A new member looking for info

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Wolfekary
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A new member looking for info

Post by Wolfekary » Sun Nov 12, 2017 6:50 pm

First off, I want to apologize if this is not exactly the way to get this started, but I have to find some sort of start. I have been dating my boyfriend for the past about 10 and a half months. I I've been battling with a rough divorce, child included. When I first met my significant other I found that he was perfect. The kind of man that you only could ask for and a Fairy Tail. As time progressed I fell deeper and deeper into love with him. I found out about 3 months into our relationship he had an addiction problem. That being said he wanted help. We didn't begin the proper process in regards to helping him as we should have, and he relapsed two or three times. As an addict for 2 years, I believed that he would be able to fight this quickly. We are now 10 and a half months into our relationship. We have moved out of the county that his transgressions had happened. We also are now living on our own. I begin the process by hiding the money that we had, making sure that I was with him almost every moment of every day. And as he is in the na program, he had been clean for 94 days. Last night, and as I said before we have become slightly laxidasical believing that he was okay, something triggered in him and he took $200 out of my wallet. After a confrontation he drove off. As I am writing this he is in a closed NA meeting that I have driven him to. I've looked on the website in regards to finding a meeting which I hope that starting Monday I will be able to find my own meetings to go to as he's going to his. I know that he truly is trying to fight this. I have no doubt in my mind that he is worth the fight, but I just need somebody else who has been through something like I have to reach back out to me. He has never attempted to put mine or my child's life into Danger, only financially has he made waves. This last time it was money that we honestly we're going to be using more so for savings, but the principal still lies. I am located in Florida, if anybody knows any links more specific to my area I would appreciate the information.

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lbogie
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Location: NE PA
option_firstname: Lois

Re: A new member looking for info

Post by lbogie » Sun Nov 12, 2017 7:47 pm

Welcome! You have definately come to the right place for YOU! Keep coming back for you. I've learned (although my ALO - addicted loved one) is my Child/ren and not a spouse or sig. other, none of that matters. I've learned that I need this program for ME. I also wanted to with every fiber in my being, wanted to "fix" my Son/s. After alot of years, alot of money, alot of stress.......................nothing was working, except for the fact that I was getting just as sick as my Son. There was much to learn as I continued to "keep coming back for ME". I learned about addiction but most of all, I learned about myself and the contributions I made to keep the chaos going. I learned how to set boundaries for ME, not to punish but to protect me and my Husbands' lives, money, sanity.
I hope you will keep coming back. I often wish I would have found this Support, my "Family of Choice" much sooner in my life. My Serenity is my Priority.................it has to be.

fyi there are online meetings on here, in fact there is one tonight. Everyone is welcome. Sun., Mon., Wed. @ 8 est Just click on the online meeting link upper left of screen. It's where I come for my Recovery.

You're not alone............
(HUGS) Lois
“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”

― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

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LKSG8R
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Re: A new member looking for info

Post by LKSG8R » Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:08 pm

Hello and welcome!

You wrote that you try to spend every waking moment with your ALO in order to keep them from using. Nar-Anon has taught me that I cannot control my addicts' disease no matter how hard I try. When I finally accepted this concept I felt a huge relief. What a burden I was carrying. How much attention could I be paying myself if I spent all my time paying attention to the addict. And did my constant attention actually help my addict find recovery? Nope, not one bit.

The link below is a list of meetings in Florida. I attend face-to-face (f2f) meetings in Central Florida, and have found much wisdom and support in them.

http://naranonfl.org/meetings.html
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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TammyB
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option_firstname: Tammy

Re: A new member looking for info

Post by TammyB » Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:51 pm

I'm also a new member trying to not only find my way but to relinquish control, which I thought was fixing all problems. Yea now I know better, but it still is very difficult for me. My ALO is my son, whom I learned is an addictive about a year ago. He moved home last December, did 34 days in patient this past April only to relapse. Only recently has he been enrolled in a MAT program receiving daily methadone and weekly group. He isn't participating in any other aa, na or other programs nor does he have a sponsor. I still don't trust he is absolutely clean but I can only pray.

I still find myself trying to control him and the illness - how do people let go? I'm so afraid if I let go, he will relapse again or worse. What are some tools you grab that have worked for you? I'm feeling overwhelmed and my spouse really isn't handling this situation well.

Thanks for listening.

Wolfekary
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Joined: Sun Nov 12, 2017 6:42 pm
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Re: A new member looking for info

Post by Wolfekary » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:06 am

Thank you so much for the info. Last night's online meeting helped A lot. It was the first step into my own recovery. After the meeting I told my addict that I had joined an onli e meeting and he was really happy for me. He knows the road for me has been hard in regards to him and he wants me to be able to heal as he is. I have to just take one day at a time. <3

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