Going home

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Going home

Post by adriftintheworld » Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:41 am

Hello everyone.

After being away from home for a month, and being badgered nearly daily about when I will return, I am going home on Sunday. Boy do I have mixed feelings about this! MY AH has been going to NA meetings, and counseling, and I have been seeing a counselor where I am. My AH has been clean for 1 month. For this, I am very happy! I just fear my return home will bring about a relapse.
I have told my AH I want a fresh start, I want no negatives, no manipulation, no monitoring. If we are going to make this work, we need to trust one another. His response was that I broke his trust by leaving, and we need to get to the root of the problems we had to make things better. I know what the root of the problem was/is. He manipulates, lies, steals and deceives. He has also monitored my computer use, used a key logger to track what I was doing on the computer, and put a GPS monitor on my car. Yet, I left. So I am the bad guy. I am the one who walked out. I left the country. I had planned a bit in advance, and made arrangements with a friend for a place to stay, and a computer to use for work. My friend also arranged my counseling at my request. My AH does not seem to understand that my friend has been his (AH) biggest cheerleader! However, my friend is a man, so in the eyes of my AH, I have been cheating. My friend has told me I need to go home and work these issues out, give my AH another chance, but stick to my guns. Don't let myself be a doormat. Don't let myself be used and treated like a servant.
I know I did not cause my AH addiction. I know I can not change it. I know I can not cure it. I am scared though. My mind swims with the possible outcomes of all of this. I am scared for AH and myself. I thought I was ready to go home, but at the moment, when getting home is less than 72 hours away, I am petrified.

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Re: Going home

Post by AMD1296 » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:32 pm

good morning and We hope your trip home is safe one, we have to remember we can not control anyone especially addicts. Getting to sobriety is a huge thing with a lot of messed up emotions that everyone is trying to handle around them, from the past hurt it is natural to carry iit with you or bound to spill out in a fight or even small argument. Work the 12 steps and stay true to what you love to do! Love and prayer to you!! — here is you need anything :)



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Re: Going home

Post by jeanette » Fri Dec 01, 2017 12:55 pm

Safe Travels!

My ALO often turned the tables on me - redirecting so that his actions were not the ones on the carpet. Addicts see life through a very different lens - and for a long time, even though I KNEW his accusations were not true, somehow I internalized that somehow this was all me and all my fault.

He didn't do this because he didn't love me - in face I know he did - but his disease - his addiction - was trying to remain alive - to sustain itself - and this is how addiction lives.

I had to accept that it wasn't in MY best interest to remain in the situation. It isn't fair to me to remain where I do not thrive. It took me a lot of time and work on myself, in meetings, with my sponsor and in counseling, to accept this. It was not easy to accept that a person who loved me would not have my best interest at heart and would not want to live what, in my opinion, was a good and meaningful life.

I knew there was more to my LO than what he was in addiction - but I am not meant to be anyone's savior.

Remember, in addition to face to face we have meetings here!
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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