A Newbie Story

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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A Newbie Story

Post by bighog2040 » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:25 pm

Hi there,
Newbie here that has finally reached a breaking point. I'm 34 years old and I have addict parents. I'm an only child and I'm all they really have so I'm completely lost right now.

A backstory is both parents were known partiers growing up. Alcohol, recreational drug use: marijuana, cocaine, and I've learned heroin was also tried. They have been together 35 years but it is a toxic relationship where at times has been physical, most recently 2 weeks ago. Both are on disability so they don't work. My mom won't leave my dad and get help for this very reason. They are co-dependent on each other.

My dad still drinks while my mom doesn't. However, both deal with bouts of depression, anxiety and pain management so they abuse highly addictive prescription drugs. If they come up short at the end of the month, they have been known to go out on the streets to get it. Both do it to numb themselves for whatever reason they can think of that day. As I said they are both on disability, so they have no responsibilities, or any hobbies. They sit around all day and medicate in their apartment. As motivator to get on them back on their feet and get clean, I gave them a car in hopes they would use it to come over to see their granddaughter. But it has been nothing but excuses as to why they won't usually its too cold, they are sick or tired, or just blow me off completely.
On the rare occasion they do come over, they fall asleep at the dinner table , talk with their eyes closed, and often are drooling at the mouth. Most recently they were so high at the grocery store, they were walking around eating all the food. Which they were arrested and had to pay a fine.

In way or another, drugs and alcohol have been around my whole life while growing up with them. I've tried to motivate them to get help, that its never too late but its in one ear and out the other. I'm at point where I don't know what to do. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally drained from all this. I have a wife and a 2 year old daughter to think about. I don't want her growing up seeing things like I did.

Thanks for reading

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Re: A Newbie Story

Post by janiemarie » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:57 pm

Welcome to our forum family bighog!
I'll share some good news with you
You have come to the right place to begin a journey towards peace despite what your addicts choose
We understand and all love an addict
Also You are not all they really have. They have themselves and are solely responsible for the consequences of their choices. You have the power to choose for yourself whether you want to be on the insane destructive path of addiction with them ... or not

Read, post
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Keep Coming Back!
“And this too, shall pass away.” How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!”
--- Abraham Lincoln

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Re: A Newbie Story

Post by SDIN2T » Mon Nov 13, 2017 3:42 pm

Hey BigHog, welcome to the forum. If you read as much as you can on this site, you will find people with similar stories. The recurring theme is we all have people in our lives that we love, but they are addicts.

I grew up with an alcoholic father, married an alcoholic, that turned into an addict, and my 2 oldest sons are addicts. Addition is a disease with a hereditary component that has no cure. The disease can be managed, but it's up to the addict to manage their sobriety. If they choose not to, there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

I came to this site 3 years ago (tomorrow) physically, mentally, and emotionally drained from trying to manage and control my addicts. After a lot of work I accepted that I am powerless over them and their addiction. It was only through the acceptance of powerlessness was I able to surrender my illusion of control I thought I had over my ALOs and turn the focus on my own recovery, which I do have control over.

You also have the same opportunity I had. You have control over your life and what you do for parents and your immediate family. We don't offer advice on the forum so I can't say giving your parents a car they drive when stoned is helpful, or exposing your daughter to their behavior is good or bad. Only you can decide what's best.

Keep coming back

And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

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Re: A Newbie Story

Post by bighog2040 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 3:14 pm

Thanks for your responses.

I'm in such a predicament. My Mother has admitted she needs help but my dad is so controlling he won't let her check in to a rehab. She is also worried she won't have any place to go if she leaves his abusive ways since her disability check doesn't provide much income for her to get her own place. She was telling me today she'd rather be high and have a place to live than be clean and homeless.

I don't know what to do. I'm just lost. Both need help

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