Visit with Son in Jail Update

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by lbogie » Thu Nov 16, 2017 11:08 pm

Hi Everyone,

My Husband and I went to visit our Son in jail yesterday. It was a good visit, good to see our Son. We had not seen him in 18 months and he has been incarcerated since his arrest last November. He looked healthy and we had good conversation. We bought a vending machine card and treated him to some snacks. It was good to see him, hug him, sit and talk with him and we just visited our Son. It was good to laugh with him, it's been awhile! It was not as emotional as I had anticipated aka "expected" :roll: so, one day at a time.

I'm still learning every day and I recognized that I was calm, honest, loving, caring and direct. He asked for nothing and somehow we were talking about opportunities offered where he is located. "Someone"...... in the marriage asks way more questions than (his wife) lol shaking my head. Hubby went to the restroom and Son and I were chatting. I told him that our recoveries can't be intertwined but could be parallel. He said, oh I was hoping you could "help" me. I looked right in his eyes, told him that addicts help addicts, I can only love him. :) He said he doesn't know how. I said you will find out if you choose to. He is starting a 4 month program. Not sure what that means. I really did try not to ask too many questions.

But I did encourage him (I think????) and said that at least he is not dealing with the detox at this time. Everything happens for a reason, there really is no doubt in my mind/heart/soul. He is exactly where he is meant to be. He's a lot better off (his words) than he was a year ago. Just for today, we are trying to show our Son compassion and support without falling back into that ugly world of enabling. He was Grateful for our Visit.

Support vs Enabling, it's hard to decipher between the two. One woman I met at a f2f said what she will do for her Son is what she would do for any stranger on the street or anyone else. But she said she tries to stick to basic essentials. It's not camp, it's not college, it's not a resort and I feel that it's not supposed to be "cushy". One day at a time. We are treading lightly and letting things happen as they are meant to be. At least I think I'm trying. "Progress not Perfection"...

All I know is this program works, it's with me always, even when I'm not aware. I didn't feel any anxiety OR sadness. I felt a little bad for my Hubby but he handled it rather well. (at least from what I could tell). I am Grateful my Son is off the streets, just for today and is where he needs to be. I Pray to my HP (God to me) and Trust the Process. Whatever will be, will be.

I wanted to share my Experience, Strength and Hope.

Hugs, Lois
“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by vscook » Fri Nov 17, 2017 1:15 am

Thank you for sharing. There is a lot of strength in your post.
Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by Dannie » Fri Nov 17, 2017 2:45 am

I am so glad you shared. I have something similar with my AS being in a three month rehab now and we are now able to visit and have conversations and a few laughs. We hadn't seen him since the beginning of the year before now and he was on the street. It feels good for today doesn't it? I wish you all the best and I hope this is what your son needs to recover and get his life going in a happy and healthy direction. :)

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by jeanette » Fri Nov 17, 2017 8:40 am

Sounds like a wonderful visit! I know that I can "hit reply" and put so much meaning into every little word, gesture, inflection - or I can just say we had a good visit and believe.
Thoughts and Prayers, Peace and Love

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them FEEL. - Maya Angelou

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by endoftheroad » Fri Nov 17, 2017 12:53 pm

So glad to read this Lois.

I keep those special visits with my son close to my heart. Mine will invariably ask me to do something stupid. I love this program as it has given me a sense of humor about those questions from my son ;) And now, I just kind of give him a look :? :? and he laughs as if he were caught again......mine has much to learn yet and that is okay with me because I don't have to solve any of his problems anymore :)

I pray for your calm and release and that you can enjoy every moment of every day! ox Susan
This is the easier softer way.....

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by Matee » Fri Nov 17, 2017 2:35 pm

Thanks for sharing your experience. It’s such a gift when we and our ALO show as our true selves. A moment to hold onto and store in in our hearts.
PEACE. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by belkar1 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 3:30 pm

Thank You for the update !!!!!!

sending hugs & smiles


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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by Jade11 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 5:40 pm

Thank you for sharing this update. I'm so glad you had a nice visit with your son!
I am finding it really hard not to ask my AH questions! For so long I've been nosy (and overbearing) like that lol. Thanks for the reminder... for today I will bite my tongue and leave it to my HP. :)

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by flash » Fri Nov 17, 2017 6:35 pm

It seems to me that Loving kindness is what you showed.
For yourself, your son and hubby.
Your lessons and experiences are inspiring.
Love, Donna

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by Marianne » Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:31 pm


I am happy to hear you enjoyed your visit with your Son. Sounds like you used the tools of your program.

Keep working it One Day at a Time.

"Acceptance of what is does not mean liking it as it is." ~ Iyanla Van Zant

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by roadrunner » Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:10 pm

Love this: addicts help addicts. So glad it was a good visit. Paula

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by ktoews » Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:16 pm

Lois, I learned so much from you here with this post. I am so glad your visit was good for all and that all of your have love to share and experience and hold with you. This is a cherished feeling and well deserved for you. Thanks for sharing.

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by Heart2Dust » Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:41 pm

Like you said, at least you know where he is and off the cruel heartless streets.
Never give up. Give him to God , God can take care. Believe me I know.
Wally Doggie.
Keep the Faith. :D

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by NeoMom » Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:58 pm

Thank you for sharing....

"Embrace the glorious mess that you are" E.Gilbert

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Re: Visit with Son in Jail Update

Post by slm219 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 11:14 am

Hi Lois -
Thanks for sharing the glad things went well and better then you expected.
Big Hugs,
Even a small star shines in the darkness.

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