). This program has saved my sanity too many times to count and made my life so much better.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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Jade11
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Re: Thank you. From a Newbie.

Post by Jade11 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:21 pm

Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you're here.
It wasn't fair to them to have a father who is not present (physically yes, mentally not at all) and a mother so swrapped up in trying to fix everything that she can't concentrate on anything else.
I know just what you mean. My husband is an addict and we also have two young children at home. I have to detach from my AH's addiction so I can learn to live again for me and for my kids. They deserve that stability and care from me.
Keep coming back!

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belkar1
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Re: Thank you. From a Newbie.

Post by belkar1 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 8:44 pm

WELCOME

This forum, my family of choice, my sponsor and coming to meetings saved me a million times over. I can encourage you to stay a while, they say do not leave till the miracle happens.

It did for me and can for you too if you really want it.

Love
Belkar

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Thank you. From a Newbie.

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:37 pm

My AH has been "self medicating" for some time. He's coupled that with various other addictions. It snowballed this year and we've struggled badly... He's not been in our home a good portion of the year. Its been much more difficult than I ever could have imagined. I've had to do a lot of soul searching and reconnecting with my higher power. My kids have struggled to understand and feel abandoned, as do I. What I can say is my home has been more peaceful and hopefully I'm providing a peaceful home for my children while allowing enough space for God to work in my AH and in me. I think the saying is hand it over to God and get out of His way. In no way am I giving up on my husband or on my marriage and family but the man he is right now isn't my husband. He knows this and knows what he needs to do to get his life back. It's out of my control. I've found a lot of support that took me a while to locate...people that understand addiction but also understand my desire to reconcile my marriage with someone that has done some pretty unbelievable things. That's been a huge blessing to me but was difficult to find such support. The kids and I were playing tonight and my daughter commented how much she loved our family. She also heard someone saying "you're the best, mom" and quickly told me that they were mistaking cause I am the best mom ❤️ Tonight she also prayed for her daddy. We all miss him tremendously and can't wait to have him back....him though, not this stranger occupying his body right now. I can say the peace in our home is a blessing to the kids as difficult as its been for us this year. Each situation is unique and each person is different but I can relate to your story so much.

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