Just sick of it all!

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Meemaw
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Location: Slidell, Louisiana
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Just sick of it all!

Post by Meemaw » Sun Nov 12, 2017 12:55 am

My AD has yet again moved another guy into her home, this is probably the 4th person since September 1st when her and my granddaughters father split up. My poor 13yo grandson only comes to visit her every second weekend ( lives with his dad due to an episode with his mother using meth) and this weekend there is another new person in his mothers home. In the past 6 months or so he has lost any little trust and respect he had left for her, it just breaks my heart for him, he doesn't really understand addiction. Tonight he told me he loves her but he doesn't like her anymore and doesn't really want to be around her, I don't blame him I don't want to be around her either. She has been using meth on and off for a little over a year but when her and my granddaughters dad split up she has gone wild, having drug users and other addicts in and out of her home. She can't even give my grandson two weekends a month of her life, I just want to cry. I have been taking care of my granddaughter 97% of the time since the split up because I don't want her there either, she's only 7 and I can see the changes in her as well. She tells me "I wish I lived with you meemaw", she never asks to talk to her mom or to go home. My heart is so broken. I am new to this program and am trying to learn to love my daughter the way she is (not enable her) but I am struggling because I am so angry at her. When my grandson called me tonight from her house and asked me to come and get him and then poured out his heart to me on the way to my house my first thought was to call her and scream "what the ---- are you thinking", look what you are doing to your kids! but then I stopped and thought would that change anything, NO it won't! So I just tried to comfort my grandson by telling him that I love him and he's mom does too but she is very sick right now and is doing the best she can, I don't know what else to tell him. I find my self so angry at her how can I work the steps with all this anger, I love my daughter very much but my grandchildren are my priority. πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”

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LKSG8R
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Re: Just sick of it all!

Post by LKSG8R » Sun Nov 12, 2017 6:34 am

Your grandchildren are very very lucky to have you in their life. At least someone is making them the priority. My grandmother was my safe haven growing up, and when I was with her I had a sense of self-worth. You are a true example of the serenity prayer: Changing what you can!!

Prayers for your continued strength,
Lisa
Trying to be the person my dog thinks I am.

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Ronni
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Re: Just sick of it all!

Post by Ronni » Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:12 am

I went through similar with my AS and his two children. He's been clean for 3 years now, jft, though his ex, who has primary custody, still uses on occasion.

I tried for a long time to foster a decent relationship between the kids and their Dad because I knew how much he loved them and how much they loved him, but it got to the point where he was using so heavily that I realized (even though it about broke my heart) that having those kids anywhere near myAS/their Dad was NOT in their best interests. It made me so angry at my AS, here were his two beautiful children who loved him and all they wanted was to be important to him. But the most important thing in his life remained his drug use, and by comparison they, and everyone else in his life, were very much immaterial.

Fast forward three years, and I am happy almost to the point of tears to see the renewed relationship between my son and his daughters, the fun, happy times they're having, how hard he's working to rebuild their trust in him, and what joy he gets from spending time with them and being around them. They are loving having their Dad back in their lives. None of that, NONE of it, I thought was EVER going to be possible again, because my son was in such bad shape from his addiction I was quite certain he was going to OD....I'd even planned his funeral.

I was so angry for such a long time. In spite of my anger (or because of it?) I threw myself into my program work. My anger finally disappeared only when I worked hard on Step 1. Finally realizing my powerlessness over my son helped me to overcome the anger. How could I be angry at someone for not doing the things I wanted him to do, when factually I had no control over him anyway? It was like being angry because I didn't win the lottery!

I hope you keep coming back, keep working your program, keep being their for those grandbabies. They, like mine, are the innocent victims of this wretched awful disease and being there for them is the best, kindest, most precious thing you can do for them.
My son's addiction is something that happened TO HIM. It is NOT something he did TO ME.

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Meemaw
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Location: Slidell, Louisiana
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Re: Just sick of it all!

Post by Meemaw » Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:19 am

Thank you both for your kind words, I pray that one day my daughter will be clean and sober for her children i just hope it is not too late. I know that she loves her children and that they love her but I'm afraid that at some point the damage will become irreversible.

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SDIN2T
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Re: Just sick of it all!

Post by SDIN2T » Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:29 am

I know laws and conditions vary from state to state. In my state CPS will NEVER allow a child to be with their parent if there's proof the parent is using drugs. In this case, if the parent forces the legal system to allow a visit, it must be supervised. My lawyer mentioned besides accidental or intention exposure to drugs that may cause physical harm, the possible emotional damage is too great for CPS to allow visits with strung out parents.

When I was faced with a somewhat similar situation with my own minor kids being around their addicted mother, I came to the conclusion the life of a child is too fragile to sit idle and think things will work out because I simply "wanted" it to.

I am not providing legal advice or opinion. I am simply sharing my experience.



:JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

DeanW
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Re: Just sick of it all!

Post by DeanW » Sun Nov 12, 2017 11:06 am

Well, the positive here is that your grandchildren can express themselves to you. They could be intimidated by the situation and unable to express themselves because of enmeshment. I love it that both children are expressing themselves as they are to you. That can only help in the future - My ESH is that everything changes. Keep the dialogue open. Parental addiction affects children in ways that we cannot imagine. It is a huge advantage for them if they can speak openly to you. God bless.

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