I feel like I’m in a roadblock

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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ErinNs
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I feel like I’m in a roadblock

Post by ErinNs » Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:12 pm

He’s a week out of recovery and he’s relapsed. We have an 8 month old and I’ve told myself “the next time” meaning the next time a relapse occurs we’re leaving him. But yet here we are. I’m afraid to leave because it’ll be an excuse for him to keep using and I’m terrified I’ll get a call saying he’s over dosed and I’m not sure how I’ll explain how our babies father is no longer living or if the wors case scenario doesn’t happen- when she starts questioning why her mommy and daddy are not together what would i tell her? I feel like I’m in a roadblock. And I’m not sure where to turn except to you guys! Thank you.

ErinNs
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Re: I feel like I’m in a roadblock

Post by ErinNs » Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:13 pm

He’s a week out of inpatient recovery, sorry for that miscommunication.

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STACY0476
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Re: I feel like I’m in a roadblock

Post by STACY0476 » Mon Nov 27, 2017 10:30 pm

Same situation here. My daughter is 2 weeks out of in patient treatment and has relapsed. Truth is, I think she relapsed the second she got out. Her and her 1 year old daughter are living with us . My husband and I are at a complete loss as what to do. We confronted her last night. She admitted to relapsing and gave me her car keys. I made arrangements for my granddaughter to stay with my daughter's dad and step mom for several days. So we are 24 hours out since she last used Heroin and she is beginning to freak out. Begging for her keys...... I completely understand the "roadblock" and I pray that you get the answers you need. Stay strong!!!

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SDIN2T
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Re: I feel like I’m in a roadblock

Post by SDIN2T » Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:11 pm

Hi Erin - Welcome to the Forum.

I know how you feel. There's a saying here that change happens when the pain and fear of leaving is less than the pain and fear of staying. I've also learned that what we do or don't do has no affect on the addict. They will use for any reason or no reason and it is not dependent whether you stay or go. Same for an OD, an addict can OD anywhere at any time regardless of what you do or don't do. For me this is a lesson in our powerlessness over addiction and that we have no control to change an addict. We only have the illusion of control.

Your story reminds me of when my daughter moved back into my house with her 2 kids 4 and 2 years old. She always knew my 2 oldest sons (her brothers) and my wife (her mother) were all addicts. But she didn't realize how deep they were into their addiction. After a few months she had to move out to avoid her kids being around addiction and the possibility of someone ODing in front of her kids. I was sad to have her go, but I understood her priorities of protecting her kids from addiction.

Only you can decide what to do. Only you can decide what's best for your child. When I'm faced with things like this I ask myself, "What if this is as good as it gets?"

:JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

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belkar1
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Re: I feel like I’m in a roadblock

Post by belkar1 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 12:06 pm

WELCOME TO THE FORUM

I wish I had the magic answer but I do not. We share our experiences, hope, strength through this journey.

My AS who is now 37 has two children. One he is in her life on and off the other no contact at all. From my experience, I can share NOTHING. We have done as a family, has worked. My son has been to many rehabs, and continues his pattern.

Addiction is a progressive disease, it gets worse as time goes by. If you choose a different life for your self and child, doing that will NOT make him relapse. That will not, make him stop using.

You have NO CONTROL over an addict. I have found the change I was looking for in my son had to begin with ME. I worked hard to change the only thing I could, to live a healthier life.

I can encourage you to read, post, work your steps, get a sponsor. Find a F2F. Addicts help addicts, Families help families.

I have NO control over life and death, none of us do. What this program has given me is a different way to live, and thrive. Stay a while, nothing I have found changed in my life, until I made a choice to save ME.

Love
Belkar

hope1
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Re: I feel like I’m in a roadblock

Post by hope1 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 12:32 pm

Addicts will find an excuse to use no matter what you do, because that is what they do. It is the nature of the disease of addiction. I would encourage you to run not walk to a 12 step program for yourself to get the support that you need. I could not do it alone, most of us can't. I went beserk when my young daughter began to fall into the depth of the disease. I was horrifed and i literally tried to move heaven and earth, turned myself inside out and on and on and on until i literally could not function myself. I was solely focused on rescuing her and it did not work. Not one thing i said, any advice i gave, all the "help" did not stop it. She sought out recovery and began to work on herself only when i no longer was able to pick up/clean up the messes she left. She received the gift of desperation as did I and that is when we both began to make some changes. I loved her through it all even though some days i did not like her very much. However, my love did not save her/cure her. The only place she has got any recovery was through other like minded addicts in the rooms of the 12 step programs. Take care of you and your baby. It really is the best gift you can give all involved. He is going to do what he is going to do. What are you going to do? (((Hugs))))

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DianeB
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Re: I feel like I’m in a roadblock

Post by DianeB » Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:07 pm

Here is an eye opener for me.....

I am not the reason my son used or stopped.

How silly I felt when I realized that if I believed I was powerful enough to do
or say something that would make him use again or to make him use
more and more,

well then,

It follows that I would also be powerful enough to do or say something to
make him stop.

I could not do either. I was not that powerful to change another human being.

You are not the cause. You cannot stop it. You can only take care of and change
yourself. You also have a child to protect from the collateral damage of addiction.

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