Divorce is Final

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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lovingwife64
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Divorce is Final

Post by lovingwife64 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:45 pm

Well it is done. I had given him chance after change to choose rehab and work on getting clean. He choose the opposite. Since I moved out he used more, let a girl who - well I'm not even sure if she was a dealer, a user, both or what, but he let her "stay" with him for a while. He was picked up at a drug house with her and now has pending possession charges. All this time, I worked my program and lived my life yet told him over and over I loved him and I would stand by him if he went to rehab to address the addiction. Even this morning before court he told me he didn't want the divorce. I looked at him and said, but your still choosing to not go to rehab and work on getting clean? He just looked at me and said nothing. I said I didn't think so and I walked into the court room.

I'm so so sad. He looked alone and sad. We talked a bit after and I truly believe he loved me and didn't want this. But I told him I couldn't control his life, I could only control mine and active using was not an option in my life. He just gave me a hug and asked if he could call me to have lunch sometime. I just stood there crying. I don't know why life is so unfair sometimes. I could have been with this man the rest of my life and be happy - of course, that was before the drugs.

I could have never got this far without nar-anon, and I don't think I would have had the courage to follow through without Nar-anon. I know its going to take time to get past the hurt of loss. But as sad as I am, I am also relieved to not have the same conversations over and over about his using. His life is truly in his hands now. All I can do is pray for him.

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jeanette
Posts: 1025
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 1:38 pm
Location: West Virginia
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Re: Divorce is Final

Post by jeanette » Tue Nov 21, 2017 3:28 pm

It is not a matter of love but of illness.

the nar-anon blue book
I offer you hugs, mojo, thoughts, and prayers -
when the dreams, hopes, and expectations die there is grief

however, where there is life and breath
there is hope

May you take the time to grieve and hurt
and yet know that you have made a decision for you
and know that happiness is meant for you
and can be achieved.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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Knappster
Posts: 159
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Re: Divorce is Final

Post by Knappster » Tue Nov 21, 2017 7:02 pm

You need to do what is right for you. Hugs to you. Stay strong.

Joan

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belkar1
Posts: 897
Joined: Wed Sep 12, 2012 1:11 pm
option_firstname: Carmen

Re: Divorce is Final

Post by belkar1 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 7:31 pm

When one door closes, a window will open in its time.

Grief and loss takes time, take care of you !!!!!!! work your program like a dog with a juicy bone. I can only offer you strength, hope, courage. It is not easy, however can be done.

Take care of your needs FIRST, be gentle and kind to your self. Life has a way of unfolding

Love
Belkar

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