New Roles that were never meant to be played

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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IsaJ26
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New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by IsaJ26 » Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:21 pm

Under ideal circumstances, you do all the normal things while raising kids to be responsible, self reliant, balanced, happy adults. Or you live your life with siblings, growing up to share good relationships with in your adulthood. When addiction hits, you find that the roles you had with your ALO's changes and the whole structure of the family changes. It interrupts your role as a parent, sister, etc. If you're a parent, you once again become a taxi, baby sitter, atm machine, lawyer, maid, counselor, doctor, bill payer, teacher, preacher...the list goes on. These are things that you did happily while they are growing up, but when they are grown and addicted and cannot or will not do these things for themselves, you become the shoulder that it all rests on.You become whatever your loved one is supposed to be. And we wonder why we lose ourselves and why we come in here in a mess. We were never meant to be in this situation and our loved one's were never supposed to be where they are, but they chose it. Addiction sneaks up on the addict and it sneaks up on the people that love them. We don't realize, at first, how destructive and devastating it is until we're deep in it. All that to say that while being on here, I've been looking at the person I know I am and the role that I should be playing in the lives of the people I love. I also know the personalities and roles of my ALO's (even though they are not displaying or not the people they were before). I'm striving to stop playing roles that addiction is trying to get me to play. It hasn't helped so far, so why should I think it will,,,ever. I love my family members, but I hate addiction. I won't feed addiction any longer.

DeanW
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by DeanW » Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:54 pm

Precisely the way I feel. We don't want to feed addiction and that is exactly the role we take on - not on purpose, it just simply happens. TYFS

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Knappster
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by Knappster » Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:56 pm

Great share! I think we can all relate, I know I can.

Joan

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hope4today
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by hope4today » Wed Nov 22, 2017 3:28 pm

Recovery in motion....tyfs!

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Matee
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by Matee » Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:48 pm

Very well stated. Thank you for your insight.
PEACE. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

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NeoMom
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by NeoMom » Thu Nov 23, 2017 10:15 pm

Great message...

I can relate and just recently experienced the feeling of just not wanting to put myself or energy into it.

Thank you for sharing...

_/\_
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are" E.Gilbert

Ma1954
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by Ma1954 » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:11 am

Really, Thank you for sharing! I needed your post tonight. Sue
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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hopefulNE
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by hopefulNE » Fri Nov 24, 2017 12:50 am

So true.
I found it hard to back off until I realized that all my "helping" (aka enabling) was doing more harm than good.
TYFS,
Patq
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

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whitedove
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by whitedove » Fri Nov 24, 2017 9:28 pm

IsaJ26 wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 2:21 pm
If you're a parent, you once again become a taxi, baby sitter, atm machine, lawyer, maid, counselor, doctor, bill payer, teacher, preacher...the list goes on. These are things that you did happily while they are growing up, but when they are grown and addicted and cannot or will not do these things for themselves, you become the shoulder that it all rests on.You become whatever your loved one is supposed to be. And we wonder why we lose ourselves and why we come in here in a mess.
Those words hit the nail on the head for me. I have been playing counselor, maid and taxi driver to my AS for the last 3 weeks running back and forth to a city an hour away, getting him to doctor's appointments, addiction counselling, getting forms signed etc....etc...etc....He is staying with us at the moment and tonight I finally blew up....it did him no good....it did me no good....tonight I am as mess...thank you for your post....I feel a little less alone

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endoftheroad
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Re: New Roles that were never meant to be played

Post by endoftheroad » Sat Nov 25, 2017 2:21 am

These quirks of "helping", enabling, pretending we can fix the mess are exactly what brings us to the peace of Naranon if we listen to the message.

Thank you of the reminder of why we all bond together to lift ourselves above the whirlwind of addiction.

I remind myself everyday that my addicted loved one is an adult and knows exactly how to help himself. My job is only to love him.

Today, I am taking care of myself! I know that the Divine has a higher purpose for me....to live and love and be all that I can be! ox Susan
This is the easier softer way.....

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