Coping with homeless adult child on street

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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seansmom
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Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by seansmom » Sat Jan 28, 2017 1:43 pm

How many people reading this post have sons or daughters that are homeless people that you see walking down the street pushing a shopping cart with all their belongings. I feel sad when I see these people and think that they have parents that love them. My son has been homeless and is in rehab but could be back on the streets. Who knows. How do you cope? Everytime you see a homeless person do you think it might be your son or daughter because I have.

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Lauraleeg
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by Lauraleeg » Sat Jan 28, 2017 1:53 pm

Ohhh yeah. Every single homeless person is my kid. I always make sure I stop and chat with them, sometimes I buy them a meal. I acknowledge them. I know enabling blah blah--but honestly, I hope that someone would do that for my kid.
It allows me to practice compassion. It allows me to spread love.
There is no getting around it--its sad. The homeless problem is escalating now that the mental health facilities are being shut down.
It just is.

Hugs for you
Laura
Dwell in Possibility.

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SDIN2T
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by SDIN2T » Sat Jan 28, 2017 2:02 pm

My words may not matter because my ASs are not homeless on the street, but I have a family that are very good friends from over 20 years ago. Our kids all grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the same schools and we all hung out together. Their oldest and my oldest sons are addicts and their son is on the streets.

I ran into the parents at a F2F meeting after not seeing them for a long time, quite a surprise for both of us. The dad has seen his kid on the streets homeless sitting at a shopping complex holding a sign begging for money. It was devastating for him and considering he was a local cop just retired, I think it hurt him even more.

After talking to the couple for an hour after the meeting, they told me they did everything they could to get their kid to quit, and they finally hit their rock bottom. They kicked their son out and were working on detachment. The one thing that stuck with me was the dad saying that his son is homeless by choice.

:JR
And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life - JK Rowling

seansmom
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by seansmom » Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:12 pm

It is gut wrenching to see your kid on the street.

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DianeB
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by DianeB » Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:25 pm

My son spent many years couch surfing and several years on the street.
He lived in a car while he had one. I think most of us have dealt with
our loved one being homeless. It one of the consequences of addiction.

Sad fact.
Hugs....

with Love

DianeB



“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Charles Darwin

http://nar-anon.org

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NeoMom
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by NeoMom » Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:29 pm

When I see people that are homeless due to addictions, and or mental health issues, my heart goes out to them. I to think about their families, and how difficult it may be for them.

My son is not homeless, but he has very little to his name, and could easily find himself homeless if he doesn't make changes. I pray and hope that he will.
A lot of challenges ahead of him (If he choses), and I fear for all who struggle because our society does not support them as much as we may think.

My son has helped me become a more compassionate soul..and for that I am grateful.


_/\_
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are" E.Gilbert

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Cheryldel
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by Cheryldel » Sat Jan 28, 2017 6:19 pm

Yes..I absolutely always think that. It always broke my heart and I use to wonder what happened. They were someone's baby, husband, son, daughter, wife etc. Now my ? Is more or less answered. Drugs, alcoholism, metal illness..with free will to be as insane as they like. And families being forced to let go.
My son is currently living in his car. But soon he will probably be picked up and put back in jail..lose his car..again. All cause and effects of his actions and choices. He gets to do what he wants, except manipulate me and my life.
I'm heartbroken..I love him..but I can't control his choices.
I fear I will see him around. I will cry and grieve, but I will let it go and give him to his higher power. I have a higher power and a life of my own to live..I can no longer attach myself to any addict behavior. I have a hope that someday this may change, in gods time.
I do move thru this much faster than b4, because now I have acceptance, and recite the serenity prayer.
I know I can not change anyone but me.
Xo cheryl

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belkar1
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by belkar1 » Sat Jan 28, 2017 6:24 pm

My son is homeless, our middle son just saw him. He is very thin, and looks like a shell of the person he once was in recovery.

It is very sad for the people that love them, I will always love my son. He knows what to do, when he wants to come in from the cold. He has done it before, he can do it again.

Now I feel the sadness, but do not live there, I can release it. How do I cope ? meetings, sponsor, steps.....

Love
Belkar

seansmom
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by seansmom » Sat Jan 28, 2017 7:05 pm

Thank you for sharing everyone. It helps to not think you are alone.

MarieW
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by MarieW » Sat Jan 28, 2017 9:13 pm

When I first read your post this afternoon, I was sitting across a table in a restaurant with my son and his friend. A few years ago, they were homeless, living on the streets. I'm not sure about my son's friends' story, but my son ended up on the street when he flunked out of college and was asked to leave the dorm after several incidents involving drug use. He couldn't keep a job, so lost the room where he was staying. I will not allow him to live with me, as he has stolen thousands of dollars worth of cash, jewelry, musical instruments and electronics from me over the years.

When they were on the street, I was always grateful that they each had someone to watch out for them. There is a homeless shelter in Oakland that will give men a bed and a box lunch for $5, and sometimes they could beg enough money to stay there and get a meal and a shower. I saw my son a couple of times during that time. Once I met him at the emergency room when he sprained his ankle. A couple of times I met him and bought him groceries. Both times I drove him to the train station and watched him walk away.

I'd like to say he hit bottom and committed to recovery because of this experience, but it actually ended when he was arrested. Today, he is living in a sober living house after spending Dec in jail. He may stay clean this time, or may use tonight and get kicked out. I've learned that his journey is his journey and I need to stay out of it. Maybe there is something in his soul, spirit, whatever you call it, that needs to live like this to learn the lessons his HP is trying to teach him. I don't know, I'm not god. But I do know that nothing I did or do now seems to be able to influence him to stay clean.

How do I deal with it? Meetings, reading, and working the steps. Sharing my story here and at my face to face meetings. And listening to the shares of parents who have been at this even longer than I have.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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flash
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by flash » Sat Jan 28, 2017 9:28 pm

Since my son's addiction I have a completely different attitude about homeless people.
I posted a couple years ago when I was in San Francisco on a vacation with friends how much it bothered me how they all reacted to the homeless people and how different it was from my reaction.
I felt very sad and as you said thought of each person as someone's child.
They were scared of them.
I had a hard time dealing with that / came on here and posted and got wonderful responses that helped me through the rest of the trip.
I even opened up and talked to my friends about how I felt.
My son was homeless for a few nights here and there between rehabs and sober houses. I don't know the exact circumstances and don't care to but it does make me sad.

seansmom
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by seansmom » Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:25 pm

I appreciate everyone posts. When my son is on the streets I have occasionally thought I saw him and drove back around and looked closer and realized it wasn't him. This can make you feel crazy.

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m8151969p
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by m8151969p » Fri Feb 03, 2017 5:29 pm

My AS lost everything and was homeless for a very short while. I do believe this made him hit his rock bottom. As a Mom there is nothing worse than to see your child homeless. The good that did come out of it was he went to rehab on his own. He chose to relocate 1,300 miles a way the day he came out of rehab to a sober living. He is fully aware of not having anywhere to go if this does not work. I hate to say it but I don't think he would of ever figured this out without being homeless.
Michelle :D

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DesertFlower
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by DesertFlower » Sat Feb 04, 2017 2:17 pm

My son just got out of 17 lousy days in jail. He had and has nothing. Well he has 2 parents that love him!! He was in a tent on the streets when he got arrested for 2nd degree robbery. I can only imagine where he decided to go when he got out of jail but I'll do a little projecting here: right back to what was familiar. A blue tent on the streets.
When I see homeless people (especially kids around my son's age) my heart breaks. I know if they ask me for money I would have to say no and offer to buy them a burger or some kind of food. It BREAKS my heart to see that then I peek into that spot in my heart that knows my own son is also one of these people: adored by many. These people are just that--people. They had lives and places to live and cars and....what happened??? For me, I saw my son's life fall apart piece by piece. Girlfriend--gone. Apt--squat in it then evicted and gone. Living in his car--gone. And onto the streets.
One thing that got me and it was VERY hard to deal with, if I met up with him (which I did a couple times when he was newly homeless) people that knew he was homeless looked at me like "what the hell why is he homeless when you could take him in?" The feelings of being a bad mom and a failure would set in.
It's one of the hardest things to know is that our kids who once were with us, going to school, laughing with us, watching movies with us, sitting next to us; hugging us.....are now begging, robbing, prostituting. Living like animals (homeless animals). Once around Christmas my son told me that as shi**y as it was living as he was, he could get as high as he wanted. THATS why he's homeless--yes, he lost EVERYTHING piece by piece, but he's choosing to live like this. He's not ready to get clean.
I needed to read this today. Thank you and I pray for our addicted loved ones. Right now I don't have much hope, too much has happened in Jan. Sorry I'm not real full of SESH right now-I'm just being honest and wanted you to know I understand.
With ((hugs))
The only constant in life.... is change.

darlab
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Re: Coping with homeless adult child on street

Post by darlab » Sun Dec 03, 2017 9:33 am

My 32 year son is currently homeless. He has a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. He is also an alcoholic. I have spent his entire life trying to help him get the help he needs. He'll stick with prescribed treatment for a while, then give up on it. He has served jail time for assaulting me and the mother of his child. Despite all of this, he is still my son and I still love him. My heart is breaking for him. He threatens violence when he is in my home, so I can't let him come home. I am having a very difficult time dealing with the guilt. I worry "what if he ends up dead". I am constantly terrified for his safety. He spent one night in a mental hospital then checked himself out saying he wasn't "crazy enough to be there". He was then furious I refused to go get him and bring him home. I am at a loss. I would appreciate hearing feedback from parents in similar situations.

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