Sibling xanax addiction

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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M1314
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Sibling xanax addiction

Post by M1314 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 6:21 am

My brother and I are just a year and a half apart, him the elder. My mom tells me when we were younger, the only person who could calm me when I was upset was him. He led the way. He set the bar. He was my biggest competition but not at all. In high school he graduated top of his class, was the captain of the soccer and ice hockey team, had a great relationship with a great girlfriend, solid friends who were close to my family, and an honest relationship with my parents. If he were to drink or "party" then, he would tell my parents, and talk about it. I on the other hand, never took advantage of how smart I was and used that to stay average with minimal work. I partied a lot. I didn't listen to my parents. They did not like my friends. And I didn't care.
Addiction runs in my family. Because of my behavior my parents frequently sent my uncle with 40 years of addiction to my room to talk about my habits. But I knew I was ok. I knew my friends were good. I knew I was experimenting. I knew I was smart. I hated how they worried about me. I hated that they didn't get it. I hated how they were in my business. I hated how he got away with everything. But we still shared a connection. He friends were my brothers. He understood me and left me alone. I knew it was at his highest importance to be my older brother. To be that knowledgeable advice giving, responsible, big brother.
He went to a top ivy college. He was a finance major. He dreamed of Wall Street. He joined a frat. He has always needed to be the best at whatever he was doing. He partied a lot. He became the ultimate frat guy in his fraternity. He became the best partier. The guy who got straight As ", but also the guy who had all the drugs. I'm unsure if this is important, but he was born 2 months premature. An then he dropped off. I remember my best friend and I smoking a joint in his room over summer break and he had pills shipped to him. Like, 500 pills. He started to have a glazed over look, and was explosively angry. He was cheating on his girlfriend, a friend of mine in my grade, because he could. everything happened so fast. After studying abroad inshanghai, he came home different. And when he went back the next semester, he basically disappeared. And that's when we all realized.
He called my dad one night back at college (2hrs from him) and didn't know where he was. It was pouring. My dad drove up and couldn't get in touch. He searched the whole campus. My brother called. He was lost on a bench in the middle of campus. Just sitting in the pouring rain. A month later his friends contacted my mom that no one had seen him in weeks and he wasn't going to class . My mom came to my work, took me immediately and we went to find him. I thought I was going to find his dead body (at the time unsure of specifically what he was using). Many rehabs later, where he learned to steal and use and creep better, none of which he completed, all of which he was kicked out of, he was living back with my parents. He found random doctors and knew exactly what to say to get the prescription he craved. He was in therapy and diagnosed with severe bipolar disorder. He was on suboxone a million times. They kicked him out to in desperation. No one spoke to him. I found him and got him a cheap phoneZ I let him sleep on my couch. I woke up three mornings in a row to a mess and a bottle of pills in his pocket. I took his phone and pills while he slept a he woke up and threatened to crack my head open. The neighbors called the police. I just said I needed him outZ months later he is stayin with this guy who found me, addressed his issue and wanted to set him up. I bailed last minute but sprurised him and begged him to go to rehab, to which he declined. And that was all I could take. It drove my parents to divorce. And 3years , he's still in the loop. My mom expressed how important it is for him to still be my older brother and let him advise me and be above in some sense. So I let him. But slowly dropped away. I didn't go to holidays, I didn't visit. I tried to move away but kept coming backZ I didn't know what to say. We've never really talked about it.
Because he won't change. I think about all I have experienced since my senior year of high school, now 25, and how all he has experienced is addiction, therapists, and living with my parents. He has no friends. And when he does he wants so badly to be accepted and normal he keeps it secret. He drinks with them and then gets pills. We've had unrelated arguments since. Usually about my lack of appearance and general short attitude. But it's because I'm so angry. I spent that whole summer looking for him when he was kicked out. I spent all that time understanding. And I cant. My whole family gives me @%&* for not showing up. But no one reached out to help. No one called to see how I was doing. When they see me it's like I'm not well but my life is really &*%$@$ good and I hate that they always think I'm a mess. I told my parents I understood why they got divorced and it was ok, but it doesn't mean I wasn't crushed. I didn't want them to worry about me on top of what they were dealing withZ but I thought in their hearts they knew I was hurting.
He's gone to me. It's like he doesn't exist. And I don't think he'll come back anymore. And I can't do it anymore because it hurts so bad. And now I feel this pressure, because now my family reaches out, but I dont think I owe them anything. And I don't know what to do. And no one understands. And it breaks my heart.i would love to hear advice and related situations because I don't know anymore
Xoxo

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LKSG8R
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by LKSG8R » Sun Dec 10, 2017 7:50 am

Welcome, welcome, welcome! You are in the right place. My addicted loved one is my 22 year old son, and your brother's story is very similar to his. My AS is also very smart, excelled in school and sports, grew up with solid friends whose families were a close knit group with us. He had his tonsils removed before junior year of high school and discovered he liked playing video games while high on oxycodone. He managed to keep it all together until freshman year of college.

I don't have any advice to give except find a face-to face (f2f) meeting if you can, and read as many posts (and replies) on this forum as you can. The experience strength and hope you will find in this program is invaluable to staying sane when loving someone with an addiction. The only way you can "help" your brother is to get help for yourself.

I wish you some peace in your heart today,
Lisa
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

MarieW
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by MarieW » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:55 pm

Welcome. Your post illustrates how addiction really is a family disease. It affects all the relationships in the family as everyone tries to deal with the situation. The thing is, dealing with an addict in the family is too much for most of us to handle alone. The good news is, we don't have to. We have Nar-Anon.

Find a Nar-Anon meeting in your area. If there are none, try Al-Anon. Keep reading and posting here. Attend our on-line meetings (read the posts under Announcements for more info).

This program has made such a profound positive difference in my life. I hope you keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:57 pm

I can relate to your post and your interactions with family. My situation is different and my withdrawal from family is for different reasons but it's not easy regardless of the reasoning. Hugs to you, you aren't alone!

CC71
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by CC71 » Mon Dec 11, 2017 12:02 am

I have an 18 year old whose drug of choice is Zanax. He moved out a day after his 18th birthday, dropped out of school and probably still be on the streets if he didn't get arrested. We are hoping he will get PTI. He joined A A and NA but recently meetings don't seem to be as important. Though he picked up 30 day chip a week ago, I'm not positive that he has remained clean. His friends haven't changed. He still sneaks out. So wondering if we are going to actually have to kick him out which may be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have started going to Ala non which has helped me to keep some sanity and not have a nervous breakdown. I want to find a Nar anon meeting soon too. I've realized I have to work my own program and take care of me because I can't take him by the hand and drag him through life. He has to make his own decisions, live his own life. I wish the worry would go away but I'm a mom I'm sure it never will. Take care of you. Maybe one day your brother will clean up and come back to you until then take care of YOU! C C

M1314
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by M1314 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:23 am

LKSG8R wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 7:50 am
Welcome, welcome, welcome! You are in the right place. My addicted loved one is my 22 year old son, and your brother's story is very similar to his. My AS is also very smart, excelled in school and sports, grew up with solid friends whose families were a close knit group with us. He had his tonsils removed before junior year of high school and discovered he liked playing video games while high on oxycodone. He managed to keep it all together until freshman year of college.

I don't have any advice to give except find a face-to face (f2f) meeting if you can, and read as many posts (and replies) on this forum as you can. The experience strength and hope you will find in this program is invaluable to staying sane when loving someone with an addiction. The only way you can "help" your brother is to get help for yourself.

I wish you some peace in your heart today,
Lisa
I did not think I would get a reply but am so thankful for yours! The fact is I have done the face to face. A few times, and he thinks he's above it. That's the finance world in him. He can't accept he hasn't succeeded.
Rehab has showed me how flawed the system is.He has told me how much he learned from being there. Also, the costs vs failure make me so angry! I've begged, he thinks he's better. So I stopped asking. When that guy he was living with wanted to set him up, with my whole family removed, he backed away and I begged him. And I get it, I get how it can totally not work. And how it sucks to be there. If you don't want to be there, but every time is a chance. SO much love to you and your son, I believe it takes finding a connected soul to give you purpose. I am so thankful for you. Has your son been to rehab yet? What was your experience? How does he react and feel about it, if it has been brought up? Xoxo

M1314
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Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:45 am
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by M1314 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:32 am

CC71 wrote:
Mon Dec 11, 2017 12:02 am
I have an 18 year old whose drug of choice is Zanax. He moved out a day after his 18th birthday, dropped out of school and probably still be on the streets if he didn't get arrested. We are hoping he will get PTI. He joined A A and NA but recently meetings don't seem to be as important. Though he picked up 30 day chip a week ago, I'm not positive that he has remained clean. His friends haven't changed. He still sneaks out. So wondering if we are going to actually have to kick him out which may be the hardest thing I have ever done. I have started going to Ala non which has helped me to keep some sanity and not have a nervous breakdown. I want to find a Nar anon meeting soon too. I've realized I have to work my own program and take care of me because I can't take him by the hand and drag him through life. He has to make his own decisions, live his own life. I wish the worry would go away but I'm a mom I'm sure it never will. Take care of you. Maybe one day your brother will clean up and come back to you until then take care of YOU! C C
The only relief in kicking him out is that he cannot hurt me with his lies and stealing. But it's confusing of how it registers with him. And I do believe he, and your son, feel the pain of their addiction when we have to let them go. I do believe they recognize the unconditional love. The driving force is our undying love. The most confusing force is out undying love. It's our biggest weapon! Thankful for your love and I pass it back in this battle.

M1314
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option_firstname: Melon

Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by M1314 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:32 am

Claytonmomof2 wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:57 pm
I can relate to your post and your interactions with family. My situation is different and my withdrawal from family is for different reasons but it's not easy regardless of the reasoning. Hugs to you, you aren't alone!
Love and luck and love and luck <3

M1314
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Joined: Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:45 am
option_firstname: Melon

Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by M1314 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 1:46 am

Most recently, after the holidays, my brother posted as sober and well. As progressing. My family gave me a whole dose of @%&* for not feeling every ounce of love for family and my brothers progress. For, being kind of bitchy. He went to NY and totaled his car a few days prior. He says he's been sober and well to them. I'm upset.
A Day or two after thanksgiving, he accidentally texted my cousin for pills instead of his dealer. This is my everyday. They think I'm overreactive.
He gets so shitty to his dealer too. "This is your job, fcking do something right" how rude?
Mycousin told me, i called him, no answer, I called my mom...
It sucks to even have to call her, bc she's endlessly dealt with This. But, it was actually relieving for me, for my extended family to see what happens. And for him to not be able to hide the reality of his addiction. I hope he can reach a point where he leans on all of us. Another point of my removal, I will never lie for him. I don't think his relapses should be secret. 7 years later.
When we are so removed, when we have gone through the worst together, how do I support? How should I feel abOut his hiding of addiction? How should I act around new friends? How do I encourage him to own his addiction?

M1314
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by M1314 » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:01 am

It seems so insignificant but the reminder to take care of your self was really important and helpful. And although it's hard for me to do the same, I hope you all take your own advice. Sometimes you need a reminder! And someone to tell you it is ok to do so.

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vscook
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Re: Sibling xanax addiction

Post by vscook » Fri Dec 15, 2017 10:47 am

I'm so sorry for your situation. Please keep coming back - go to f2f meetings, online meetings, read posts/replies, read Naranon literature. PM people who you feel have helped you or with whom you feel an affinity. Reach out, don't isolate. Most importantly - remember this program is about YOU. You cannot change or control your brother, but you can change yourself.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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