AD is off the rails again

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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AD is off the rails again

Post by vscook » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:25 pm

It must be something about this time of the year. Last year my daughter went off the rails around this time. She was out of control, and I was out of control. She went to outpatient rehab for a while, then stopped going sometime in the spring. I started Naranon in May. Things settled down quite a bit. Although I knew she was using again, I was able to keep focused on my program.

In the last month, she has started to go off the rails again. She has been asking me for money, which she has not done for the past six months. Yesterday, she called me and asked for money to go to the movies with her boyfriend. She promised to pay me back. I said no - just no. She proceeded to argue with me, and I hung up the phone.

She came home last night and was storming around the house. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that she had a fight with her BF because she didn't have any money. I said "Well I'm sorry you had a fight, but I didn't cause it." Wrong thing to say. Of course, it was my fault! Everything would have been fine if I had only given her money.

More storming around the house. Phone calls. Going out to buy "gas". Coming back home and staying up all night watching videos. Not much sleep for me. God, grant me the serenity...
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: AD is off the rails again

Post by cdnstepmom » Fri Dec 01, 2017 3:13 pm

So right you are! My step-AS has started the same thing. He called my husband last night to let him know that what he wants for Christmas is money to go towards paying first and last months rent (for a place of his own). When my husband replied that we would not be giving him cash, he got upset and started spewing about how he will just have to go live in a shelter. To which my husband replied, well, if that is where you go then that is your choice. Your an adult now and you make your own choices, so you need to live with them and hung up on him (YAY Husband!!!). Step-AS is currently living with a friend after being kicked out of his grandmother's place after 3 months of living off of her and treating her miserably. He receives social assistance each month to the tune of approximately $900. In the 3 months that he lived with his grandmother he blew his social assistance cheques on drugs (approx $2,700) plus he "borrowed" $500 from his grandmother to help pay off his dealers. That comes to a grand total of $3,200 he spent in 3 months (never mind the dealing money he would make off of his drug dealing that he just uses to do more drugs). And he attempts to ask for money for rent? My husband and I both know what he is doing. This will not stop him from continuing to try and wear his dad down - the cycle is always the same. I call him a picker. He picks and picks and picks until everyone has had enough of his picking and just gives him what he wants. He has been learning that that no longer works with his dad and I. But if my husband shows any sign of weakness (he's not a hard NO person - I am lol), my step-AS will literally go in for the kill. Especially if he knows I'm not around.

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Re: AD is off the rails again

Post by MarieW » Sat Dec 02, 2017 2:00 am

After working this program for a while, I came to the realization that I have the right to peace and safety in my home. This requires me to take action to keep my home peaceful. For me, this means my 24 year old son cannot live with me. I let him stay for a couple of month last summer while he was recuperating from a broken leg, but then I asked him to leave,. He has been living in a sober living house since then.

As long as he knew he had a soft place to land when he screwed up, he didn't have to accept the consequences of screwing up. He knows that if he relapses and gets kicked out of the SLH, he cannot come here and will be on the streets. That may sound harsh, but I spent many years and thousands of dollars rescuing him. It took a long time for me to get to the place where I was comfortable putting myself first.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. I had to change me because I couldn't change him

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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Re: AD is off the rails again

Post by linda.f » Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:10 am

I found it very hard to live with my son when he was in active addiction.
Although at times I tried, in the end it never worked to my advantage,
but I had to try. When the misery got to tough then he had to go.
I did this over and over again. Wash, rinse and repeat. We all learn
when we learn and when we are sick tired of being sick and tired.

One thing I did learn to say when he was on his rant of always blaming me
was: "Your entitled to your opinion". There really wasn't much he could
argue with when I said that.

I still have to say it to him on occasion and he has been in recovery for a while now.


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