Depressed in sober living

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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inrecoverymyself17
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Depressed in sober living

Post by inrecoverymyself17 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 11:48 am

After spending months of reading, I am finally taking the initial step of sharing. To give a quick background, I have been with my RABF for 4+ years. His family and I admitted him to rehab for 3 months, and a month ago we moved him to sober living. During thanksgiving, when I saw him for the first time after he admitted to sober living, he was a different person. He was thoughtful and considerate, and I was falling for him again. This past week however, he didn't communicate and set up a visitation with me. I sent him an understanding text stating it is ok if he has bad days and doesn't want to share, I will be here if he changes his mind. Couple days ago I have received texts from him, sharing he doesn't know what to do, he feels like dying, and if going through rehab and sober living doesn't change his mood, he doesn't know what will. I wrote back it is completely normal he is feeling hopeless and this is a stage, but in reality I also don't know what to do. I don't feel much different than what he does, and sometimes I forget the purpose of my life. It is challenging to not just sit in my house and cry all day. The worst part is, I was starting to believe things are getting better in my life. Now, I'm falling back to emptiness. I know addiction is a lifelong disease, but I don't know if I am strong enough to wait until he is back to being his normal healthy self. I love him and care enough to go through this road with him, but it is hard to maintain my hope. The uncertainty of his health, when I would see him, and if/when he will communicate make my life very miserable. I try to keep myself as busy as possible, but sometimes, I can't help but be lost in hopelessness and have nothing to look forward to in my life. If you have been through a similar experience, I would love to read your story. Thank you for reading!

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jeanette
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Re: Depressed in sober living

Post by jeanette » Tue Dec 05, 2017 12:29 pm

Welcome -

I know that my husband was depressed when he was in sober living - It wasn't what he thought his life or our life together was going to be.

Well, it wasn't what I thought our life together would be, and I certainly never thought that after 15 years of marriage I would now have an addicted spouse.

I was as supportive as anyone could be, I was the cheerleader on the sides,
but at a point, for my own sanity
I had to stop

See I was working hard on me - meetings, sponsor, steps, counseling, journaling, family, friends
I did not see a similar change in him

I realized he may never change back or change forward
he may stay stuck in his blaming others or circumstances
and that was not me.

So I had to decide to live MY best life
and if I was healthy enough to give him the support (mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally) I would

but I realized he may never get better - and I wanted to be better for ME!
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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