Active Addiction sadness

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Active Addiction sadness

Post by belkar1 » Sat Nov 04, 2017 8:14 am

Hi Peeps,

Well AS is in jail, thank heaven. I know where he is, is he safe ? I do not know, but it has to be better than on the street. At the very least he has a place to sleep and food.

We believe it is for a few months, but who knows. Now starts the collect calls, begging for money. Well after so many years their is just none left. It is by the grace of heaven we squeak by. No is a complete answer, no explanation's required. I also dusted off my cheat sheets of answers from the last time. I am grateful I have them, thank you sponsor (my friend).

The procedure I had on my hip went well, I can walk !!!!!!! the pain is almost gone :D I am like a toddler learning how to walk again what a weird feeling. I have a new appreciation for my toddler, granddaughters joy in taking her first steps.

My hubby is looking at a very serious medical condition. We will find out in a week what he is up against. It is all consuming right now for him.
I must tell you I was really tempted to run through the house with my hair on fire. Really ? what good would that do ? Upset the love of my life, and cause me more pain.

So I sat down, opened my NA book and began to read. I found comfort, I found my joy. Many of the things in my life are not in my control. So what can I do ? change the one thing I can and that is ME.

I must have confidence and hope that the physicians that are caring for my hubby will be able to help him. I pray that he will be ok, and do the best I can to bring him comfort.

After 42yrs it is about a quiet understanding that we love each other. And gratitude that I have an amazing individual in my life JFT.

I can find the joy in the simple act of walking with my granddaughter, just focusing on simple short term goals.
I can share here with my family of choice knowing I am never alone.

As for my son he is right where he needs to be, a consequence to his action. He does not know about his dads condition, it came out of no where just bang !!!! my granddaughter does not know he is in jail again. Her hope was he may be home for Christmas. Not going to happen.

Today; I will focus on mini sort term goals, what works for me, and hubby. The rest will unfold


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Re: Active Addiction sadness

Post by simplemom » Sat Nov 04, 2017 9:41 am

Addict sadness...yep...and you sound like you are in a good place....letting life unfold.

When life throws me those curve balls, I take the time to breathe and assess what is in my control. I am usually powerless :shock: . :lol:

I hear your me this is the pinnacle of this program. To not let others rob me of my peace and come from a place of love, compassion, forgiveness and gratitude.

Happy for you that your procedure went well. Prayers that no matter what the outcome is with hubby that your HP will guide you to the best possible path. And for your son, may you continue to be strong and let him figure out what to do next. My experiences have taught me that there are endless possibilities in the 'unknown' and not to be feared.

Keep the Faith! I had a good chuckle envisioning me running around with hair on fire!! BTDT, it only reminds me to take the time to practice healthy behaviors and not let the unhealthy ones take over.


PS...."Things aren't always what they seem" ;)
Karen (simplemom)
"I am not afraid of storms, I am learning to sail my own ship."
Louise May Alcott

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Re: Active Addiction sadness

Post by wife1234 » Sat Nov 04, 2017 10:43 am

"I also dusted off my cheat sheets of answers from the last time." Could you share? Husband arrested last night when his mom pressed charges. Now I'm getting calls from both of them begging me to get him out. He says he wants to go straight back to the 65 day treatment facility he was in the early part of this year. Like you I barely squeak by. I don't have money to bail him out. And I'm now dealing with his mother (yes the one who called the cops on him in the first place) telling me I'm a bad wife/person for not bailing him out... I'm so done. I love him so much so it really hurts But I really don't have an option. And I know he's not getting cocaine/heroin/whatever else he can stick in his arm while in jail.

Back to my question though...would this cheat sheet apply to my situation?

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Re: Active Addiction sadness

Post by DianeB » Sat Nov 04, 2017 11:41 am

I used a "cheat" sheet for those times when I needed to have an answer and
couldn't think fast enough.

It was those answers that came to me after the fact, but never seemed to
be there when I was in the midst of the emotions.

They are things like:
  • No. I said it before, I will not say it again. If you persist, I will hang up.

    I'm sorry you feel that way.

    You have the right to your feelings (opinions), however I do not have those same feelings.

    Let me think about it. I am not comfortable with making a decision at this time. If you push me, the answer will be an automatic NO. Give me a day or two to think about it.

    I understand what you are saying, but the answer is still NO.

    If you continue to be abusive in your language, I will disconnect and block your number.

    While I can see you are upset, this is really not my problem.

    I am sorry you have gotten yourself in this situation, but I can not help you.,

    I have faith that you will figure this our on your own.

    You are a bright individual and I know you can handle this.
When pressed by my loved one, I could never come up with these responses.
However, writing them down and keeping them handy saved me more than once.

Say what you mean but don't say it mean.

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Re: Active Addiction sadness

Post by janiemarie » Sun Nov 05, 2017 5:21 am

Love love my cheat sheet!
It gets me thru many a difficult conversation!
You've got this!

I find when I trust and have faith that it is my HP's plan
Good or bad
When I can finally accept that it is my HP's will at work and not my own
I find it so much easier to place in His hands that which I cannot control.

Peace and Hugs to you my friend
“And this too, shall pass away.” How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!”
--- Abraham Lincoln

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Re: Active Addiction sadness

Post by flash » Mon Nov 06, 2017 7:54 pm

Finding joy in simple acts. Amen to that.
There is so much that is complicated in all our lives we sometimes have to remember to look for joy in the little things.
especially in little ones.
I also had cheat sheets for when my son kept calling me from rehabs or sober houses complaining or asking to come home.
TYFS - Prayers to your family
Love, Donna

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Re: Active Addiction sadness

Post by linda.f » Thu Nov 09, 2017 9:55 am

I hear some peace and contentment in your share.
Life on life's terms and your testimony shows us it can
be done.

Sending my prayers to you and your husband and hopeful
that your son will find his way.


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Re: Active Addiction sadness

Post by NeoMom » Fri Nov 24, 2017 8:10 pm

Great share.. thank you.

Wishing only the best for you and a good outcome for your hubby.

Love all the responses and especially the "cheat sheet"... As I know I will be needing that!

"Embrace the glorious mess that you are" E.Gilbert

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