"That's not fair!"

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 901
Joined: Wed Dec 03, 2014 9:47 am
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
option_firstname: Ronni

"That's not fair!"

Post by Ronni » Mon Nov 20, 2017 10:06 am

This may be rambling....I'm working through some things here. ESH would be appreciated! ;)

Countless times I've said, about my RAS, that it wasn't fair what was happening to him. Or there would be some consequence about something he did that I felt wasn't fair. Or in my own life something would happen and I'd feel offended because it just wasn't fair!

What do I mean by that exactly? What does fairness even mean? For me, it means that something, an action or situation is just or appropriate to the circumstances. Also, that people (me) are treated equally, without favoritism or discrimination.

There are times in my life where I've felt like I've done everything right, I've been good, I've toed the line, lived appropriately, and then something will happen that was ENTIRELY unfair, to my way of thinking! I was laid off when I was doing a really good job! Or someone rear ended me when I've never had an accident and always been a really good driver. Or my husband cheated on me when I was dedicated to our marriage and had always been faithful. So many situations in my life that I railed against because they were so unfair, because I felt life hadn't treated me appropriately or in a balanced way, or I didn't deserve what happened to me.

And yeah, when addiction entered my life, I felt like that was pretty damn unfair too! For me, for my family, and for my AS!

I always felt like if I lived a good life, if I was a good person, then good things should happen to me. If I followed the rules, I'd be rewarded. Life has continued to teach me that that just isn't the case.

While *I* can be fair and equitable in my own dealings with people, I have no say in how other people deal with me. While I would like the Golden Rule to apply to all things and all people, and I try really hard to treat others as I would want to be treated, not everyone else feels that way. And at the end of the day, it it isn't LIFE that is dishing out those unfair things, it's the people IN my life that do that...whether it's some unknown person on the road that rear ends me, a client who doesn't pay me for job well done, or the Universe who deems that I will get sick with some wretched illness when I've always been pro-active about my health.

Once again, I am reminded that I have zero control over anyone but myself. But once again I am ALSO reminded to not let my reaction to Life's unfairness be my response to it! I can choose how I respond, which includes turning those lemons into lemonade, finding something good in even the worst situation, choosing to be grateful even in the face of awful situations.

I can't control Life. I can't control injustice or inequity or imbalance or unfairness in anyone else. All I can control is me and how I respond to those things. It's very humbling.
My son's addiction is something that happened TO HIM. It is NOT something he did TO ME.

User avatar
Posts: 24
Joined: Fri Nov 17, 2017 9:49 pm

Re: "That's not fair!"

Post by IsaJ26 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 8:50 pm

Yeah, I think we have all had thoughts about life being unfair. It finally hit me one day after many situations had accumulated and I had that thought.."everybody just goes out and does anything they want and never thinks about how it affects others. They're just out living it up". Then I realized. I wouldn't trade places with them for anything. I would rather be the person that got rear-ended than be the one that hit another car and have my insurance go up. I'd much rather be committed to my husband than be the one that cheated. I'd rather play by the rules as much as I can than pay the consequences. I sleep better. I have more balance...and I sure wouldn't want to be addicted and live that night mare. As family members, we have it hard, but I wouldn't want to have to climb out of our loves hole. I don't know. I just had to start looking at it different.

User avatar
Posts: 2922
Joined: Tue Aug 25, 2009 3:04 pm
Location: Southwest Georgia
option_firstname: Diane

Re: "That's not fair!"

Post by DianeB » Mon Nov 20, 2017 9:02 pm

Life on life's terms.


Posts: 2437
Joined: Fri Aug 24, 2012 7:10 pm
Location: SF Bay Area, CA

Re: "That's not fair!"

Post by MarieW » Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:07 pm

I guess I've always realized that life was deeply unfair. Really bad things happen to really good people all the time. My personal philosophy is that my only purpose here on earth is to learn and grow, and I learn and grow the most when I face adversity. It's like the story of the butterfly. If you open up the cocoon and let her out, she will die. She needs to struggle to get strong enough to live her new life.

While I have experienced sadness, grief and fear, I feel blessed that I have never had to face adversity as bad as say those that lost loved ones in the recent Bay Area fires, or the Texas church shooting or war or famine. Having a son that is an addict is sad, but it is hardly the worst thing that could happen to me. So I try to be grateful for what I do have (just for today my son is clean), and know that whatever comes next I have my program tools and friends to help me get through it.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Midana6566 and 5 guests