Trying to be thankful...

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Blue Indigo
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Trying to be thankful...

Post by Blue Indigo » Sun Nov 26, 2017 9:41 am

Going into Thanksgiving week, I was very happy because I was finally getting a block of time off of work, would be with family, lots of fun and good food and loving kindness (insert Norman Rockwell paining here). The reality has been very different: my AD who is supposedly in recovery has been in full "act out" mode all week. She has clearly been buzzed over the last few days: slurred speech, vacant stare and weird interactions. Several screaming matches have occurred. As a result I have had very little rest and relaxation, much less fun. Unfortunately my 11 year-old grandson has experienced all this emotional insanity.

Today we are supposed to travel 2 hours away to another family dinner where I have to pretend everything is ok. Yesterday's BB quotation is resonating with me at the moment: "I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once." Today I will act AS IF. I'll survive and who knows, it may turn out to be a pleasant day--crazier things have happened. Much of how today turns out depends on my attitude, so I will foster a sense of gratitude, I will work HARD to remember my gratitude list and that today is a new day.
Thanks for listening.

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

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Re: Trying to be thankful...

Post by IsaJ26 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 10:05 am

I feel where you're coming from. As I posted in my "we have to recover also", it seems that when all is quiet, addiction rises it's head, to try to steal your joy. Even if you are enjoying a moment, there is always that gray cloud in your mind because you are thinking of your loved one. I'm really learning what it means to enjoy the moments and take it one day at a time. If you think about it, that's the way we should be anyway, but addiction makes the future look not so good. I have started trying to turn that around. The future for my ALO's may not look so good, unless they are really succeeding at recovery, but I'm trying to see my future as positive. All the things I've always enjoyed and more, I can still have those. I may have to step over and fight through some things (events of addiction), but I can still have my life. This is the only way I can stay balanced. It's not denying this other part of your life(your loved one's addiction), it's just freeing yourself from what "it" is trying to do to you and your life. We can't go down with it (addiction). It's already robbed us by affecting our loved one's very soul, we have to stop letting it rob us of anything else. Easier said than done, I know, but I'm angry (not at my loved ones,,) at addiction. When it rises it's head, I'm learning to recognize how it's trying to take me down and I say, "no, not today, I have life to live". When someone asks how things are going, I ask, "do you really want to know? or How much time have you got, lol, but usually I just say , "on my upward journey".

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Re: Trying to be thankful...

Post by flash » Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:20 am

What an ugly disease it is indeed.
Trying to rob us of good moments.
If we let it - the disease wins.
When we fight it we can become exhausted just from the fight.
Gratitude is also always a fall back for me (when I can remember it in a crisis - it is a gift).
I hope you had some peace and some fun.
Heart always here with all of you.
and love these words and reminder - tyfs: "When it rises it's head, I'm learning to recognize how it's trying to take me down and I say, "no, not today, I have life to live".
Love, Donna

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