Oh the Pressure

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Oh the Pressure

Post by timr » Sun Mar 27, 2016 6:32 pm

My head is spinning! It's been such an emotional roller coaster weekend. I'm still trying to make sense of it all. My AW says she wants our family back. Talks of rehab and how she wants to be a better wife and mother. Then today has been about how I'm not meeting her in the middle. She not the only one that's made mistakes in this relationship. I find it strange that it seems to come back to my lack of trust and what little money I give her. She still talks of recovery, hit me with when they do the assessment that they will be able to tell how long she's been clean and then I will feel like crap for not believing her. I haven't had real signs of recovery do why do I feel so bad about this whole mess. I want to trust but I haven't seen a reason to yet.
I'm so praying for help and guidance. Feeling overwhelmed today and can't seem to make heads or tails from it all.

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Re: Oh the Pressure

Post by grateful » Sun Mar 27, 2016 7:53 pm

Trusting my gut. Trusting my eyes. Trusting those red flags popping up every time my AS spoke. Not trying to figure everything out. Sharing with others who weren't emotionally caught up in the relationship between me and my x or me and my AS and listening to their feedback if I asked for it or sought it. Remembering that talk is cheap but actions are golden. All these things helped me say "no" to being manipulated through guilt, coercion, or words I wanted to hear. You're doing fine. Keep coming back.
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Re: Oh the Pressure

Post by DeanW » Sun Mar 27, 2016 10:11 pm

Can't remember the exact quote now or even who said it...but, at some point when I was so darn confused at what I thought I was seeing vs. what I was being told - someone said, "Do actions agree with words? That's your measure of reliability."

I'm telling you something you already know - listening to an ALO defend a defenseless position will make a sane person feel insane. Sort of a modern day way of gaslighting. Anyway, bottom line - I choose to look at actions instead of listening to words. God bless.

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