So Sad

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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whitedove
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So Sad

Post by whitedove » Wed Nov 15, 2017 11:53 pm

Its been a while since I posted last. I sometimes can't face addict. Today was a new low....maybe tomorrow even lower....how low does it go? We have been trying to get treatment for our 26 year old AS. He is in active addiction right now....have never seen it this bad. DOC Alcohol, coke and whatever sh*t he can get...He has lost his car....His bike was stolen....he has missed payments on his apartment.....Where is bottom???? Had him at the doc today, he could barely stay awake...as for coherent...that wasn't going to happen...have just discovered he has stolen from me....I can't believe it...I am enraged...I am sad...I just can't wrap my head around it.....I still don't believe it....Had an envelope of foreign cash in my home office...I have checked my desk 10 times thinking I misfiled it...I just don't believe he could do this....am I a fool???? WHO IS THIS PERSON....Its been 3 years since we knew about his addiction. I just don't see an end...Thanks for letting me vent...I am just sad....sad....sad

hope1
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Re: So Sad

Post by hope1 » Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:39 am

Hugs to you. I know was in disbelief many times when i discovered my daughter had stolen from us, her brother and her employer. Mortified really. I thought it would never end and I chased the disease around and around until i was crazy and at the brink of my own mental breakdown. Each and every new low brought her one step closer to wanting to reach out and get help. I was also given the gift of desperation to get help for me. My young daughter is now in recovery but it has been a rocky road with many bumps. I still feel very sad many days when i see all that this disease has taken from our family. I also have days where i am able to see the gifts as well. Never give up, where there is life there is hope.

Suejan
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Re: So Sad

Post by Suejan » Thu Nov 16, 2017 1:25 am

Im sorry, and I do understand.
My son stole from us many times, money, tools, jewelry, purses, tents, technology, you name it- if it could be pawned or sold or traded-it was stolen:)
I always go back to the statement that goes something like this, If I saw a crazy person on the street would I think I could reason with them? No of course not. So why would I expect reasonable behavior out of my AS? And why would I ever think that there would be any sense to either his words or behaviour when in active addiction? Many times I did expect this- who was the crazy one?
This program taught me that I needed to clearly understand that my AS was not capable of anything logical while using. And that helped me understand that no matter how personal it felt to me-it wasn't- not to him- because he did not see me or his actions clearly any longer.
My regret- that it took so long to understand this and that I did not protect myself and loved ones sooner:(

Dannie
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Re: So Sad

Post by Dannie » Thu Nov 16, 2017 2:58 am

I never saw an end either until I picked him up and physically made him go to rehab last year. He was there for 90 days and it didn't work when he got out unfortunately but that is when I told him he could not stay with me anymore. It took him one whole year to call and ask for a ride to rehab again. He was on the street and doing terribly. We missed all holidays with him last year. It was tough. But living our there somewhere that wasn't comfortable and just getting worse brought him back to rehab on his own this second time.

I hope there is an end and I hope this time works. Its been ten years and so very hard on all of us. All I know is that I can't let him live here and I try to love from a distance and I do go see him each Sunday in rehab. I love my AS and I will support only good behavior anymore. It doesn't work any other way.

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Meemaw
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Re: So Sad

Post by Meemaw » Thu Nov 16, 2017 12:02 pm

I am so sorry for your pain.

I can relate to your story. My AD has been using for 20 years off and on, she has stolen from her own children, iPads, gaming devices, bikes, what ever can be sold. i have finally reached MY bottom and gotten help for ME with this group, lots of reading and f2f meetings, they are teaching me to detach with love and that my AD actions are a symptom of her disease. My daughter loves her children very much and would never do anything to hurt them but the disease of addiction cares about no one but feeding itself. Keep coming back, it works if you work it💗

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SDIN2T
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Re: So Sad

Post by SDIN2T » Thu Nov 16, 2017 1:50 pm

Before I found my recovery I was focused on all 3 of my ALOs and always asked how they could live like they did. I definitely asked myself how can they not be at their bottom? It seems they kept sinking lower and lower; I couldn't understand it. I prayed to my HP for them to find their bottom and quit doing drugs. But it was all wasted time.

Once I accepted my ALOs for who they were and the choices they made, I didn't wait or pray for them anymore to hit their bottom, but I realized I was at my rock bottom. I was actually sicker than they were because I was addicted to my addicts. In my depths of my despair I finally understood I could only climb out by accepting and practicing Naranon and it's principals. It's worked so far and I don't want to be back in that dark place.

I have faith that my HP is with me, and that all of my addicts have their own HP to guide them. I pray that my addicts' HP can provide opportunities for them to maybe one day seek recovery. Until then, I continue to accept my powerlessness to make them change and my inability to understand and make sense of what they do.

JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

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flash
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Re: So Sad

Post by flash » Sat Nov 18, 2017 9:38 am

This is a very sad disease.
I also have worked with sick children with terminal diseases.
Very sad.
I often wonder how do their parents deal with that.
I'm sure they look up and ask why?
Why is there so much suffering.
I have looked up and asked a HP that I didn't recognize or accept at all -why?
I never got an answer
What I finally got after working this program and starting over and over and over on step one was some semblance of peace and comfort for me.
Even in the chaos I found a tiny piece of comfort and hope.
Then it would slip away. Work on it again and again.
I always took my son's relapses personally - I worked so hard to get him in treatment or this or that.
Until I accepted that this was a disease that I was completely powerless over and that my son didn't want this disease of addiction any more than I wanted it for him, was I able to stop taking it personally.
Steal, lie, hurt himself and others, hard not to take it personally, but it wasn't him. It was the norm for an addict.
I hope the support of others around you that understand the sadness helps.
Love, Donna

linda.f
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Re: So Sad

Post by linda.f » Sat Nov 18, 2017 10:38 am

Yes it is sad.

The pain of watching them do the same things over and over again was mind
boggling. Yet it went on for years and years. Thank God for this program.
As it gave me hope for me and for him. It gave me tools. I did not feel
judged and I just kept trying to make my life better. Really that's all you
can do, better to do it with support than without it.

The misery continued for both of us until we both let go of the end of the rope.
The tug of war was going to continue until one of us stopped and since he was so
sick it wasn't going to be him.

When he finally skidded into his last program (one of many) he did so with a surrender.
He had to spend the night in the parking lot of a not so glamorous rehab and then wait
the whole next day to see if they would take him. Not an easy thing when you are detoxing.

I can tell you I was so sick and tired of it all. However, I still stood by my offer of taking him
to a detox or rehab as long as he set it up. Of course addiction being what it is, it never goes
the way we plan especially when we want it so bad. He drove himself up there, yep high
as a kite and then gave them his keys voluntarily.

As far as theft goes, it's part of the disease. As long as there is opportunity and a victim
there will be stealing.

Stay close, we are here for you.
Live-love-laugh

Linda.f

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