Christmas gifts

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Meemaw
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Christmas gifts

Post by Meemaw » Sat Dec 09, 2017 11:53 pm

My AD daughter is deep in her addiction right now and I know she will have no money to buy Christmas gifts for my grandchildren. I am thinking of buying gifts for the kids and say that they are from their mom, I don’t know what else to do. If I dont buy the gifts the kids will be heart broken that their mom did not get them anything, they have been hurt so much already by her addiction why let them hurt for Christmas. Has anyone else gone through this?

DeanW
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Re: Christmas gifts

Post by DeanW » Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:42 am

Yes. For years. I buy whatever I want to give them and then ask their Mom if she has any ideas (and get those). I never put giver's names on gifts, just the recipient. If pushed I always say, "from the family".....

Adding: the above thinking evolved over time. Yes, I thought like you are thinking - and, honestly, I still struggle with trying to manage other's relationships. I can't do that. I do not have that power even if I have the desire.
Last edited by DeanW on Sun Dec 10, 2017 8:27 am, edited 2 times in total.

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belkar1
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Re: Christmas gifts

Post by belkar1 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 7:40 am

I have found over the years of working my program. For me I thought that if my son was in his daughters life it would make a difference. IT DID NOT, I have learned to be honest with my self.

For me it is about finding love in a smile. Finding joy in a hug, being present with compassion.

I no longer bend my brain thinking how I can replace my son. That is not my job, I am grandma. I can not make up for my sons, addiction, enter the 3'c

Yes we do have presents, and they are signed LOVE YOU......childs name, from the North Pole !!!!!! simple works for me

Love
Belkar

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Jade11
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Re: Christmas gifts

Post by Jade11 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:59 pm

I felt the same with my kids. My AH was often absent (physically or emotionally) on special events or holidays. I would make up excuses why Dad didn't show up for school events, holiday mornings, etc.
I thought this would protect the kids from hurt. But they were hurt by his addiction even with the cover ups. Even at a young age they knew something was not right and I don't think my lies helped any. I can't fix their relationship even though I wish I could. I can only focus on being the best mom I can, making sure they know I am here for them.
I consult my AH ahead of time about what to buy but don't expect him to take part in gifting. If he does that is great! In the meantime I buy gifts I know they'll love and label "TO: ___ with love." <3

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