AD & Baby

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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AD & Baby

Post by laura1957 » Sat Nov 25, 2017 9:37 am

My addicted daughter lives with me....but she leaves me with her baby several times a week without telling me she is off to visit her boyfriend. How can my daughter leave her baby!?!? The Department of Human Services is involved because she used H during her pregnancy.she has been clean for almost 5 months...periodic pee tests, weekly meeting with DHS, another counselor, NA mtgs, parenting mtgs and so on. DHS won't let her have the baby alone. So I am the Safety Person for the baby .I am tired of being conned and lied to, but I have the baby to consider...what do I do?

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Re: AD & Baby

Post by DeanW » Sat Nov 25, 2017 10:26 am

Welcome Laura.

I find discussing an issue with my daughter about her children to be a minefield. Way too much emotion surrounds this subject. I often involve another person to be with me. In your case, can the counselor she is seeing help? Your post indicates your daughter is doing the things required of her by DSS (huge) and is sober for 5 months - so it appears she is putting in effort. Boundaries are discussed here a lot and nothing is more important. God bless.

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Re: AD & Baby

Post by MarieW » Sat Nov 25, 2017 1:13 pm

Welcome to the Forum. Dealing with addiction is so much more complicated when there are children involved. Have you found a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area? Being with people who understand and can offer their experience, strength and hope has been a life saver for me.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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Re: AD & Baby

Post by hopefulNE » Sun Nov 26, 2017 2:59 pm

Welcome Laura,
My currently recovering AD also lives with us, with our 20 month old grandson who is the light of our life. She is also complying with drug court orders and doing ok, JFT. But during the past year+ she has multiply relapsed, and several times we have found ourselves the primary caregivers for our grandson, sometimes for a month+ at a time. (It is actually easier when she is completely away than when trying to help while she is here...she needs our help and support, but is so insecure about accepting it that it makes for a very tense situation sometimes.)
I know it is hard not to resent getting dumped on for babysitting with no notice etc., but we do it for the sake of our grandson whom we love dearly. We truly are the "safe people" for our grandchildren.
It is not easy, but we hang in there, and try to treasure every moment with our grandson. Our time together is a blessing both for us and for him.
We are hopeful that one day she will get her act together and be able to raise him on her own...and then we will miss his daily presence like crazy! We hope to always be a loving and supportive influence in his life.
I totally get where you are coming from, the journey is not always easy.
You are not alone,
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

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