With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Post by Naiswife » Mon Nov 13, 2017 11:24 am

I am so glad I found this forum. I don't know all of the abbreviations yet, but I will share a bit of my story. I found out a little over a year ago that my husband was using. It has been the worst year of our lives, longer really, now that I know what was so wrong. He made decisions during this time that the man I married would never have done. He is currently in recovery in an inpatient rehab facility. The changes in him since then have been amazing. But I find myself struggling. I have a lot of my own healing to do. I wanted to take this time while he is away, to focus on me. But I find myself faced with the dire financial situation this has left us in. I was always a stay at home mom, and when all this came to light, I knew I had to get back to work, incase he lost his job, and well because he was using all our money for his habit. I found an amazing job, but the stress level of this job is more than I can handle at the moment. I have been off on stress leave since September. I have until the end of November. In the meantime I have been looking for something a little less stressful. But I find myself turning away jobs, simply because I want this time on my own to re group? I don't want him coming home to have all the financial pressure on his shoulders, but I need this time to recover. He assures me that we will figure it out, but I want to create the least stressful environment at home when he comes home.
I just needed to get this out to a group of people who may have felt like this at one time.
Thanks for listening.

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Re: Newbie

Post by lbogie » Mon Nov 13, 2017 12:07 pm

Welcome! So glad you are here.
Here are a few of the things I have learned along the way to MY recovery:
- No matter how hard I tried, how much I did or didn't do, how much I tried to rescue my ALOs (Son/s), nothing, absolutely nothing worked. "Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes, Let it Begin With Me"
- 3 C's I didn't Cause it, Can't Cure it and Can't Control them. BUT I did learn how I contributed to the chaos. The only person I can change is ME, my actions, my reactions, behaviors etc.....
- I MUST bring the focus back to ME and MY recovery. The tools I've picked up and continue to pick up help me in all my life's affairs.
- None of this is "easy" but together we can
- I am never alone
- I have Faith and Trust in the Process (most days), letting things unfold as they will
- When I try to take the reins back by controlling things out of my control, my life starts to become unmanageable.
This doesn't mean I don't love my ALOs, I needed to learn to love myself. Without taking care of ourselves, there is nothing we can offer to anyone else
- Enabling vs "Helping" By nature, we want to help. I still struggle with this sometimes. I know I can't enable any longer
There are so many more valuable lessons I continue to learn. Mostly I keep coming back here for ME because I know I'm worth it and so are you. It works if we work it.
Keep coming back.
Hugs, Lois
“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

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Re: Newbie

Post by SDIN2T » Mon Nov 13, 2017 3:24 pm

Welcome to the forum.

I wish dealing with addiction was easy, but we know it's not. When my wife found a brief period of recovery, I wanted it to be as close to stress free as possible. But in my situation that wasn't reality in our lives. There are so many external influences causing stress and I could not control the real life situations my wife had to deal with. While in a rehab, it was a bubble protecting her. Once out, life happens.

I also understand the stress we face trying to get our lives back from loving an addict. I wish I could quit my job and focus only on myself. My job is super stressful dealing with work efforts and deliverables in the US, Canada and Asia. I can't quit my job because I'm the only one working in our family and I still have 2 kids in college along with everything else life throws at me financially.

But, I wouldn't be able to balance my recovery, work, and everything else without the program of Naranon. The program gives us tools and skills that apply to all aspects in our lives. It's exactly what I need to keep my sanity.

Keep coming back

And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

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