Life after they are home from rehab

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Mernel
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Life after they are home from rehab

Post by Mernel » Mon Nov 20, 2017 10:09 pm

I have been in a relationship with my addict for almost 6 years now. We lived together and we're even engaged. He had been battling with prescription pain pills for at least 3 years. He has back problems and the I got cancer and that's when he seemed to start abusing them. Well a lot of dark times and problems he went to rehab. He came home for 2 days and now has been living with his mom and dad for almost 4 months. I am trying to understand and trying to be ok with what he is going through but I don't understand a lot of the behavior and lack of communication and just basic things that couple's do and the way couple's are with each other. I get frustrated and feel rejected and I go to al_anon meetings but I am really struggling with all of this and raising 2 teenagers. I work a lot and he does not. Just wonder some of the things that cause an addict to be a person who is unemotional to the ones that love him the most.
With Love

MarieW
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Re: Life after they are home from rehab

Post by MarieW » Mon Nov 20, 2017 10:51 pm

Welcome to the Forum. I don't know your partner, so I don't know why he is acting the way he is. If he is working a 12 step program, working through the steps should help him work through his issues.

What about you? You say you are going to meetings, but are you working the steps, ideally with a sponsor? I came to Nar-Anon because of my son, but after working this program for a while, I realized my bigger problem was my husband. He is also an addict (pain pills) and over the years our relation had deteriorated to the point that I had to leave. But until I had worked this program for a while, learned to accept reality and started making better choices, I felt trapped.

Keep posting and reading. Attend our on-line meetings. Dealing with addiction is too much for most of us to handle alone. The good news is, we don't have to!
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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Jade11
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Re: Life after they are home from rehab

Post by Jade11 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:22 pm

Hi, my husband is in recovery for two months. I've learned to give him space to work on his own program. Things are different than before and not always easier. His detachment does give me more time to focus on myself. We've been married 10 years and I spent most of it thinking or worrying about him. Now I am learning to think about myself. What do I like? How do I like to spend my free time? What things bring me joy? Also what are my needs and wants? It's exciting learning the answers and finding ways to fulfill them. :) Perhaps my husband is also enjoying a quiet journey of self discovery after many years. We are a couple, learning how to be individuals. Keep coming back!

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jeanette
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Re: Life after they are home from rehab

Post by jeanette » Tue Nov 21, 2017 7:54 am

One of the things my program taught me, was just because I loved someone -
it didn't mean they would love me back
especially it didn't mean they would love me the way I wanted them to

my program has taught me
that I need to love a person for who they are

I cannot change someone
even if they say they want me to help them change

my program has been my lifesaver
it has taught me to be a wonderful, strong woman of grace and dignity
who knows her worth
who treats people with loving-kindness and respect
and who insists that others treat me in the same manner

it takes work, time, openness and willingness
but the results are worth it!
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love
Jeanette

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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