All in the family

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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IsaJ26
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All in the family

Post by IsaJ26 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 10:25 pm

First time here. Found this site last night and wished to God I had found it years ago. Been dealing (or enduring) the affects of ALO's addictions for years. ALO started with alcohol then turned to drugs. Left her S with me and my parents to raise. He is like a S to me. She later had a D, that she kept with her, but couldn't seem to raise because of her addiction. The D got into every drug she could get and is now serving time (she had 2 children that are being raised by other family members). Now the before mention S is addicted. Never saw it coming. He has been living with me. He and his on again/off again girlfriend had two children. Now she has been discovered using also. The children have been given to her mother temporarily for their safety. My head is spinning just writing all of this and my life and the life of our whole family has been spinning for years. The devastation that it causes is unbelievable. Thankfully, after a horrendous weekend, where everything came to a head, I found this forum and made some decisions as well as other people. It hasn't solved anything, but theirs a spark of light.

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IsaJ26
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Re: All in the family

Post by IsaJ26 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:04 pm

I'm replying to my own post...lol. I guess after years of dealing with all of this mess. I got tired of talking about it. I read a lot of the experiences from others who have shared. They all have the common themes. Disbelief, frustration, anger, financial disaster,...the list goes on. My family's conversations were always about the mess that was going on with our loved ones. Finally, just being fed up, I started sounding an alarm every time we concentrated too much of our conversation and time on what kind of mess was happening that day. On the part of our ALO's, it was always the same as everyone else...manipulating, lying, stealing, trouble with the law,...the same as all of us are dealing with. The people in my life that are addicted, they lost their job, home, cars..more importantly, their children. They have nothing. Those of us around are just reeling from it all. Trying to love them, but that has no affect on them (seemingly). It's hard for us to enjoy a half-way normal life or something as simple as a good meal, knowing that our family members have nothing. It's very hard to cut them off, so to speak, but I have with one of them. I have sent a few letters to the one serving time. Just today, I told the other one that he had to find another place to live. I went to visit his kids at their GM house today and I could tell they were affected by this all...and my heart breaks. They don't understand...but then again...I don't understand

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endoftheroad
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Re: All in the family

Post by endoftheroad » Sat Nov 18, 2017 1:09 am

Welcome Isaj26. Great post.....you have the story of the insanity of addiction. Wow, I imagine you all have been reeling trying to love the ALO's and hoping it would make a difference. In the long run, I do think love makes a difference, but not in our time, I am afraid. Addiction takes the best of those that we love and leaves us with a shadow of who they were. They have to want recovery......I often wished I could love my son to recovery, but it has not worked as yet.

My addicted son brought me here. He is 28 and a perpetual heroin addict. And I grew up with severely alcoholic parents. All that being said, Naranon has been a god send. To find out I was not alone, to have tools to stay sane and the 12 Steps to teach me that I am powerless over addiction. And of course, to gain a spiritual connection. This is very unique to everyone who begins this program.

I am so glad you are here. Take a look at the site. Keep reading. Post to heal listen to learn. Try an online meeting. And if you can please try a face to face meeting with either Narnaon or Alanon. Pass the message to your loving family. And keep coming back. We are here for you!
This is the easier softer way.....

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IsaJ26
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Re: All in the family

Post by IsaJ26 » Sat Nov 18, 2017 8:06 am

Thank you for your response. Yes, it is a relief to know that we are not alone and to be able to talk about it to others who are also affected by addiction. I am very in touch with my spiritual side. All of this has actually brought me to a place in my journey with HP(God) where I do indeed know that it is in His hands to be able to get through to my loved ones. I wasn't an addict, but I needed God, I needed a connection with Someone higher than me. Some times, that is where I have had the biggest problems. God loves me unconditionally and wants me to do the same to others. It's hard to do that with someone who is addicted...or should I say, it's hard to know how to love them. I love them, but their addiction causes them to require things that I can't give or shouldn't give. I have prayed and continue to pray for them to have their "road to Damascus" moment...and I've realized, that I have very little to do with that moment (if any). The questions that I have and maybe someone can share their experience, addiction is a disease--I keep reminding myself of this, but isn't it a disease by choice? No one willingly chooses cancer, heart disease, etc, but people willingly choose to do drugs and then comes the all of the devastation to all who are around. That's where so much anger comes in. I hate seeing my loved ones in this place, but they chose it (at least to begin with) and now they can't seem to stop. They want the rest of us to just get over it (all the things they have done) and when we don't, they say we don't love them(I know this is manipulation and they do it well). This doesn't work on me anymore.Well, like everyone else, I could write forever because there are so many stories involved in my story. I'm so ready to write a new story. So, yes, I will keep coming back. I did gain a lot just from reading the few posts that I did and the responses.

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