A year ago

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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A year ago

Post by vscook » Sun Nov 26, 2017 2:02 pm

It was a year ago on Wednesday that my AD walked out of inpatient rehab. She had completed 7 days of detox and wanted to come home. Her counselor wanted me to talk her out of it, but I knew she had made up her mind to leave. I went out to pick her up. She was standing outside - freezing and smoking a cigarette. My heart went out to her, but I knew she had left too soon.

She came home, and I begged her to go to outpatient rehab. She started in early December, and she seemed to do really well for a few months. She went back to work in early March. But I started to get the feeling that she was using again. I went back into detective mode, searching her room and her car for proof that she was using.

Things finally came to a head on Mother's Day. I had taken her to the eye doctor to get new contacts, then I was going to take her to the outpatient clinic to get her medicine before going to brunch. When we arrived at the clinic, it was obvious that it was closed. If she had been going on a regular basis, she would have known that it was going to be closed that day. She walked around the building aimlessly looking for an open door.

Of course a fight ensued - that was the way I handled everything before Naranon. We argued, and I dropped her off at the house. I decided to go out by myself for Mother's Day. Feeling sorry for myself, I used it as an excuse to get drunk. I ended up getting a DUI (my fault) and I have been dealing with the consequences, including losing my license for two months.

The good news is that I used the DUI as a reason to get my own house in order. I started attending face to face meetings, and I found this forum shortly afterward. I have been attending meetings, reading, writing, praying, and working on the steps. Six months later, I can truly say I feel much better. I know that I did not cause my daughter's addiction, I can't control it, and I can't cure it.

I wish I could say that my daughter is working her own recovery, but she's not. That is her path. She has to live her own life and deal with the consequences. I have turned her over to her HP, and I pray that when she is ready she will take the steps necessary.

This is not a happily ever after story - I know addiction is a life-long disease. But JFT I have found peace, and I am okay with that.
Last edited by vscook on Tue Nov 28, 2017 9:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: A year ago

Post by hopefulNE » Sun Nov 26, 2017 2:39 pm

Honesty is not always easy. I respect your sharing and your work on your recovery.
We are all works in progress.
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

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Re: A year ago

Post by Ma1954 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 2:56 pm

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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Re: A year ago

Post by slm219 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 3:08 pm

TYFS Vicki.
This is a lifelong journey.....glad you are here with us.
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

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Re: A year ago

Post by hope1 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:06 pm

We are all imperfect human beings doing the best we can at the given time. Owning our truth and accepting responsibility for my actions is the best gift I can ever give to myself and my family. ((Hugs))

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