Rehab and the 12 Step Program

With the understanding that addiction is a disease and the realization that we are powerless over it as well as over people's lives, we are ready to do something useful and constructive with our own.

Then, and only then can we be of any help to others.

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Walkingon
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Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by Walkingon » Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:17 pm

Our addicted loved ones have such poor options for care and change. The good news might be that the Affordable Healthcare Act has expanded reimbursement and avenues for addicts to seek care. This has also increased the number of centers that are not regulated, monitored or required in anyway to provide statistics for success rates. Oh! And by the way a success rate can be determined by the center. If someone completes the stay at the rehab that is considered a success, some centers call patients at some point after discharge and ask if they are sober (hmm? this sounds less than scientific), I have not found any center that has any real long term tracking of success. Most reliable statistics put it at less than 10%.

My daughter has been in rehabs for more than 10 years. Each time the process is exactly the same. Detox, 12 step meetings and then Intensive Outpatient Programs. The centers receive a huge amount of money for each step from the insurance company and the family.
I had the nerve to suggest a different course when she checked in to rehab three days ago. Maybe require her to get a job after detox?

Silence... from the rehab. Maybe it will be silence when they ask for my credit card again.

MarieW
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by MarieW » Fri Mar 25, 2016 11:46 pm

I've stopped expecting anyone else to get my son clean. If he doesn't really want it, no treatment center, court or doctor can do it for him. If he does, AA and NA are free and available almost everywhere.

I no longer get involved in my son's addiction or recovery. He knows he has resources. Since he is cunning enough to find drugs, I know he can find his own recovery resources.

What about you? Do you attend meetings, work the steps, have a sponsor? When I first started, I was told to work the program I wished my son was working. It changed my outlook, then changed my life.

Keep coming back.
The only wrong way to work this program is to not work it.

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hopefulNE
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by hopefulNE » Sat Mar 26, 2016 1:31 am

Until my RAD decided that SHE was ready to embrace recovery nothing was able to help her. Even after becoming involved in drug court, (which ultimately helped her save herself) it wasn't until SHE decided to get with the program rather than fail that she was able to make any progress.
We sent her through rehab ONCE when we discovered the terrible extent of her opiate addiction. At that point, I knew she had the tools to reach for recovery should she ever decide to use them, and I felt that my job as a parent was done. Of course I was devastated by her subsequent relapse...I was still new to this then, and had thought that she would be cured. I had a lot to learn.
It was a long and dark journey for me, and at some point I had to acknowledge that my daughter might never seek recovery...a terrifying thought for me. Still, I had to accept it as the reality. Then the ball was in my court...what was I going to do with my life? Here I learned to choose sanity, and that I could take care of myself and my life and recovery regardless of what my then AD chose.
JFT, my RAD is doing well, but as you know relapse is always a possibility. I have learned that I am powerless over anyone other than myself. I have learned to enjoy every good moment, and to take care of myself regardless of what is going on with my ALO.
TYFS, and keep coming back
Pat
"Keep Calm and Carry On" - British Ministry of Information, WWII

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grateful
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by grateful » Sat Mar 26, 2016 7:04 am

When I've caught myself doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results, that's when I look for a different solution. I have not paid for rehab for my son. He's been in and out of different types of programs - both voluntary and involuntary - and continues to do what doesn't work. I can't see into his mind and heart but I can see into my own. It wouldn't have mattered what program I was in - to include Al-Anon and Nar-Anon - if I wasn't open to a new image of the HP/God of my understanding to whom I could relate in a way that helped me grow through old ways of thinking and feeling about myself and find new ways of thinking about myself and my life, nothing would have changed for me. It was a solitary journey - one that no one could really help me with at the time I was at my lowest.

Others could be there. They could care. It still didn't change anything for me. One day when I was finally honest with the god of my understanding at that time, something happened for me that helped me change my mind about the god I'd feared from childhood and opened me up to new imagery, new understanding, new life. For me, it was a mistake to think any human being other than this human being could make any real difference in my life. When I said what I meant, meant what I said and did say it mean (I was one angry, angry young woman then) and didn't stop talking until I got the truth out, there was no chance for me to make any changes at all. Once I humbled myself and quit holding back what I truly thought and felt about a god that truly didn't exist, suddenly I was encountered by a Power greater than myself and that encounter was my saving grace. Then, I was willingly led through doors that opened to me and helped me make changes that were long lasting. I guess I could call that spring day many years ago the day I carried out Steps 1, 2, 3 and nothing has been the same for me since.

There is nothing I can do to influence how my son sees himself or his HP. There is no program that can influence his thinking or the touch of a Power greater than him either. That is between him and his HP. I can believe that one day, when the pain is great enough, and the words spoken from my son's mind and heart are sincere and not pious piffle, there may come a change for him in what might appear to be the twinkling of an eye but has really taken years to effect. Maybe on that day - if it ever comes for him - he will recognize a Power greater than himself who he will learn to trust - and then his life will never be the same and his addictive thoughts will no longer be his guiding light? Until that day comes, the best I can do is to continue believing in the still, small voice that guides me, heals me, encourages me to do what is mine to do for me. When it comes to my son, I've surrendered any thoughts on when he should change or how he should change or where he should change. I just don't know the answers for him or his life. His HP does.
Seek beauty

adzmom
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by adzmom » Sat Mar 26, 2016 3:27 pm

Thank you so much for this post, you don't understand how helpful this is to me

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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by Lauraleeg » Sat Mar 26, 2016 5:16 pm

Rehab is like diets. ALL DIETS WORK IF YOU STICK TO THEM....the only way you stick to them, is if you WANT to lose weight.
Rehab is the same..doesnt matter what the program is...if someone wants to change they will change.
Dwell in Possibility.

alicia
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by alicia » Sun Mar 27, 2016 1:08 am

I think the new health care laws are suggesting all treatment be evidence based which consists of therapy. then people can choose to use a step program if they wish. I have been looking to see whats available and covered by our insurance. Its my u understanding a good therapist can help work with the mental aspects, motivational factors and aid in desire for recovery. If something isnt working thats when I reevaluate.

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Lauraleeg
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by Lauraleeg » Sun Mar 27, 2016 5:50 am

Yes--especially for mental health disorders ( which my AD has up the whazoo) the combination for treatment that worked best for her, and that is supported by the research are Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Meds. Getting the right therapist, and meds is a hurdle--but it can be done. She did it, then got involved with street drugs...so there went that help.
Even with therapy though--you get out what you put in. If you dont do the work of therapy/learn the skills/practice the CBT...it means nothing.
It all comes down to the motivational level of the student.
I often said to people--" aghhh meditation, 'That doesnt work for me" but I never even TRIED it! :D
Once I actually tried it, did it right and practiced it--it was very helpful for me.
It all comes down to the individual and them working whatever program they are in. Doing the tasks, saying no, changing lifestyle, engaging in service, going to meetings etc etc
Dwell in Possibility.

Celestial

Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by Celestial » Sun Mar 27, 2016 9:12 am

This is such a mixed bag. From being in Al-Anon and now Nar-Anon (and open aa meetings) I love 12 step recovery and look forward to meetings. It opened up a way of making life long friends:) I had hoped my daughter would feel the same way. She is in an IOP and doesn't really like it. The facilitator is not exactly the nicest person. Oh well. She did love the inpatient place she was at but Health Insurance does not cover alot of the costs and they determined how long she could stay inpatient.

I am hoping that she can get something out of this IOP that is a plus. Hovering over my shoulderis the thought of oh no what if she leaves.
She does not want to go to meetings....

Winksdr
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by Winksdr » Sun Mar 27, 2016 10:17 am

I finally got my wish. Detox then sober living house. She had a job, a nice place to live 90 days clean. Then right back at it.

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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by linda.f » Sun Mar 27, 2016 11:13 am

I found it never worked out for me when I wanted it more than them.
(Which was and is usually the case for me and my husband.)
It is a disease of relapse (unhealthy behavior of obsession and compulsion)
and the only way to treat the relapse is for them to have a program. They
have to want the program, whatever type of program it is and stick to it.

Same for us. We have to treat our unhealthy behavior of being consumed with our ALO.

We are imperfect people in a imperfect world.

One day at a time.

(hugs)
Live-love-laugh

Linda.f

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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by FacingFear » Sun Mar 27, 2016 1:23 pm

Thank you all for sharing. My journey is just beginning -- finding out the truth about my son who is an addict -- and I am overwhelmed, but at least I no longer feel so alone.

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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by DianeB » Sun Mar 27, 2016 3:15 pm

I have been doing this for far too long. Decades. It if my experience
that until my son wanted to be clean and sober, not a blessed thing I did
or thought I could do would work.

He tried it all....but the disease was too strong. He wasn't strong enough
to fight for himself. He didn't want it bad enough.

I don't care what insurances pay, what health care is put in place, what
rehab is chosen, what counselors can do....the plain truth is that until
my son wanted to be clean more than his fear of pain in being clean, it
wasn't going to matter.

I ALWAYS wanted it more than he did. But what I wanted didn't matter.

The best I could do was work on my own life and be an example of what
is possible through recovery.
Hugs....

with Love

DianeB



“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” - Charles Darwin

http://nar-anon.org

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Walkingon
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Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by Walkingon » Sun Mar 27, 2016 10:27 pm

On this Easter Sunday I thank you all for your insight. You are correct and have walked this path with me. Until my wonderful daughter wants her life at least as much as I want it for her it matters not where or what or when she is getting care.

So many of you can relate to this insane and chaotic journey that leaves me desperate to hold on to her fingertips as she sinks into the final submergence of addiction. It runs counter to anything I ever believed was motherhood.

When I have a conference call tomorrow with her therapist at yet the latest rehab I will state exactly that. "Until she wants this as least as much as I there is no point in continuing on this never ending merry go round."

Celestial

Re: Rehab and the 12 Step Program

Post by Celestial » Tue Mar 29, 2016 7:49 am

insane and chaotic journeyyes it is just that. This has been a heavy post and what I got out of it is how so many believe that until the addict wants it nothing we do or don't do will help. For some reason I believe all of you BUT there is this part of me that still wants to find that one word or conversation in which the light bulb goes off in my daughter's head and she gets herself into meetings. She is in IOP and is not in love with it. She did love the inpatient rehab but her insurance will no longer pay for it. I saw such a wonderful change in her while there.

My fear & anxiety are with me all day long. The fear of relapse. And to be honest, me not having the life I would like....a life without fear and anxiety.

Hugs to all:)

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