Not sure what to feel

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Not sure what to feel

Post by Hopeful14 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:15 am

Good Morning,

Yesterday my 40 day sober boyfriend had a relapse. At least that is what I am calling it. He Doesn't agree. He told me it was a good thing it happened because now it is out of his system and he remembers how much he hates it. I don't know what to think anymore. He swears he is done now for good but i have heard that story before. He got angry at me for being upset. Do I have a right to be upset? Or am I over reacting? I was so hopeful this time it would be over for good and i know that is naive but i need something to hold on to. I am sorry if this is rambling, I have no one to talk to as no one knows about this part of our lives.

Thank you for listening

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Re: Not sure what to feel

Post by vscook » Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:23 am

I'm sorry for your situation. Addiction is a life-long disease. It can be arrested, but never cured. My husband was an alcoholic who tried very hard to maintain his sobriety, but relapsed many times. The best thing is to keep working your own program. You can't change what others do, but you can change your reactions to it. There is an online meeting tonight at 8 pm Eastern. I hope you will join us.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: Not sure what to feel

Post by Jade11 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:34 am

I'm sorry to hear that. When my RAH relapsed last year it was upsetting for both of us. My RAH tried to handle his relapse alone without support and that didn't work for him. He does better when he's working his recovery plan. For my RAH this means NA meetings, a sponsor and rehab aftercare. I know that addiction is a chronic disease and my RAH can't be cured. It can only be treated and maintained. You say you have no one to talk to. Have you tried attending a 12 step meeting in your area? At the meetings are people I can talk to. They understand what I'm feeling because they have felt many of the same things. You're not alone. Keep coming back. ((hugs))

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Re: Not sure what to feel

Post by belkar1 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 11:01 am

When our loved one uses it is hard for us to wrap our minds around it. Why? is the trillion dollar question. Addiction is a progressive disease, for life. It can be put into remission, sadly no cure as of today.

Anger, is just one emotion that we feel. It is a slippery slope and from my experience. My son could turn it around and blame me, hello the hamster wheel.

From my experience I worked my program like a junk yard dog. I revisited my boundaries, what was I willing to tolerate ? how do I turn my anger into positive change for ME.

After working my program I learned that the promises, tears, his anger at me was just a diversion. To take the focus off him, so he did not have to take responsibility for his actions.

My sons using, relapse, had consequences for him. I learned how to protect myself from entering the hamster wheel, and picking up his consequences.
They are not mine, I do not own it. How did I do it ? meetings, sponsor, steps, F2F, reading, posting....I am a perfectly, imperfect person changing my focus. Putting it back on Me, the only thing I can change.


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