The phone call

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Meemaw
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The phone call

Post by Meemaw » Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:35 pm

Well my AD called me tonight, I knew by the tone in her voice she was going to ask for money. She has a new boyfriend living with her in her trailer and he does odd jobs to make money to pay bills (i believe he is also an addict, smoking meth). She is not working, she says she has had some interviews but still no job, I think it’s because of her addiction. Her property note is now overdue and she owes over 700 dollars, she says she is about to lose everything. She also made a title loan on her car and probably owes that too. She said I can just pay the property note directly to the office if I want to as to not give her any money direct. I told her she does not need money she needs rehab, I also told her if she doesn’t lose it now sooner or later she will if she doesn’t get help. Of course she said never mind, have a good night and hung up on me. My heart is so hurt I really don’t know what to do, do I let her lose her home? I am praying to my HP for help and guidance.

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flash
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Re: The phone call

Post by flash » Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:43 pm

I'm sorry that I have no answers. When I was confused about what to do I often repeated the slogan "doing nothing is doing something" over and over.
I hope your guidance comes to you.
Love, Donna

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LKSG8R
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Re: The phone call

Post by LKSG8R » Tue Dec 05, 2017 6:16 am

Another good slogan is "Nothing changes if nothing changes." Since I can't change my addict's actions, the actions I can change are my own. It's been very hard to be hard sometimes. I try to look at the long term picture- not the immediate satisfaction the addict desires and immediate relief from pressure and anxiety that I desire.

I hope you find some peace in your heart.
Lisa
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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Ronni
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Re: The phone call

Post by Ronni » Tue Dec 05, 2017 9:28 am

It was a very difficult choice for me to make, but I stopped paying my RAS's rent when he was short. It contributed to him ultimately becoming homeless, but THAT contributed to his recovery.

The lack of money to pay his bills, losing his phone, his apartment, his car, so much loss....but it was all just consequences of his addiction, as was his homelessness. It was so difficult for me as his Mom to not help. As a parent, I feel like it's just hard wired in me to reach out and assist when any of my loved ones are struggling. But I didn't. I just stopped trying to get in between him and the consequences of his choices and his addiction, and let them play out.

He's been working a strong recovery for three years now. He will be the first one to tell you that no matter how much it pissed him off in the moment, that me stopping enabling him and "helping" him was a turning point for him on the road to his recovery, and he has thanked me for that many times.
My son's addiction is something that happened TO HIM. It is NOT something he did TO ME.

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DonnaMc
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Re: The phone call

Post by DonnaMc » Tue Dec 05, 2017 5:06 pm

I paid many things for many years for my AS. Thousands of dollars spent because I feared him being homeless and losing everything. Despite all that, he became homeless and lost everything. And I was thousands of dollars lighter in my bank account.

Peace,

Donna Mc
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer - Albert Camus

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whitedove
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Re: The phone call

Post by whitedove » Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:37 am

This is a hot button topic for me....Unbeknownst to me I have been paying my sons drug dealer each time he borrowed money....Just out of university, starting his career in an expensive city....NEVER ONCE had it crossed my mind that the reason he was borrowing money was to fuel his addiction...I was happy to help...until i found out....He has dug himself deeply in debt through credit cards...and I WILL NOT help him pay these off....but that is my choice....we each have to make the choice that is best for us at the time, to pay or not to pay. Looks like he will probably lose his job too...I am angry...like I said....A hot button for me.

Ma1954
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Re: The phone call

Post by Ma1954 » Thu Dec 07, 2017 1:11 am

I have been driven by guilt to help my son with rent. I gave him rent money last week because I didn't want him homeless for Christmas. I am in big debt now and can't help him anymore. He was so depressed and sick last week. I don't no how to help him anymore. All his problems are the consequences of addiction. The Aftermath. I need to help me. That will be a battle. :shock: Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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