weed and my son

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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emzucker
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weed and my son

Post by emzucker » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:06 am

My 19 year old son I believe is addicted to marijuana. I know that there are theories that people say you cannot get addicted to marijuana but I really feel that he has. He works and goes to college full time (commutes)m gets good grades and is relatively responsible. However at night he goes out sometimes for an hour or two, sometimes less, at least a few times a week and I have caught him lying about where he is going. We believe that he is self medicating with marijuana. We know he smokes it sometimes but I feel like it has gotten more frequent. We do not allow it in our home. A week or so ago he told me that he wanted to take a break from it but that certainly did not last. I have tried to speak with him about it and he has admitted that he has used it before to help him to sleep. One issue is that he goes to therapy for anxiety and on and off depression. He was prescribed Zoloft before he left the university he attended freshman year but refused to take it for fear of the side effects, yet will smoke pot instead?? I am at a loss. I have been to one nar anon meeting in person a few weeks ago which I found helpful as a start. However, my schedule has not allowed me to return the past two weeks (one night was Halloween). I am trying to practice the steps and to not try to control him but I am fearful, especially if he is driving under the influence etc. That coupled with him lying/covering up where he is when I know he must be out doing it somewhere leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. Any advice?

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DianeB
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Re: weed and my son

Post by DianeB » Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:49 pm

The only advice I can give you is to find a Nar-Anon meeting. Check on the website nar-anon.org for one in your area.

Trying to stand in front of addiction is like standing in front of an F5 tornado. I tried....I almost lost me.

Understanding how powerless I am when trying to change another human being allowed me to take care of me.

If you can't find a meeting, come to the online meetings.

There are solutions for you.

emzucker
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Re: weed and my son

Post by emzucker » Fri Nov 10, 2017 4:41 pm

Thanks DianeB, I attended on the other week and am hoping to get back in the next week or two. It was helpful and I am realizing that I cannot control or change his behavior. That is something he has to do and I am willing to support him, if he will accept it. The issue is that of course he does not think that he has a problem. Whenever I attempt to discuss it with him, he turns the subject to others he knows who do "far worse things" such as heavy drugs, molly, etc. I am struggling but realize that this is not mine or my husband's fault. I have to learn to deal with how I myself react or try not to react to him or situations. My husband tends to try to just stay out of it. He is almost apathetic about it at this point. He was getting therapy himself for anxiety etc after surviving cancer and does not need this added stress so his way of dealing with it is mostly to avoid conflict.
I appreciate that advice and am hopeful to get to some online meetings here if I cannot make ones that are in person at times.
Thanks again.

MarieW
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Re: weed and my son

Post by MarieW » Sat Nov 11, 2017 6:51 pm

Welcome to the Forum. I don't know if your son is an addict or not. But I do know that I have the right to a serene, safe home, and so do you. Whether my son is using or not, he cannot live with me. At 24, he is an adult and house "rules" that were suitable when he was a minor just don't work any more. After working this program for awhile, I started to set up boundaries to protect myself emotionally and financially from his poor decisions. I didn't ask him to leave to punish him or make him change. I did it to create a healthy, happy living situation for me. And in the end, it was also much healthier for him.

I'm glad to hear that you attended a meeting. We also have on-line meetings here several times a week. Read the posts under "Announcements" for more information.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

emzucker
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Re: weed and my son

Post by emzucker » Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:25 pm

Thank you so much MarieW. I appreciate your advice and I agree. He is a full time college student right now and commutes and is a hard worker so at least he is pretty independent in that respect. I do feel that he is addicted to marijuana although many are of the mindset that you cannot get addicted to pot, which I disagree with. I am working on creating a healthy environment for myself and hoping that he either comes to terms with his issues or we will have to come up with some other living situation if warranted. Time will tell. I plan on trying to do some of the online meetings as well as attending in person. It is so helpful to hear from others and to be able to open up about this without being judged. Thank you and God bless.

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