Am I doing the right thing?

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Meemaw
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Location: Slidell, Louisiana
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Am I doing the right thing?

Post by Meemaw » Mon Nov 13, 2017 6:56 pm

My AD is in full blown addiction right now and I have told her I will not help her in any way, not rent, not gas, not cigarettes etc.. She had been on (edited, non-12 step treatment program) for a few years and doing pretty well or than a few relapses with some other drugs here and there but lately she has found meth (smoking and shooting) and is totally out of it. Well, her doctors visit is tomorrow and she wants to borrow (lol) the money for the appt which is 240.00 (the money is not an issue). I told her I love her very much but I won't be a part of her death any more, if she needs help to get in to recovery then I will be there for her but other than that nothing. Now of course I am second guessing my self, will not having her (edited, non-12 step treatment program) push her further down the hole, will she die from the withdrawal? I just don't know what to do anymore.

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jac
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Re: Am I doing the right thing?

Post by jac » Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:43 pm

The only experience I can share with you is the more I did for my son, the less
he did for himself. Nothing I ever did to try to save him worked. Not until he
was really ready to get well, did he make the move to help himself. This is really
hard stuff and there are no right or wrong answers. I "helped" my son until I got
the message loud and clear that it wasn't working.

You are in the right place. Keep reading, keep posting and may I suggest you try
a Nar-Anon meeting. It saved my sanity. I have never felt alone since the day I
walked into my first meeting almost 10 years ago.

With love,
jac
"You don’t think your way into a new kind of living. You live your way into a new kind of thinking." - Henri Nouwen

MarieW
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Re: Am I doing the right thing?

Post by MarieW » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:05 pm

Consistent with Forum guidelines, we do not discuss alternative treatment programs (including prescribed prescription alternatives) that are not 12 Step.

The question of when or if to help my son financially is always tough for me, especially when he is in the early stages of recovery. I do know that when he is working hard on his recovery, he asks me for very little. When he starts asking more often, it often means a relapse is near (or has already happened). But I do want to be able to support his recovery in healthy ways.

Bottom line for me, can I afford to help and can I give with no strings attached and with no resentment or expectations? If I feel even a twinge of resentment, I say "NO". Do you have a sponsor? I find talking it over with someone else is one of the best way to work things out.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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Meemaw
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Joined: Sun Oct 22, 2017 1:58 pm
Location: Slidell, Louisiana
option_firstname: Lisa

Re: Am I doing the right thing?

Post by Meemaw » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:28 pm

I am so sorry , I guess I didn’t understand the guidelines.
No, I am very new and have no sponsor. I have been to a couple of f2f, I am just trying to learn.

DeanW
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Re: Am I doing the right thing?

Post by DeanW » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:35 pm

The only hard and fast rule I personally have about money. If I want to participate in some kind of situation that I think is reasonable to do - I pay directly to the provider. When my girl was actively abusing drugs she would occasionally decide she didn't want to go to the Dr. (or whatever it was) once I indicated I would pay provider directly.

I wish I could tell you if you're doing the right thing. I remember asking that question many times. Actually, just today - I almost posted a question similar...

Claytonmomof2
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Re: Am I doing the right thing?

Post by Claytonmomof2 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:27 am

I've found that the idea of boundaries sounds great, but once I try to implement them I feel in constant limbo of whether or not I'm doing the right thing. And when I teeter-totter with my boundaries, my AH knows that I'm not serious. Because of the addiction part in him, he knows how to manipulate and get what he wants and weasel his way by. Implementing the boundaries is a struggle for me, but I'm trying to stay strong this time and not give in. Hopefully it'll send a statement louder than my previous attempts.

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