Daughter begging for help....? My role?

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Daughter begging for help....? My role?

Post by Lauraleeg » Mon Mar 28, 2016 5:55 am

I have had 2 weeks of the boundary thing with AD. She has been on her own for 2 weeks, for the first time in her life. She called last night late, she was sober. She was sobbing--said she wants to come home for a few days. Cant think. Her life is miserable. She wants to change, is ready to change and make changes to her life. She is so sad and lonely and miserable--said she cant go on like this.
I asked her what her plan was? She said she is so miserable she cant think. She has no friends, no social group...just the drugs.
I agreed to let her come home for a few days, so that she can come up with a plan for her recovery-if that is what she wants.
She says it is--I have no idea.
I said that I would allow this ONCE. That she can come into my home with NO suitcase...just her...and she can research what she wants to do..and then go do it or not. That is her choice.
She said that she is different--that she knows her life sucks and is not working. She said that she is scared of failing, I reminded her one day at a time.
I do not know if this is addict speak or an answer to prayer. Maybe both?
Since my AD and I are new to this....I feel it appropriate to give this a shot. This is not long term. She has her own place in a city 2 hours away.
This is a few days--we can line up rehab/help etc.if she wants that--if she leaves after a few days and does not do what the plan is--or quits plan, she is making choice.
I am not owning this, nor riding the train with her....does she want help? Is she ready? I dont know. I believe she is miserable and scared about the long road ahead--with or without drugs.
Please pray for wisdom for me, and guidance for her
Dwell in Possibility.

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Re: Daughter begging for help....? My role?

Post by grateful » Mon Mar 28, 2016 6:26 am

Prayers said.
Seek beauty

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Re: Daughter begging for help....? My role?

Post by simplemom » Mon Mar 28, 2016 7:32 am

None of this is easy.

Change can be frightening.

Over the years I have worked hard to ask questions of my son in his struggles. I have listened to him and do my best to suggest other choices, other options. I am responsible for my efforts and not the outcome of the decisions my son makes.

I am incapable of understanding the addict mind. I am practicing surrender.

I chose recovery for myself because I felt lonely and frightened. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I took those baby steps in this lifelong journey. I stumbled, got back with the help, guidance and tools found in my fellowship.

Time and patience...Prayers that all involved will find guidance found in their HP's. Accept what is, let go of the past and have faith in what could be. Don't lose hope! One Day at a Time.

Karen (simplemom)
"I am not afraid of storms, I am learning to sail my own ship."
Louise May Alcott


Re: Daughter begging for help....? My role?

Post by Celestial » Mon Mar 28, 2016 8:30 am

What I am finding in this Fellowship is that we are all feeling our way thru this. It seems (for me anyway) that I want to always do the right thing that will bring my adult child into recovery/good life. I think that is at the root of what our role is. It comes from a place of love. I had a sponsor tell me that when something comes from a place of love it is never wrong. In Nar-Anon and Al-Anon we learn about enabling. Again the line blurs for me here.

When my daughter told me she was addicted to pills a few years back, she was reaching out for help. A year later she reached out for help with a Xanax addiction and put herself in for a detox. And now with this go-round she told me she needed to go to treatment right away and the next day before I dropped her off at a treatment center she told me about "H".

What I am getting from the post is an adult child reaching out. That tugs at my heart. I guess it boils down to what can I live with....


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