Relapse in my home

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Blue Sky
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Joined: Mon Sep 21, 2015 5:21 pm

Relapse in my home

Post by Blue Sky » Thu Nov 30, 2017 7:27 pm

My AS moved back home and seemed he was doing well. He started falling asleep in that weird way where one minute he's awake and the next minute I can't wake him up. He kept making excuses saying it was the methadone he was taking for maintenance. Then I caught him with wine. I was hoping he would go back into treatment and I told him if he didn't go he had to make huge changes, like going to meetings, getting a sponsor and helping around the house. He hasn't done it. I take care of his 10 month old every weekend and a few nights a week. He lost his mind this morning when I took her with me when I was leaving to bring her to her other grandmother's house. This grandmother has temporary custody. When I got home today with the baby he pulled out of the driveway. I know he's not being accountable and blaming me. I'm praying he doesn't try to get custody and I want him to step up and take responsibility. I also know I've been detaching over the years and getting so tired of the lies. I believe nothing he says even though a part of me really wants to. He's still living at the house. The big blow up over the drinking happened 4 days ago. At work I'm faking being focused and I'm back in the distracted place I was years ago when he lived with us. Thanks for listening. I could probably go on and on. Peace and love.

Posts: 2439
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:10 pm
Location: SF Bay Area, CA

Re: Relapse in my home

Post by MarieW » Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:22 pm

I told him if he didn't go he had to make huge changes, like going to meetings, getting a sponsor and helping around the house. He hasn't done it.
I have never had very much success with making my adult children comply with rules or conditions. For one thing, what are the consequences of them not complying, besides asking them to leave my home? It's not like I can take away their phone or put them on restriction like I did when they were 14.

As I've learned more about setting boundaries, I learned the difference between a boundary and a condition. A condition is all about the other person's behavior. Boundaries are about me. My choices, my life, my behavior. They protect me financially, emotionally and physically. But they almost always require ME to change, not the other person.

I live with my non-addict, adult daughter. I will not live with my addicted, adult son. I do not tell my daughter how to live or what to do. If I ever feel that having her live with me is not healthy for me, I will ask her to leave. I know living with my son would be unhealthy for both of us.

It's OK to take care of myself first and let them take care of themselves.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

Posts: 209
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2015 9:47 am

Re: Relapse in my home

Post by Ma1954 » Fri Dec 01, 2017 2:33 pm

I thought my AS was staying clean. He lived with me and my husband. I took him to the Dr. every month took him for his meds. He paid no rent. Had food and clean clothes, etc. He got kicked out of his program and did a whole bunch of stuff which he got caught at. He has court today for one of them. My husband kicked him out in July for sleeping all day and not really working. I don't know what is going to happen to him. I have extended myself way too far. I need to stop helping him and help me. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Posts: 1295
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 1:17 pm
Location: Miami, Florida

Re: Relapse in my home

Post by linda.f » Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:23 am

When in active addiction they will manage it until they no longer
can manage it. It is what it is. Whether it's alcohol, weed or any other
substance, the disease of addiction is all about not being able to
manage their use. About three years ago when my son was doing
really great, working, saving money, doing so many responsible
things he decided it was ok for him to drink again. Well he managed
it for a while (about six months) until he couldn't manage it anymore.
As with any addict all it does is loosen them up to go back to their drug
of choice. But he had to learn the lesson and there was nothing I could
say or do except make him move out. It just got to the point where I could
not live with his behaviors anymore.

Keep taking care of you none of this is easy.


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