New Lows

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

Moderator: Moderators

Post Reply
Posts: 57
Joined: Sun May 08, 2016 5:33 pm

New Lows

Post by cdnstepmom » Mon Nov 13, 2017 8:55 am

Anyone who has read my previous posts will read that my 18 yr old step-AS has been living with my mother-in-law for the past 3+months. She had let him stay with her as he did not have a place to stay at the time. This living arrangement became more and more precarious as the months went by. Although my mother-in-law, with the best of intentions, thought she was helping him (lending him money, buying his cigarettes, footing the bill for groceries, allowing him to do his drugs on her balcony, etc...), unfortunately he took advantage of her good heart and started to become abusive (not physically - that we know of) towards her. Actually, scratch that. He did leave a bruise on her wrist when she went to slap his leg. He grabbed her wrist and left a bruise.

He tends to take over wherever he stays. She has a small one bedroom apartment. When he would come home in the evenings after being out doing whatever he does all day, he would kick her out of her living room stating that he needed time on his own. She would then move to her bedroom and he would have the run of the apartment. He ate all of her food and would never contribute in any way (she lives off government pension which is not very much). He would make a mess and not clean up after himself (my mother-in-law has mobility issues). He began to recently smoke in her bathroom (it is a non-smoking building and she also suffers from COPD) and would laugh at her when she became upset with him. He came home one evening and proceeded to take all of the clean dishes out of the drainer and putting them back in the sink complaining that she had not cleaned well enough. But did he bother to clean them himself? He left them in the sink.

Two nights ago was her breaking point (finally). They got into an argument and he had one of his rages. He began to yell and scream at her and she told him to leave or else. He did leave - thankfully and stayed out for the night. She called us the next morning (yesterday) stating that she wants all of his stuff out of her apartment and doesn't want him back. My husband and I went to her place to pack up his belongings and take it all with us so that he would not have an excuse to go back. We texted him (he would not answer his calls) to let him know that he is no longer welcome at his grandmothers and to stay away otherwise the police will be called.

He, of course, tried to play the "i have no where to go" card on his dad. Who stuck up to him and told him "Son I love you, but enough is enough. You will not treat my mother so disrespectfully any longer. All she did was try to help you and you @%&* on her." We called his mother to let her know only to find out that he had stayed at her home overnight and that he never mentioned anything about the blow-out. She became anxious and worried about him asking what "we" were going to do for him. Well, let me think about that one....nothing. She did not ask how my mother-in-law was doing or if she was ok. She even texted me to see if I knew where he would be staying last night. Texted back that I had no idea and that I had no doubts he is doing just fine wherever he is.

The free hand outs are over. His grandmother was his last tie to living high off the hog. To treat his own grandmother with such disrespect and disregard (I know, it's typical addict behaviour, they only think of themselves) is pretty low. And to have left a bruise on her and to smoke in her home knowing that it is major detriment to her health....just terrible. And still his grandmother, god lover her, is worried about him because winter is coming. It's cold at night now. To which I replied, then that gives him incentive to find a place to live.

Thank you for listening. I fear we are in for a bit of haul with him this week - if past behaviour dictates.

User avatar
Posts: 733
Joined: Sat Nov 15, 2014 1:13 pm
Location: Desert SW
option_firstname: JR

Re: New Lows

Post by SDIN2T » Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:51 am

So much wisdom in your post and a great example of how to practice our program. None of this is easy when we have to deal with the addiction that over takes our loved ones. Your words are a living example of the Serenity Prayer.

Peace, strength and hugs to you and your family.

And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

Posts: 1586
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2012 10:58 am

Re: New Lows

Post by DeanW » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:18 pm

What a journey - all the twists and turns of active addiction is hard to get your mind around. I know your MIL is torn just like many of us - wanting to help but not quite getting that the help we can offer - usually doesn't.

Like everyone in active addiction, bridges are burned until choices are very few....and sometimes they reach for sobriety. God bless.

Posts: 82
Joined: Sun May 17, 2015 11:53 pm
Location: BC Canada
option_firstname: Susan

Re: New Lows

Post by Suejan » Tue Nov 14, 2017 1:09 am

Im so sorry for your MIL but I am so glad she had enough, asked for help, and you (both) gave it to her. I have responded to you before about this, my parents, the grandparents, were hurt in many ways too. We all lived on an acreage together and my son was as close to them as us.
I got to a point in my sons addiction that I was actually wanted everything to blow up and come to a head- because for me thats where I found my strength to say enough was enough- and you are on your own. You want good help, we are here, otherwise don't contact any of us. From that point change started.
As of today, my son is (knocking on wood) 26 weeks into a 104 week (2 year plus) program. last time I saw him (first and last) was wonderful!
But if nothing had changed- nothing would have changed. I am grateful for the drastic events that propelled us all forward:)
Maybe this is a start for your SIL- and your MIL certainly deserves her peace

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 6 guests