Heavy Heart

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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NeoMom
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Heavy Heart

Post by NeoMom » Wed Nov 22, 2017 8:51 pm

My son was just recently charged and put in jail.
I knew it was only a matter of time until I received the collect call asking (more like pleading) to come to court tomorrow and sign for Bail.
In the past I would have gone to court, and posted bail. It was what I believed to be the right thing to do.
I feel differently today. This time I told him that I loved him, but I can not do this for him.
( I think we all know how that conversation ended).
I have also decided not to be present in court for his bail hearing (another difficult decision for me).
Even tho I know in my heart it is the right thing (for me) to do... I'm feeling very heavy hearted.

I am so grateful that I found this forum .. and so grateful for having such a caring sponsor who continually helps me through so much.

Knowing I am not alone helps.

Thank you for listening...

_/\_
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are" E.Gilbert

loveandrespect
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by loveandrespect » Wed Nov 22, 2017 9:26 pm

Hi Heavy Heart, I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing earlier this year. My AS's first offence. I made the decision not to post bail (pre court hearing) as he was suicidal and not coping with his life in general. I decided that at least I knew where he was, he was as safe as he could be in prison. He needed to understand that there are consequences for doing the wrong thing. He would not have access to drugs and would get clean (even if it was only temporary) I knew where he was and would not be stressing over what he was doing. Fortunately for me he did not get the option of being bailed, the judge denied bail. I later told him that I would not have posted bail, he agreed he needed to go there to get his thoughts and act together. Prison did have an impact on him, he came out knowing he never wanted to return there ever again. I only hope this lesson will remain with him for quite some time.

Reading everyone's stories have helped me. Keep reading and gain strength, support, love and wisdom and understand that you are not alone.
Sending hugs ..

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flash
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by flash » Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:22 pm

Sending prayers and hoping that your heart will feel a little lighter in the coming days.
Love, Donna

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Daughter of the King
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by Daughter of the King » Thu Nov 23, 2017 2:14 am

None of the right, hard decisions we have to make for ourselves and our loved ones are easy but I do
have to say, to see them in a healthy perspective, is what this program has done for me too. I will admit I still go through the process of grief( not pretty) with each hard decision and I do allow myself that process because I know it is healthy. It is not easy by a long shot but i do the best I can one day at a time. I have learned to be gentle, kind and patient with myself knowing I am doing the best I can at any given time.

I hear the growth in your program and I am trusting you will continue on for your health and your loved ones. You are not alone and I do understand!
Be brave and courageous! This path is not for cowards!

Dannie
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by Dannie » Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:52 am

I am so sorry to hear this. There are no words that make this any easier to accept. I have learned so much from this group over the past year that I have began to say no and do things differently also. Because of that, my AS admitted himself into rehab last month. I believe the new way I respond to things has helped him respond differently too and he knows he is in charge of his life. Best wishes to you and your son.

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endoftheroad
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by endoftheroad » Thu Nov 23, 2017 1:21 pm

Sending you hugs. This path can be brutal if we try to do it alone. But, you have found we are here for you!
I pray that all of our ALO's can find their walks on their own ;)
Be good to yourself! Feel blessed in all that you have and all that you can do today without the insanity of addiction around you!
This is the easier softer way.....

sadnugg
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by sadnugg » Thu Nov 23, 2017 3:51 pm

I remember being 19 years old with my brother on my doorstep asking me how I could force him to live on the street and even at that age I knew I had to do it and not allow him to stay with me any longer. I was pretty traumatized by it but still knew it was what I needed to do.
It's not the same as not bailing out your child but it's been a heartbreaking ride nonetheless.

It takes a lot of strength both to stop enabling and to reach out. Good for you.
Hugs

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DianeB
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by DianeB » Thu Nov 23, 2017 4:53 pm

There is little about my son's addiction, his actions and consequences
that has left me without a very heavy heart.

Doing the right thing for myself and for my son was almost always the hardest.

Ma1954
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by Ma1954 » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:07 am

TYFS...I am facing this same thing. My son is most likely going to jail for something he did. He has several warrants. Just recently my husband had open heart surgery, on return home from the hospital, there was a warrant taped to my front door. I couldn't sleep that night. I had to be at the hospital in the morning and now I had to deal with stopping sheriffs from coming to my door. I called the court and told them my ALO didn't live with me anymore. I still get his mail. I had to tell them his new address. I feel awful about that. He has so many problems both legal and health wise, I have been feeling he would be better off in jail. Maybe he would get enough food and some much needed health care and get off the meds he takes to get off the other stuff. And I also have the husband who hates the ALO and makes things worse (and the open heart surgery and other health issues) I feel like I shouldn't bail my son out if he goes to jail. I feel with you. Hugs, Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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hopefulNE
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by hopefulNE » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:30 am

I can relate to the heavy heart...but we never bailed my daughter out or hired a lawyer for her, and her legal troubles turned out to be a blessing because they landed her in "drug court" for which I am eternally grateful. Although it's been a bumpy road, it has helped her save herself.
Hopefully thing will unfold as they should.
Hang in there,
Pat
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

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NeoMom
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by NeoMom » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:44 pm

Thank you all for your support, shared experiences and wisdom....


_/\_
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are" E.Gilbert

cdnstepmom
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Re: Heavy Heart

Post by cdnstepmom » Fri Nov 24, 2017 2:31 pm

Thank you for sharing this. As I predict my husband and I will be getting a call sooner rather than later from my step-AS asking for bail or the like because he has been arrested. He has been able to side step the law so far, but that can only last for so long. The police know who he is and who his friends are. Thank you for sharing your strength.

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