Feeling exhuasted

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Jade11
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Feeling exhuasted

Post by Jade11 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 11:43 am

I am trying to keep up but feeling mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted. My husband has been in recovery since September and I'm proud of him. He's busy working on his program, on himself, and the change is noticeable! But he's also very intense! He doesn't make the same demands he did while using. However he does have a lot of demands on my time. Every incident in his day he has so many thoughts. Those thoughts link to other thoughts and it goes on.
It's so confusing. I thank my HP my husband is in recovery. I'm also honored he feels safe enough with me to share. He's opening about emotions, trauma in his childhood, thoughts about his character. There are things I'm just now learning after 10 years of marriage.
On the other hand.... his sharing is overwhelming. It is near constant. He calls me during the day. He wants to talk as soon as he comes home, as soon as I get up in the morning. Even before my coffee which he knows better lol. He was waking me in the middle of the night to share. I explained to him I can't offer much at 3 am, so he stopped. He does go to meetings and outpatient and shares there (so he tells me). Yet he has so much more to say. He is also intense in his shows of affection.
Between the kids, my job, the bills, and poor sleep... I feel like I'm sleepwalking. I can't keep up with my RAH. I feel so guilty complaining now my husband is CLEAN... helping out.... being involved. I feel ungrateful especially when I remember the chaos and drama, the pain and lonely years of active drug use. Still I feel overwhelmed now his presence in our marriage and home has suddenly gone from 0 to 60 so fast. Maybe it's hard for me to let go of the way I've been doing things alone while he was "gone"... living with us but not really here. I used to tell him I Felt like a single mom through the years because I was on my own. I love him, I'm happy for him, I can't seem to share his excitement. Am I being selfish? Ungrateful? I don't know how to handle this...

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SDIN2T
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Re: Feeling exhuasted

Post by SDIN2T » Thu Nov 30, 2017 1:34 pm

I can't say if you are being selfish or ungrateful because that would be an opinion or judgment. What I can share is that addicts help addicts. When my wife was in recovery she shared with her group, but she didn't have a sponsor and it wasn't a 12 step program. I don't know if your husband is in a 12 step program, but if he is, there should be sponsors to help him with his recovery and what he wants to share with them and you.

Do you go to meetings? I've found a real F2F meeting is a great place to share what I'm feeling and it's a great supplement to the forum. I am grateful I have a phone list from my meetings that I can use when I want to talk to a real human that understands what I'm going through.

Yes, our behaviors need to change also because we've lived with addiction so long. We may forget how to function around our recovering loved one. Our 12 steps help with that. Are you working the steps?

Only you can decide if you are selfish or ungrateful. Maybe it's not a black and white decision, maybe there's some gray area that might help you. But I think to myself, Which do I prefer? Living with my spouse active in a addiction and all that goes along with it? Or do I prefer to live with my spouse in active recovery and all that goes along with it? You decide. I know what I'd choose.

:JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

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Jade11
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Re: Feeling exhuasted

Post by Jade11 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:55 pm

Thank you, your words gave me a lot to think about. The truth is I would choose living with my spouse in active recovery, every day of the week... no question! It's time I did some soul searching so I can open myself up to changing, too.

Ma1954
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Re: Feeling exhuasted

Post by Ma1954 » Thu Nov 30, 2017 6:52 pm

TYFS, I feel exhausted too! Hugs. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Confusedwife
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Re: Feeling exhuasted

Post by Confusedwife » Tue Dec 05, 2017 11:56 pm

I also feel exhausted. I feel like I need rehab for my emotions.
In addition to heroin, my husband hand multiple affairs. I can't seem to get past this betrayal. Yet I have kids and bills and debt to deal with. I'll take any suggestions. I feel sick and tired almost every day

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