We are not their HP. We are not their savior

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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IsaJ26
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We are not their HP. We are not their savior

Post by IsaJ26 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 1:23 pm

Whoever or whatever your HP (God for me), you know that you look to Him/Her/Them for the things you need to help you as you journey through this life. When things are out of whack for you, you seek guidance to change, so that your life gets back to order. It's very easy, with our ALO's to step into this place of trying to save them. Granted, we want to do everything necessary to push them towards recovery. Nothing wrong with that thought and feelings. But I realized and continue to see, that I'm not their savior. I can only do what I receive from God, pass it along and leave the rest to Him. One passage says, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself". We have to love ourselves first before we can love others. I feel that's what this forum does, it teaches us to get healthy, so that we can deal with and truly love our loved ones. As we begin true change, we respond differently and that may have a greater impact on our loved one's. They have to have their own experience with their HP. One side note: as I walk daily, if I begin to do something that is not good for me (no matter how small), God loves me where I am, but He loves me enough to not leave me there. I want to be happy, healthy and whole and I rely on God daily for wisdom to walk this out. For me, true wisdom helps all involved.

Life2theFull
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Re: We are not their HP. We are not their savior

Post by Life2theFull » Sat Jan 06, 2018 6:45 pm

Thank you for your insight. For some reason I struggle with that. Knowung I can't save anyone and yet being fearful that if I respond a certain wsy I may change the outcome of their choices. I am exhausted as a result. In the end we have to give it to God. No one else knows whats best.

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grateful
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Re: We are not their HP. We are not their savior

Post by grateful » Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:34 am

Thank you for your share. What came to me upon reading it is the memory of me when I first separated from my XAH. For years I had blamed him for how I felt and the way I thought. But a few months after the relief of being separated from him physically, I noticed I was still feeling the same as I did when we were living together. That awareness helped me realize that all that I saw him doing or experienced him as doing was a projection of what I was doing, too, albeit differently to some degree. That's truly when things began to change for me. I recognized that I had been killing myself slowly with destructive thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I recognized how much I needed help to change my beliefs, my patterns and my miserable way of treating myself. If anyone needed saving, it was me. It took me about 9 years to have that awareness and acceptance of it. It has taken me 39 years to heal and to continue to heal from wounds that really started in childhood thanks to the hidden disease that damaged me and my entire family. Had it not been for my XAH, I don't know that I would have ever recognized what was true: I was hurting and had been hurting long before I married him. I needed help and I was willing to go to any lengths to get it. I learned that not only couldn't I be his higher power, I couldn't be mine either. I am grateful to my former spouse for helping me wake up to the ways I was hurting myself and opening me up to the truth that I needed help from a power greater than myself. I found that help and I experienced and am still experiencing the healing work of a power greater than little ole me.
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